having only one child

[ottawagirl]

Hello, as someone who only wanted one child I am starting to feel a bit selfish about my decision and I am worried about how this will impact on my 4-year old. Are there any chatrooms, support groups, forums out there that anyone knows of to support those of us with only one child? Out of 60 children in my child's year at school there are only two other singletons. I often feel looked down upon by other mothers and am treated as someone who couldn't possibly understand what being a mother is as I have only gone through it all once. And I can't even count the number of times I get asked "Have you ONLY got the one then?" as if this is some sort of failing on my part. I would really like to feel better about my decision which was for very personal reasons and maybe find some people who are experiencing something similar. Thanks. Oh yeah -- I am new to Mumsnet and I have no idea about the abbreviations. Half the time I can't even understand the posts!

Hello EssentialFattyAcids,
Thanks for your thoughts. I have REALLY tried to connect with more parents of one child. But they aren't there! I live in a weird area which is a mixture of HUGE Bangladeshi families and VERY middle class moneyed families. The only other single kids in my DD's class are both IVF and the mothers would both have liked more siblings. I am the only one who has one by choice and I deffo feel like a freak.
But you are so right that "Enjoying the life that you have is an artform". This is my mantra on good days. I really have a wonderful life with lots of friends and work I love and a daughter who is absolutely wonderful.
It is more the outside world that seems to put a negative spin on my choice. When I am with my DD and her friends and my friends having a lovely time, I just feel so complete and happy. I would only have had another child for her sake. I personally didn't want one. So I guess I just need to buck up and ignore the comments at the school gate and enjoy everything life has given me!

There's a great article in TIME about this:
here

Great article macaroonie. Thanks.

My favourite quote is:
"Social scientists have surmised since the 1970s that singletons offer the rich experience of parenting without the consuming efforts that multiple children add: all the wonder and giggles and shampoo mohawks but with leftover energy for sex, conversation, reading and so on."

Right on!

I'm an only child and wouldn't have changed it for the world! I have an amazing relationship with my parents, made friends easily and learnt to share. Parents of only children tend to be so keen on making them share, they do it earlier than children with brothers and sisters who tend to fight it out. Sorry for the huge generalisations, but you really have nothing to worry about. Enjoy your little one!

Hi there, my DS is 11 months and we had decided to just have one child even before i had my ds. He was planned btw! We dont have any family near us so would b very expensive financially to have more than one with childcare- although im going back just 2 days.
We both have toyed with having another since ds was born but i think we r going to stick to our decision. If i won the lottery i def have 2 more lol.
Everyone just presumes i going to have another but atm i still can get away with it as hes still young.
I do feel slightly jealous i must admit if i know someone pregnant, but im sure even if i had another i'd always feel this way.
Will def make my way over to the only child threads xx

Thanks, FGF.

I often hear that only children are happy in their youth and then feel somewhat bereft in their later years. But I wonder how much of that is society constantly saying that if you are on only child you SHOULD be feeling bereft!
I have six siblings but have moved across the world from them so in a way I may as well be an only.

Thanks for your wise words.

I'm in my thirties, so if misery was going to kick in, I would assume it would have appeared by now!

I think the bereft bit is to do with parents and big decisions to be honest. Both my parents are in good health but that hasn't always been the case. When they were seriously ill, there weren't any siblings to turn to. I had to make big decisions, as the other parent was distraught.

It can be a bit daunting, but I've seen how siblings can pull apart and fight each other over family concerns, and I don't have to worry about that. I had my husband and other parent for support.

Some siblings get on fabulous (my husband does with his siblings) but I don't think I've missed out at all. My parents both believe that they couldn't have enjoyed their lives any more if they'd had more children, so we're all happy!

I think that one child families are lovely, and wouldn't judge any family that either makes the choice or has one child because of circumstances.