Crying, crying and more crying... please help!

[NewMummy5July2011]

Hi
My DD is 9.5 weeks old and she seems to be crying more than usual. She cried alot in the early days and it was very hard to settle her. She had a period of improvement where she cried less and seemed much more content and happy - now she is back to crying, crying and more crying!

I'm finding it difficult as I'm the only one who can seem to comfort her when she is like this - my DH can't - and sometimes she will be settled with me, the minute I give her to him she starts up again. It's exhausting, and I worry that I am not doing things right. When she starts I always go through the whole list - hunger, nappy, boredom, tiredness, windy, etc. etc and often the only thing that works is her cuddled into my chest - sometimes with her dummy, sometimes not.

She has some spells of being really happy and smiling but they don't last long. The minute I am not in the room she cries. My DH tries to play with her, she cries. I love her desperately but it's impossible to even take a bath or shower (I do it obviously but I can hear her crying the whole time)

I find it really breaks my heart because sometimes I just don't know what is wrong or how to make it better - I want her to be happy and enjoy being in the company of others, especially my DH.

She sleeps well and feeds well (bottle), has regular poos and wet nappies, is gaining weight well... just cries loads!

I know there is plenty of advice out there on colic etc. etc. and I've read it all but just wondered if anyone has anything new to share, or just some general support as I'm starting to feel like I'm failing as a new mum.

I am no expert but 2 of my nephews cried a lot and stopped between 3 and 4 months- they are very happy children now
you sound like a GREAT mum - some babies just do cry alot - although might be worth having a chat with GP/health visitor to check out nothing is wrong
do you get out and about - my DCs were happy out of the house - baby groups, and baby massage might be an idea

these people might be helpful

www.cry-sis.org.uk/

Oh, poor you

It is normal for many babies to want to be close to their Mum and only their Mum. If you think about it, it is all part of our ability to survive as a species. It passes, honestly, often around the 12-14 wk mark.

It sounds like you are doing everything right! She will enjoy being with others very soon, I can pretty much guarantee it. My secodn was like this and it was a big shock and very, very, very draining! He is a toddler now and it seems like a lifetime ago. But at the time, oh, it was tough.

YOU ARE NOT FAILING AT ALL! Even if it doesn't feel like it, your presence will comfort her and if you need 20 minutes break, then she will be okay with your dh or loving granny, etc. Yep, she might cry, but she is not being left to cry alone and there are times you just have to get a bath!

Do you have a sling? A lot of babies practically live in these. Ds2 would be yelling, then I'd pop him in the sling and he'd settle. It also gives you a free hand to get a cup of tea. Or send your dh out with her in it for a brisk walk. The closeness and the motion are very soothing.

Hang in there. It gets easier.

she just really likes you :)

is it all day? or just in evenings?
can she always be consoled by you cuddling her?
any other issues? bad nappies, eczema, being sick?

have you tried having her in a sling?

My eldest cried and cried and cried. He would only stop if I walked around the room with him.

At 13 weeks, it just stopped, completely out of the blue.

No advice, I'm sorry, but it will get easier.

Second what has been said above. DS also cried a lot at that age. Mostly I would get about 10-15 minutes smiles out of him, the rest was crying, feeding or sleeping. The sling was a life saver! It got loads better at about 14-16 weeks (not quite at 12).

My first two were like this and reading your post reminded me of just how tiring that phase was. It did pass and they are happy, confident little chaps now. I agree with everything other people have said. Get out of the house together lots to help to keep you sane. Also, maybe get your DP to take your LO out for a stroll sometimes so you can actually relax in the bath etc without being stressed by the sound of crying. You've probably tried this, but my DC3 was really soothed by white noise, i wish I'd tried it with the other two. Do talk to your GP or health visitor of course if you're still worried. Hang on in there.

Just changed my nickname after writing this post - as discovered some mates figured out who I was with my newmummy nickname.

Thank you all for your support. I have used a sling but she doesn't seem particularly fond of it. Perhaps I'll try it again. She won't have it with my DH. Just now she was crying and I knew she was tired. My DH tried to put her down and she just wailed and wailed. I came in, picked her up for a second, put her back down and she went right to sleep.

So so hard for my DH too - she just doesn't seem to want to settle with him.

I'll be holding out for that 12 - 16 week mark and with a little luck it will start to get better then.

thisisyesterday - the crying is on and off all day and she usually is consolable by me (but only by me). She does get windy and sick up, but usually only after morning feed.