Please help at the end of my tether with 15yr old DD

[chickydoo]

I'll try to be brief.
Have a wonderful 15yr old DD. Loving, kind, funny , helpful & an all round sweetheart! But.....she was diagnosed many years ago with dyspraxia, and very mild aspergers symptoms. She is very disorganised, messy and a bit grubby.
I have done all the text book stuff to try and help her, she is almost 16 & has always been like this. My DD also wets the bed at night, so is on long term medication. Every few months I blitz her room, today I had a rare day off work and thought I would tackle it.
I found
14 used sanitary pads, in various stages of grossness, stuffed in drawers, behind things etc. 8 pairs of soiled pants. mountains of dirty clothes. ( I did give her her own wash bin once, but she just threw everything in it)
5 empty bags of crisps.
3 mugs with dubious dregs. My best wine glass full of mouldy chocolate drink.
7 pairs of my tights, my best knickers....used...
my "lost make up bag" though i'd left it on holiday. Cups, plates, cutlery to be honest the list of stuff is endless. I could cry, I can't go like this....6 hours on her room, and needs at least 6 more! She just can't organise herself, and if I say don't eat in your room she promises she won't but does anyway.
She is quite clever at school, and will most likely pass all 11 GCSE's with flying colours, even being as muddled as she is. I love her to bits, and she seems so vulnerable, has few real friends and wants to be with me all the time. I try to get her to go out a little, and she even had a boyfriend albeit for 2 weeks but this room thing is getting me down, I don't know what to do any more. She is so private, and is ashamed about it, but can't stop, don't feel I can talk to anyone anymore about it, any advice would be very welcome
Thank you

Oh lots of sympathy, my DS is on the autistic spectrum and I'm dreading the teenage years!

Could you sit down and do some very basic house rules? Would a bin in her room work? How about a spare washing up bowl? Each evening you could ask, "right bring down any pots in your room now I am washing up" and "right bring down anything dirty I am putting a wash on". Does she make her own bed? I've tackled this with DS by asking him to do things as I am also doing them or something similar so he makes his bed as I make mine, as we get changed we decide if clothes/pjs need to be put in laundry or draped somewhere tidy for another wear. Obv it would mean some daily chattering about these things but at least you wouldn't be losing hours in her room tidying up.

Sorry if you have tried all these things, let me know if you have and I will continue thinking.

Maryz
Great advice. I can usually turn a blind eye to the room, just think I was overwhelmed today. The instruction thing is spot on. I can say to her, put a load of washing in the machine at 30 degrees, and it's done. Yet if I say go and sort your room out....nothing...
Funny with aspergers, her friends don't know, my friends don't know....would never believe me if I told them, would say " she's so lovely, so clever, you must be wrong. Even I forget some of the time, then we have days like today,and it hits me hard.
Thanks for listening, and to you to whowhowho

Would a check list of all the things you expect her to do to keep her room tidy help? My DS has aspergers and I can ask him to go and do something and by the time he gets there has forgotten what it is he is supposed to do so goes off on a tangent, I found lists do help him especially if encouraged to write them himself and then I often offer a reward and that always seems to help {wink}