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Original poster

Periods - does she need to know?

30 replies

notlob · 26/10/2003 11:07

I would like to hear your views......
I'm tempted to tell dd aged 7 about periods for a couple of practical reasons but half of me says it's too early.
Does your dd/ds know about them, what age did you tell them? etc etc

A couple of opinions will help me think it thro'

OP posts:

GeorginaA · 26/10/2003 11:14

I don't have children that age so I can't comment on that side of things, however I would say that I wasn't told until I was 10/11 years old, and only then because I'd been teased at school for not knowing what a period was.

My mum was very good at telling me about the facts of life, I'd had a book about the body/sex when I was 6/7 years old, but somehow periods had got missed out of the discussion.

So, I would say that aged 10 is too late, but not sure what age before would be appropriate!

pie · 26/10/2003 11:14

DD1 is 4.5 and she knows about them...mainly because she has walked in on me on the toilet several times whilst I had a period and simply asked what was going on.

I told her that when girls get older their bodies start to get ready to have babies and this was one of the things that happened. Don't think she'll understand more than that!

I didn't want to lie or tell her something that would make her think that periods weren't normal. She also associates blood with being hurt so I wanted to reassure her that I wasn't hurt or in pain as she would only then worry.

Personally speaking I always promised myself that as soon as my daughters were old enough to notice something (even if they didn't walk in whilst I was on the loo) I would tell them, I started my periods when I was 9. My mum hadn't told me anything, thinking I was too young. I spent months putting toilet paper in my knickers (I found out what was going on from other children at school who did know) because I didn't think it was something I could tell her as surely she would have mentioned it if it was.

My sister is 10 years younger than me and my mum said that she would leave it up to me as she wasn't comfortable with these things.

I think that it would be best coming from you sooner rather than later.

pie · 26/10/2003 11:16

When I say 'notice something' I meant that living with other women would give them an awareness that once a month mummy might be more tired or irritable or put tampons in the shopping trolley.

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ScummyMummy · 26/10/2003 11:26

I would definitely start mentioning it in a low key way very soon so that she has time to get used to the idea. My mum assumed I would have picked up something, somewhere and didn't broach the subject till I was 10 when she bought me a book just in case what I'd been told wasn't 100% accurate and I needed further info. In fact I knew nothing at all and can't describe my horror, surprise and shock when the revelation that I would bleed every month was sprung on me! I couldn't conceive of such a vile thing and thought it was exceptionally unfair. I talked about nothing else for days and days! My poor mum... Luckily disgust and horror gave way to excitement after a while and my best friend and I had a great time waiting for the great event to happen to us.

Anyway- the longer a kid has to adjust to the inevitable the better in my book and, given that the average age of period onset is getting younger now is probably as good a time as any to introduce your dd to the joys to come... Good luck.

ScummyMummy · 26/10/2003 11:34

Poor you, Pie. That sounds horrible. Sounds like you've got it right with dd, though.

Original poster

notlob · 26/10/2003 11:59

I think we're going to tell her as you've got me thinking Pie ... only 2 years to go maybe.

DH says it seems strange to tell her about it when she still believes in Father Christmas. Bless.

OP posts:

pie · 26/10/2003 12:14

Scummy....my mum literally gets light headed and sometimes faints when she sees blood. We'd always have to be really careful not to cut ourselves in front of her, she would just freak. Still does, so I guess talking about periods was never going to be high on her list of things to do!!

notlob, I think that whenever you do tell her it would be best if she could hear it from you rather than anyone else. Kids get things so muddled, you wouldn't beleive some of the things I went round thinking were true before I read a book or talked to a responsible adult who wasn't going to instil me with fear! Sadly (I mean this in the sense that periods are a hassle at best) girls do seem to be starting their periods earlier and earlier (changes in diet maybe?) so you dd problably isn't far off.

mears · 26/10/2003 12:21

Same scenario as Pie here - dd who is 9 years old has seen me in the toilet. I only answer the questions as she asks them so that she gets the information she wants . She has learnt various bits of the jigsaw over a period of time (excuse the pun))

robinw · 26/10/2003 13:55

message withdrawn

lou33 · 26/10/2003 15:32

We bought dd1 this book to help her understand, although she was a couple of years older than your dd Notlob. It seemed to explain everything well enough, and she was able to ask any questions afterwards.

Bossanova · 26/10/2003 16:20

Thanks Lou, I have just ordered this for my dd who is 9. Although I have told her about periods, it was just the basics for now. This book looks like it's just the thing for going into more detail in an informative yet amusing way.
By the way have any mumsnetters used the 'Lets Talk About Sex' book and what age did you give it to your children? I have it but am not sure if I want dd to read ALL of it yet.

