I am a crap, crap mother

[squarebugs]

I have a wonderful, bright ds (5) who has just started school. He has settled well generally but there have been a couple of issues.

The teacher wants to refer him to SALT because he has problems occasionally processing and following instructions. Also another pupil who sits on his table is quite disruptive and my ds comes home most days talking about this boy's behaviour and also that he hit him.

I have spoken to the deputy head as I am worried that he will be sitting on the same table all year. But then my ds told me today that he had lied and this boy never hit him. I lost it and really shouted even screamed. A total over reaction but I am so very worried about him and also cross that he would lie about a serious thing like that. He then got upset and said he had hit him on the back he just couldn't remember. But maybe he told me this because I acted like a crazy witch about him lying (which in itself could mean something).

I am so worried about this SALT and what it means. I have been snappy with my 2 year old dd. I just feel like I am damaging my children and don't deserve them

Tomorrow is another day. If you feel that you have made a mistake then next time take a deep breath and control your feelings. It's really important that your son feels that he can talk to you. Maybe he didn't completely lie, maybe the other boy was mean to him in other ways. I know, I received a call from the head teacher the other day because my DS hit another boy really badly, but when I got the full story, the other boy had been teasing and 'pushing' DS since the school year started. It's really important that you talk to your ds and he feels that he can talk to you. There's no purpose to feeling guilty now, the only thing you can do is make sure you handle it better next time.

I honestly don't think there's a parent alive who hasn't occasionally overreacted to something and snapped at their kids. You know you overreacted, you care, you're not a bad mum. Also kids do need to know that lying is wrong so hopefully this will have got through too. Please don't stress about the SALT. Lots and lots of children need a bit of extra support at some stage, it's not a big deal, it doesn't mean you've not been a great mum. It's a good thing that the school want to look at lots of ways to help your son to do well.

As for this other boy who may or may not be disruptive, have you talked to the class teacher about this or just the deputy head? Usually the class teacher will know the children better and may be better placed to shed some light on this. It's very normal for kids to rub each other up the wrong way and to make stuff up about each other too! Obviously you want to keep listening to your son and check that he's ok and that there's nothing more to it. I hope you have a good class teacher who can help you with this.

Please don't be so hard on yourself.

I had a complete hissy fit yesterday because DS3 didn't remember to put a capital letter after a full stop for the billionth time. I'm not proud.

My point is - we all lose it at some point. We all lose our rag and shout and then regret it. Apologise, move on - good for him to know you're only human. But do apologise - and you'll work out what the truth is in good time; it will come out. If he was lying that's not necessarily significant - lots of kids at 5 make stuff up.

thanks everyone. I did apologise and we hugged and made up. I am just a bit stressed and worried at the moment and let it get the better of me. My dd is just being a 2 year old - but very trying.

Generally I love being a mum and like to think I am not too shouty. However the last few weeks I have been finding it a bit of a drudge. I thought it would be easier when my ds went to school but actually I miss him and it hasn't gone as smoothly as I would have hoped.

Hassled 'hissy fit' is a great way to describe my behaviour today. Oh well tomorrow is another day and all that. Onwards and upwards

yes I talked to the class teacher on parents eve. I only talked to deputy head because when I phoned, the teacher had left.