Will he go to Kindergarten in diapers??

[ExpatNat]

(Sorry, have been in America too long). ;)
Tom will be four in January, and it's been about nine months since we started potty training. He does okay, but he has "accidents" every day. He will be doing the pee pee dance and vehemently denying that he needs the bathroom. It's driving me mad.
The thing that makes me insane is, my friend's son is a year younger than Tom and he's perfectly potty trained and never has accidents and it drives me MAD! And my nephew is seven months younger and is dry at night too!!
Would somebody please just tell me that it doesn't matter and that when I stop giving a shit, Tom will stay dry for one single day!?

Not sure if I have any advice for you but can certainly sympathise. DD was trained at around 2 3/4 and took a few weeks to really get the hang of it - ie she understood what was expected, was physically capable of doing, communicated well enough to ask etc. Nevertheless she continued having regular accidents for months. It drove me completely up the wall. I would get so angry.

About 9 months after she was out of nappies and still having accidents I felt I had to do something about it. By this point accidents were only ever happening at home, not at the childminder or friend's houses - so I knew it was more of a power struggle than anything. She's always been stubborn.

I asked lots of experienced people for advice and they all said just ignore it. If she has an accident just clean it up without comment, give her some dry clothes and move on. Don't say a word. (Up until then alhtough I never told her off for wetting herself I would always let her see that I was upset with her). So we tried it. For two weeks. And do you know what? It got worse! She started having 2-3 accidents a day instead of 2-3 a week.

So despite all the advice DH and I agreed to try a different strategy. We made it clear to her that accidents were unacceptable and wouldnt' be tolerated. That day we went to a friends house and she was promised she could stay for dinner and a bath there - a real treat! She was very excited. Throughout the afternoon the kids played and we occassionaly asked dd if she need to the toilet. She repeatedly refused even after several drinks. So eventually of course, she wet herself. Well, we changed her pants, took her home and put her straight to bed. She was distraught. And that was the end of the problem. Period.

She's very rarely had an accident since then and usually only now when she's not feeling well.

I've just started toilet training ds, now 2 1/2 but I'm trying not to let the stress and PTSD from that experience affect how I'm dealing with him. He's a very different child and I'm hoping it will be a very diferent experience.

So my sympathies because I can imagine how you are feeling. Good luck.

Thank you, Sugarmag!! It's nice to know I'm not alone.

SugarMag - we have done something similar with ds but I don't want to admit it on other threads full of "clean up the mess without fuss" advice.

Ds gave his nappies to Santa and Santa brought presents for him instead. On Christmas day we put him in underpants and watched him like a hawk and when he started clutching himself we asked him to sit on the potty - he sat there and held it in. 5 hours later he was still holding it in, although he would sit on the potty.

I was convinced he was going to give himself a UTI, but I removed all the presents Santa had brought, and popped him in his room with the potty. 10 seconds later he came out clutching a potty full to the brim and said "I can have my presents back from Santa now".

Boxing day we did the same - every time he clutched we asked and when he refused he went to his room with his potty and emerged 2 minutes later successful.

Yesterday he was dry all day using the same technique. So we are not in a position to clean up mess without fuss - because we are being mean initially to avoid the mess.

For him it's a combination of wanting to be alone, and having his hand forced but being taken away from all the other interesting stuff he wants to do.