baby 12 months old still breast feeding at night and doesn't feed from a spoon - desperate mum living in italy in need of help!!!

[sunny123]

When my second child was born I was so happy to be able to breast feed as I didn't with my first. However if I had known how hard it would be to wean her I probably would have thought twice. She doesn't drink any other type of milk apart from breast milk and hates dairy products all together. I've even tried giving her soia milk with no luck. She is also teething like mad which I know probably has a lot to do with it, she has four back teeth coming through all at once so at night I am finding myself breastfeeding her back to sleep about 4 or 5 times. Although mealtimes are a compleet nightmare and I dread them probably as much as her I thought that they were getting better. For the last three or four days although she doesn't eat much for lunch ( as a result I give her bm) she has been eating more in the evening. However after taking her for a check up yesterday I was told that she was still underweight- 8.4 kilos instead of the average weight of 10 kilos. I just felt so upset about it as I am trying everything to get her to eat, finger foods included. To make things worse I am living in a foreign country( italy) and am feeling really homesick. A while back my doctor suggested taking the baby into hospital so that they could try and help with the weaning process, we were in hospital for 4 days and for two of those days I was not breastfeeding to try and get her appetite for other foods going. In he end they told me to go back to breastfeeding and try givng her meals bit by bit. I do not want her to dread mealtimes so I do not force her to eat anything but at the same time she is not eating enough....can anyone give me any advice????

Hi sunny123

Not sure if I can be of much help, but just wanted to sympathise. My dd1 was a nightmare to wean and had a horrendous diet till she was about 3 (when she gradually grew out of it and is now a pretty good eater aged 5). OTOH, dd1 wasn't breast fed, so the problem wasn't quite the same. I would be asking the doctors to check out whether there is any physical reason why she finds it difficult to eat (throat infection, a problem with her teeth other than 'normal' teething, and so on). A friend of dd1's was always a bad eater, and it's only now (aged 5) that she has had her tonsils out that she has got a normal appetite. Is there anything that your dd likes? My dd ate cheese and hot-dog sausages (gross, I know... but she was desperate) for ages. I'd say, don't be afraid to keep on giving her the same things if she likes them. It will prevent mealtimes becoming a battleground, and you can gradually introduce new things as and when you feel up to it. I don't know if this is any help at all, but I do sympathise.

Whereabouts in Italy are you? I love Italy (am an Italian teacher!) but do sympathise with your homesickness, as I know that it's hard being in a foreign country in times of stress....

Good luck.

Whilst I was in hospital with her they did all these tests on her to see if there was anything wrong, but thank god everything was fine, she is perfectly healthy and to look at her you wouldn't think that she is underweight, (she is a year old by the way). I managed to give her about or 6 spoonfuls of minestrone today with pasta in it. The thing that worries me most is that my period has just returned after almost two years and once I have no breast milk left I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean she will need some kind of milk won't she??
I am also thinking about returning to work and sending her to a nursery, maybe she would eat better with someone else feeding her.

To answer your question about where in Italy - well I don't know if you are familiar with lake maggiore ( Piemonte) - I live in a village near there. I have been living here for the past 10 years with my husband who is italian.

Thank you so much for quick reply, it's nice to kow ther are people out ther who can relate to the situation, makes you feel less alienated! I'll just keep perciveering!!!

As far as I know, your milk shouldn't dry up unless you stop feeding (even if you've got your periods back). But I'm not an expert on this. Perhaps ask over on the feeding forum? I'm sure your dd won't starve herself. Does she drink water or juice? Maybe she just really doesn't like milk (except breast milk). My dd2 (who eats like a horse...yay... couldn't believe my luck 2nd time round!) doesn't really like milk and will only drink it if it's flavoured (e.g. with Nesquik). Not ideal, I know, healthy-eating-wise, but better than nothing. Both my dds have been to nursery/childminder (first one then the other, after we moved house) and dd1 was always marginally better for other people than for me, though she was still only eating a very limited range of things. I think they probably just didn't get so hassled with her about it. It might also help your dd break the association between food and 'boob' if it's someone else administering the food. It's feasible that with you she thinks 'why bother with all this chewing malarkey when I can just have a lovely bf...'???

In bocca al lupo, anyway. Is anything happening Olympics-wise your way? A friend went to Turin the other week and said it's like a building site at the moment.

Don't worry about your periods coming back and having no milk, I had periods 4 weeks after DD was born and conceived another one whilst DD was breastfeeding.

