help with feelings about my mil

[chester21]

I think I may very well being unreasonable but I cant get rid of this niggling feeling I have that my mil is interfering. It seems that everything we do or have to decide on when it comes to my son she has to have a say and want to be included in all the decisions. I was hoping that we had sorted this out when i was pregnant when she wanted a certain name for our boy which i am so happy that the oh sat her down and explained that our sons name had already been decided and that it was mine and his decision only when it came to our little boy. This is the first grandchild so I was expecting a little bit of interference but it has gone so much worse. She doesnt like the fact that we have decided that our boy will be going to a creche or that we want him to go to a certain school (a five minute walk from our house) where she wants him to go to a school that will take a good 20 to walk the list goes on and on how do i sort out this feeling because I dont want to stop her seeing her grandson but I now dread every time we have to go to see them.

It is difficult to get the balance right

It sounds as if talking to her isn't going to work so maybe you need to think up some stock answers ready for when she makes un wanted remarks

Thank you for you idea, but we have decided to do.....

I have yet to talk to dh about this, but thank you for your comment

This is the way we have decided to do it

We all have different ideas about what is right

Etc

On the plus side, it's very nice that your MIL wants to be so involved with your child. Many grandparents keep their distance and don't want any involvement at all. Try not to ask her opinion in the first place if you don't want to get one. 'Tell' her about your son assertively. "He'll be going to XYZ creche".. "We've chosen the XYZ school"... no equivocation. If she does express her opinion, smile and say 'what an interesting idea' but don't act on it. If she gets more insistent you say 'No. He's our son and we've made a decision'. If you have to make yourself unpopular with something slightly more offensive... don't shy away. That baby is your responsibility and you have to stick up for yourself.

My mum is a terrible interferer as I'm sure she'd like to have a crack at motherhood all over again. But they had their chance... now it's our turn.

I know how you feel, OP. With my MIL I often feel like I have to be almost rude to actually get through to her clearly enough that NO, I will not be using a dummy/ babywalker/ piercing DD's ears etc etc etc

If it's any consolation, having fought all those battles first time rounds, she never uttered a word when DS came along.