Original poster

notlob · 26/10/2003 18:43

That book looks good but maybe a little old for dd.
Does anyone know of any others?
Thanks

OP posts:

Ghosty · 26/10/2003 19:02

The policy of the school I last worked at was to have a 'body' talk with all the girls in Yr5. The first time I did this I was quite shocked to see how many girls didn't really know what it was all about. There were some twins I remember particularly who had a real shock with what was ahead of of them. One of them burst into tears and sat on my knee for half an hour with her thumb in her mouth ...
I don't have a daughter (yet ) and only have a son but I can see why it would be a bit of a hurdle for you ... but I would tell her soon rather than let her have a big shock at school ... I felt really awful for being the one to shatter her innocence in this matter.
I don't ever remember being 'told' about periods ... but I have a sister who is 4 years older than me and she told me very proudly when she was 13 and I was 9 that she had started her periods and I do remember being pretty impressed ...
Good luck ...

Demented · 26/10/2003 22:24

My DS1 (4) recently walked in on me at the loo during my period. He asked if I had hurt myself and I explained that it was different blood and it just lets Mummy know she's not having a baby. I don't know if this was the best thing to tell him or not but he caught me off guard.

I think I probably would tell a seven year old girl if she didn't already know.

anais · 26/10/2003 23:37

I told my ds when he was about 4 - same scenario, he walked in on me in the loo. I just felt it was better to be open about it, and to answer any questions as they arose, rather than making an issue out of it.

robinw · 27/10/2003 07:20

message withdrawn

Tinker · 27/10/2003 09:12

I've told my daughter(6) as she's asked. You can't really explain away changing a tampon Sure she doesn't understand fully but she's very blase about it now.

notlob - is your daughter asking questions? I'd take the lead from her.

Original poster

notlob · 27/10/2003 09:43

Tinker,
No she's not asking questions - that would make it easier as i could just answer them.
Yesterday she wanted us to go swimming and there was no way I could (first day & very heavy). She just thought we were being mean by not taking them.
I'm going to deliberatley leave tampons lying around so she'll ask about them as I don't want to "sit her down for a talk." I just want it to be a bit blase, nothing to worry about IYKWIM

OP posts:

pie · 27/10/2003 09:45

notlob, I realise your daughter is older than I was...but when I was about 5 I found my mums tampons, took the tampon out of the applicator and used the applicators to make finger puppets, drew faces and stuck on wool hair and everything.

Never occured to me to ask what they were

Tortington · 27/10/2003 10:10

my children were about 4 and 7 when i explained to them - but it was becuase i had to nip into a shop to buy some pads - and the elderly shop keeper sweetly wrapped them in a paper bag - the kids then thought i had bought sweets - and dispite my protests wouldnt take my feeble excuses - so i bit the bullet - and told them all at once.

they were fine about it - the boys felt a little sorry for what their sister had to come - but it helps me constantly explain why i may be irritable or tearful or lathargic, it helped no end when they wanted me to go swimming on holiday.

my mum bought me a book and kinda told me to go off and read it - this was after i had started - and i had no clue it was coming - i thought i was going to die. but i just didnt have that relationship withmy mum - i dont want that for my kids. i want my house to be an open house.
sometimes i get so embarrassed talking about things with the kids - but put on a nonchalant face.

my 10 year old son has no problem in asking if i need some pads in a supermarket - just like he would ask if i needed bread - and although i get embarrassed - he doesnt! and i think thats great.

doormat · 27/10/2003 10:23

notlob I explained all the birds and bees stuff with my dd's when they were 10.I told them the whole job lot including periods at that time.

bobsmum · 27/10/2003 10:33

A few of my friends started at 8 and 9 and as girls are physically mature much quicker today than even 20 years ago, I would tell her. But like you say, Notlob - let her instigate it otherwise she might get all coy and switch off.

The only mention we got at school was our first day of secondary (P7 at my school so we were 10). A few girls had started by then anyway.

Our form teacher called us to a lunchtime meeting and told us in a consipiratorial whisper that now we were young women, we should know that the science block toilets had better plumbing in them than the toilets elsewhere in the school.

That was it! That was the entirity of our "periods talk'! It took weeks of playground gossip to work out what the heck she'd been wittering about!

bobsmum · 27/10/2003 10:33

Make that 11.

fisil · 27/10/2003 18:11

You say you have practical reasons notlob - what are they?

I think I was about 8 or 9 when my mum told me - I was very unhappy at school in 3rd year juniors (Y5?) and my mum in her wisdom thought it might be the beginning of a PMT cycle! So she told me all about periods, I guess hoping that if we monitored when I was upset it might turn out to be once a month and that would be the reason.

Original poster

notlob · 27/10/2003 18:46

Practical reasons

explaining why I can't laways go swimming (see earlier posting)
not having to lock myself in the loo when I don't normally
explaining certain purchases
going to the loo together when out & about

It would just be so much easier if she knew.

I'm now waiting for her to ask a leading question, just watch she'll not ask any for a while!

OP posts:

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