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Parenting

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Original poster

dd 3+4mths, due for nursery in janary but i dont want her to go......

21 replies

hermykne · 22/12/2005 08:47

i just cant bear it, i got so upset last night over her heading off and want to delay it now til march and then she'll have 5mths before the hols and real school in sept.
dh thinks i am mad, and NO she is going jan 9th.

i am not ready to let her go at all.
we have such fun at home and ds is 17mths and they entertain each other etc etc.

its just gone too quick

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mandymac · 22/12/2005 08:58

Sympathies, dd (6 months) is going from Jan and I am in bits - must be even harder when you have been with her so much longer!

sugarbaby · 22/12/2005 09:22

I sympathise, but if you put this off you reall should think about who you are doing it for, her? or you? The reality is that at 3 children are at the age when they learn the social skills required to forge friendships, at 3 it really does do them good to go and socialise with other children away from you. This doesn't mean they don't need you any more, but that they need to be given the chance to get that little bit more independent, and you will appreciate the time together all the more when she comes home from nursery

beejay · 22/12/2005 09:31

A friend is having to put her dd into fulltime nursery aged 5 months to return to a job she hates -- because she didn't qualify for mat leave and her dp's job is very unstable.
In many ways you are lucky you had three years with her!

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jenkel · 22/12/2005 09:33

My dd is exactly the same age as yours. However, she has been going to Nursery since she was 2 1/2, just 2 mornings a week. I do think it has done her good, I also have another dd who is 21 months. 2 mornings a week didnt seem such a big deal and at the time I didnt know if I was coming or going with dd2, so gave me some valuable time. She will stay at the nursery until she starts school in Sept and I am dreading September. I do think it will do your DD good, she needs to learn to be a bit more independent in a more gentle environment than school. Will she go every day or do you have the option of gradually increasing her days to go.

harpsiheraldangelssing · 22/12/2005 09:34

don't send her then hermykne

ladymuck · 22/12/2005 09:34

Is she just going for mornings?

harpsiheraldangelssing · 22/12/2005 09:41

sorry that may have sounded flippant
seriously - don't send her
who's to say what she "needs"? you have spent the most time with her, you know her best
if you don't want her to go yet, then don't send her
going to "real"£ school at barely four is early enough - loads eralier than almost any other country...
are you worried about her social development at all?
I really don't buy this orthodoxy of children having to go into formal education at the earliest opportunity
she is learning social skills with you
she is playing with you and her brother

christie1 · 22/12/2005 11:06

Unless there are work/financial reasons to send her, don't. YOu only have this time once. I didn't send mine and kept them with me as long as possible despite the comments that "they should be in nursury" and I don't regret a minute of it. even today, htey will ask to stay home from school when they hear about the day I have planned for my little ones still at home. follow your heart if you can.

Original poster

hermykne · 22/12/2005 12:55

beejay i know i am so lucky to have had 3yrs and sugarbaby you are right for her socially,
jenkel, its a 4 day week place, its very convienent for me to walk to, and its mornings 10 - 12.30.

harps, i was in the library with her a mth back and the woman said to me oh when is she going to schoool and i replied never i am keeping her at home til shes 18 - she laughed her head off and told me she kept hers at home til 5 and they are well adjusted kids .

its just dh feels she needs it, as she is very clingy to me, althou i love it, and she will be gone to real school in less than a yr and thats it, my mornings cooking, library, walks, shopping whatever, coffee with her will change to just a frid and saturday/sunday and that makes me feel like it is all orthodoxy as harpsi says.

christie, i love that planning thing too, and asking her what shall we do and shes just getting into drawing/painting and thats my old profession .

hmmm another debate with dh looms!

OP posts:

harpsiheraldangelssing · 22/12/2005 13:01

hermykne (keep thinking I am spelling that wrong!) me and my sisters were all at home with our mum till we were at least five
no playschool, preschool, nursery whatever for us
and we are all confident, successful and well adjusted

my mum says when the time cam I just walked into school without a backward glance
personally I am not entirely sold on the idea of school for the under sevens
gets in the way of all the other fun stuff ;-)

silkcutandchardonnay · 22/12/2005 19:31

Had exactly the same feelings when I sent dd to nursery at 7 months because I had to return to work. I didn't want to (and neither did DH) but we couldn't really afford for me to be a SAHM.

Really rough for the first few weeks but now she loves it. I don't mind leaving her at nursery in the mornings so much now. I'd agree with the others on the thread - she will benefit hugely from going but equally she wont' miss out by staying with you. I'd follow your instincts and keep her with you if you think that would be best.

HTH

Twiglett · 22/12/2005 19:34

I will say .. just for you to consider .. that when DS started reception this Sept .. there was a marked difference between the children who had been to nursery and those who hadn't .. in terms of social development and ability to listen

nursery does teach them a lot through play and works transitionally especially if attached to her school

its only 2.5 hours a day isn't it?

but really if you don't want her to go, don't send her

bsg · 22/12/2005 19:46

My dd went to school?nursert at 2.5 all day and she loved it. She has now changed and is in the same school as ds aged 4.7, she is now 3.6. They have to go at this age otherwise they don't get a place. They also go from 09.00 - 17.00. They do have a sleep at school but they are both fine. She will love making new friends and doing lots of painting and drawing etc

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 22/12/2005 23:19

She doesn't have to go to school until she is 5 so if you really don't want her to go then don't send her. Having said that DS is 4 and he loves pre-school!

colditz · 22/12/2005 23:24

On this subject, sorry for hijack, but when does my son have to go to school? He was born April 03.

rummum · 22/12/2005 23:29

I'm sure its the term after they are 5 (by Law)

mazzystar · 22/12/2005 23:33

you're the person best qualified to understand her needs? can;t she just go 2 days at first, give you both time to adjust?

wouldn't you really enjoy the chance to be alone with your son whilst he is still so small?

(great name silkcut)

rummum · 22/12/2005 23:43

Have you visited the nursery to see what they do?
Maybe you could stay with her, and only go, say, one morning until you feel happy about leaving her?
Do you leave her with anyone else?

bobbybobbobbingalong · 23/12/2005 00:26

Send her in March - she will be able to do all that stuff that she apparently "needs" to do between then and Sept.

At 3.4 in NZ she would be unlikely to get a place at afternoon kindy. More like 3.10 (we start school on 5th birthday). I haven't noticed a marked difference between NZ's and English with regards to social skills, so my guess is she will be okay.

If dh wants to take her and bring her home afterwards then he gets the major say - if not you get the say. You will still have another child at home and as you say they entertain each other.

I send ds to preschool twice a week whilst I work, but no way am I sending him to kindy just for the sake, just because he gets a place - our time together is too short and too precious.

Mergirl · 23/12/2005 07:39

colditz-they never have to go to school.

You do have to start making sure they are being educated at some point though+ think this is term after they are 5.

Hermykne-all kids are different in their needs, especially this young. What do you think she needs? Does she need a bit of independence from you? Or do you think she'd benefit from staying at home a bit longer?

Go with your instincts. She is your child and you know her best. And she will not be a social recluse when she is 18 just becuase she stayed at home a few extra terms! I'm sure when I was little we mainly just started school at 5!

Original poster

hermykne · 23/12/2005 20:45

thanks all for your comments,
mazzystar, i was thinking that the time with ds would be nice as he has never had that, and i was thinking about me and him could do after i leave her there

its just the gap between now and real school seems so far away and why rush it with nursery.

i know too she will change personality wise, i see it even after her playing with little friends who are older after a couple of hours, she learns something new

and oh i just want her to be my little innocent chatty E.

thanks again

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