How is she with finger foods? My DD hated being spoonfed but will quite happily feed herself. Try leaving a plate of finger foods around for her to experiment with.

I would cut down breastfeeding one meal at a time say lunchtime don't offer her a feed, give her water/diluted juice/milk in a beaker with her food.

Hope that helps a bit. Best of luck.

ok thanks i'll give it a try.

Don't really no much about what's going on in Turin as it's quite a way from where I am, but I can imagine it must be pretty chaotic.

So,jingellbells do you teach italian to adults or kids? Up to a year ago I was teaching English over here although now a company has taken me on as a translator which i have been doing from home for the last year or so.

Do your children spaek italian?

Hiya

I teach at university level, though our students are mostly beginners when the start out, as Italian is taught in so few schools over here. I had good intentions of speaking Italian to my kids, but found it almost impossible since (a) it's not my native language and (b) I wasn't in the country. They know a few words, though (mi chiamo...; ho ... anni; etc.) and we have Italian videos (they love Pimpa) and tapes. I'm hoping they'll be interested in learning later.

Good luck with the feeding. Buon Natale!

sunny - have you put this message on the "breastfeeding" section ? I think you will get some interesting tips there.

How much did your baby weigh when she was born ?

According to bf experts (see www.kellymom.com) The proper average weight for a breastfed baby at 12 months is:

2.5 x the birth weight

So e.g. if she weighed 3 kilos at birth, by 12 months she should weigh 7.5 kilos.

My son is now 18 months old (I still breastfeed him) and only weighs 9.8 kilos. He weighed 3.09 at birth, so he is on target for a breastfed baby. I have not bothered with the NHS charts, because they are out of date and NOT based on bf babies who were exclusively bf for at least 6 months.

Please bear in mind that the "average" weight and "average" height given out by most hospitals (including in Italy I suspect) are based on "averages" of a mixture of bf and formula fed babies. Averages for babies bf for 12 months and longer tend to be much lower, because breastfed tend to be leaner (which is a good thing).

If you are interested in getting some excellent advice on a gentle way to wean your baby off the breast, contact your local La Leche League in Italy. LLL is a wordlwide org. If you have trouble finding contact details in Italy, please let me know and I will put you in touch with someone. I am an active member of LLL here in London.

Good luck !

ps - I envy you for living in Italy. It is my favourite place in Europe (shoes, handbags, clothes, food, weather, history, everything is perfect there !!) so I have started to learn Italian on the net !

Have you colooked at british weight charts etc. I live in Spain and my dd is always way above every percentile on Spanish charts. In the uk she was under average in weight . In spain she is over.

oops I meant looked!

I would say for a start you should separate off the breastfeeding from the night-time waking

a 12 month old does not need milk in the night.. offer her water or a teething ring but break the habit of night-time feeding for your own piece of mind

2nd I would ask how large you or your husband was .. does your baby seem underweight or lethargic .. if not do not go by weightcharts which only so averages

3rd .. the only way to eat more is to cut down on bf .. give her water with her meals and limit bf to night and morning maybe?

4th remmber babies have very small tummies so it may be she needs to snack more .. don't worry about how much she eats

5th it will get easier

HTH

ciao sunny 123,

how's the weaning and night breastfeeding going?

my daughter is 10 months and feeds at night still sometimes. her eating is best when we have her at table with us and she eats what we eat mushed up (she doesn't like baby food much). Can you get Capol for the teething at night? When I was weaning dd off breastmilk in the afternoon I gave her things like farleys rusks (slightly sweet and nice for sore gums) - maybe they are called plasmon in italy.

Do have any mums groups to go to? Just had a quick look and founds these sites maybe they arrange meets?
www.genitorionline.it
www.mammaepapa.it

We live back in the uk but neither of the nonni are nearby and i feel much better able to deal with teething and night waking since going to 2 or 3 mother and baby things in the week moral support and all that.

felice anno nuovo! hope things get easier soon (i was woken up 3 times last night so know the feeling!!)

Sunny, Hi just a quick note to say hope things are better. My son was the same, doesn't really like eating would rather fill up on milk and juice. He's now 3 nearly 4. It has come as a shock to us as my dd eats everything thats not nailed down. Try not to worry, breastmilk gives the child all the nutrients they need and just keep offering. Perhaps if your not about and somebody else, maybe your husband, offers the food she might take it.

I live in Italy too, teaching English, I'm further south though.