DS prefers his dad!

[IamBlossom]

Ok he probably doesn't REALLY, but I am really struggling at the moment in the popularity stakes with my DS who is 15 months. Now don't get me wrong - I know this is not a competition, my DH is fantastic with our son, and plays with him, they have great times, lots of loving attention, and he does say "No" when he needs to.

It's just that recently, DS can be having a screaming tired fractious tantrum for an hour or more with me (nothing pacifies him at all)and as soon as DH comes in the door he is sweetness and light! He never cries during bath time or bedtime with Dad but frequently does with me. He will not come to me cuddles wise if his Dad is there, and if he is in his Dad's arms I can't take him out of them! He is very loving and affectionate to me if DH is not there.....

TBH it's quite upsetting, and I know I'm being silly and sound petulant and he loves me too, but does anyone else experience this? When we are round DH's family ( as we will be over Chrimble) it looks like I do zero in the childcare stakes as DS goes to his father all the time!)

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone as I could've written your post word for word!! My DS is also 15 months and a real daddy's boy - mummy is fine when daddy's not there but if he is I barely get a look in! The only time when I'm preferred is when he's ill and then he wants mummy's cuddles.

I don't know your situation but I'm a SAHM and so I think a lot of it is the fact that I'm there all the time so he never really gets chance to miss me! It does bother me from time to time but most of the time I'm pleased that I haven't got a clingy baby as that would seriously do my head in too! Also I love watching my 2 'boys' together and am grateful to have a DH who is really hands-on and therefore close to DS.

Also know what you mean about the in-laws but tbh DH and I know that I do the majority of the childcare on a day to day basis so sod what anyone else thinks!!!

My ds is only 9 weeks old, but he's definitely a daddy's boy, and I echo ym's reasons why. Although my husband is disabled and is at home all day, he spends a great deal of his time out in his shed (he's a bit of a mad inventor type, it's superheated and he's a smoker and won't smoke in the house at all), consequently I as a sahm do the lion's share of the childcare. And, just like you guys it always seems that whenever ds is fractious or tired or grumpy, I struggle to comfort/settle him for ages and he cries and cries, and then dh pops in from the shed and immediately ds calms down/drops off. This was exacerbated today when ds had first set of jabs and absolutely wailed the place down, we're talking real tears and wracking sobs. i was pretty much in tears myself, and trying to hug ds close and comfort him, which just made him wail harder . needless to say out in dr's reception dh said 'let me have him for a minute' and he immediately calmed down and fell asleep - and I mean in seconds!!!! So I felt like a total mother failure!!! But as you say, I think that it is perhaps that they have novelty factor for our lo's - they have us comforting/tending to them all day and I guess daddy is something new and different. But, in my heart of hearts, I think I know that ds loves his mummy, just like all our 'boys'. So don't worry - you're not alone!

I feel for you there Blossom. Yorkshiremum might have something about your ds missing his Dad if his dDd works FT. My DS has always been more cuddly with me than with his Dad and I think it has something to do with the fact that I work FT (have done since he was 16 wks) and his Dad was the one who stayed home part time to look after him.

It didn't really even out until I got pregnant with dd and just couldn't give ds as much attention - e.g. he had to go to his Dad if he wanted carrying/picking up. DD, now nearly one, if anything is a Daddy's girl though so maybe it's not just work-related.

Not sure I can help really. I can understand that it's upsetting but it'll probably balance out in time.

Hi Iamblossam,

I wanted to write and tell you that I sympathise with you!

DS1 was very much my baby, right from the start, as he was born late at night DH had an hour with us before he was kicked out of the hospital and told to come back the next day. DS1 and myself bonded instantly. HOWEVER! (cos I know you're reading this and thinking eh? What's she on about, thats not right!!
DS2 was a perfect homebirth in mid June just this year. The next day I was still sleeping and DH asked if he could take DS2 outside just in the garden. Of course i agreed, and that is when he and DS2 bonded. DS2 prefers DH and if DH had boobs DS2 wouldn't need me!! I've felt a bit hacked off about this as he's my last baby (much to MIL disgust! HA! but thats another thread) but he does still love and need me as much as his Dad.
Please don't be sensitive about the inlaws (or outlaws as I call mine. Just say that "isn't it lvoely now DH is on holiday he is finally having some time with the kids that he usually doesn't get" or something along those lines.

Sod what they think, lifes too short and you're a great mum. Enjoy your babies.

Ds (13mo) is getting to be like this too. It is really lovely to see him and his dad together (especially when I'm knackered at the end of the day and don't even have to hand ds over to dp - he's there already ).

OTOH, I was a bit peed off the other day when we were trying to have a "group hug" and ds actually pushed me away so he could have daddy all to himself .

I think it is just that he never has a chance to miss me, because I'm around all the time - Dp has a bit more novelty value.

I imagine that as ds gets older and his emotions kind of "smooth out" a bit more (i.e. when he's no longer going from tears one moment to giggles the next), it won't be so obvious and he'll end up treating us both the same (I hope!).

"ds actually pushed me away so he could have daddy all to himself . "

Yeah mine does that too! The cheek!

Thanks, I do feel better after reading these.....

When I have moments like this I always remind myself who dd calls out for when shes unwell or has had a nightmare. ME

This is so familiar. I used to feel so aggrieved that baby ds1 preferred his dad. It didn't last though. He is now a teenager and is now closer to me. Mainly because dh has become pompous in his middle age and ds1 can't stand it . Do all men become pompous?? This could be another thread ....

When ds was 15 months old, he was all daddy daddy daddy too. Now he is 2.8, he is mummy's sidekick. Mummy is the magic perfect-temperatured milk fetcher, mummy knows about the correct width of toast for boiled eggs, mummy knows how to "squish" him properly. It evens out, honestly!

DD is like this with her Dad.

Tbh i welcome it, because as soon as he walks through the door i get a break.

Plus when she wakes up in the morning whether it be 7am or 5.30am she will ALWAYS go to her Daddy so it has its plus sides.

I think its beautiful to see my daughter idolise the man i love.

Ive just come onto mumsnet to post the exact same thread.Ds is also 15mths and seems to be a daddys boy too. Although if hes tired or upset he tends to come to me. I do think it is because they are with us all the time. Dh works away during the wk but also in my case i think i spend quantity rather then quality time with ds i.e im busy with housework or shopping and ds tags along whereas dh tends to spend more time doing things with ds.I feel really guilty about the fact that im obsessed with doing the housework when maybe i should just sod it and take ds out.This is gonna be my new years resolution to make more quality time for me and ds.

Another thing is though is that ds also seems to be same with his grandparents probably because they give him endless attention and respond to his every need. Ds doesnt even go to daddy then.

Both mine have been daddys boys - DS1 is now 4 and is just as much mine as dads, though DS2 is still daddys boy!!

Enjoy, make lots of positive comments about DH's parenting skills when you are with the inlaws. Say he is so good with him and is really great taking charge and letting me have a break... blah, blah. Makes DP look good and lets him you know that you are appreciative.

I find that if I take charge, I can get DS2 off dad, but mostly I just enjoy the fact that DP is such a committed, dad with such a great relationship with his boys. It really makes a difference, they are lively, funny, talkative lads.