4yo ds doesn't want to go *anywhere*

[phdlife]

not kindy
not swimming
not the library
not the shops
not even the hardware store (he's tool-mad, and we're in the middle of a project for his room, but still no)
and definitely, never, EVER, is he going to school.

it is wearing me out, the fight to get him out the door every time we need to go somewhere. Of course he loves everything once he's there . It's not like we do all that much; he gets lots of home time, he just would rather stay home with me. (yep I'm supposed to stay home too ). Lots of advance notice, time-warnings (ten minutes til we go!), discussion of what we're doing when/where/why - not making a whole lot of difference. Threats ("fine if you're going to kick me then I will drive off with you not in your carseat" ) only cause an epic meltdown which is fair(ish) because he's clearly dealing with some ishoo that I'm just not getting.

We are really struggling with his volcanic temper too. It comes out of nowhere and just blindsides him. He is always devastated after and needs a LOT of cuddling but that isn't always practical as I also have a 2yo, myself, and a house to look after.

We are dealing with a sensitive, smart, thoughtful, focused kid, not a runny-aroundy one, if that makes any difference. I am really, really hoping that the imminent school hols will help, but ime it's only going to be worse afterwards.

Clues, please!

No advice I'm afraid, my DD was a total socialite. The only similar thing was (and occasionally still is) the volcanic temper. When she erupts, I put her in her room or somewhere away from me. She is 10.4 now.
Bumping for you though.

Hi - I have a similar issue. My son just likes to stay home and play - as you said once he gets to places he is fine usually. I think he is a bit scared. He doesn't want to be a big boy, wants to stay little has even said if I eat this I will be a big strong boy and I don't want to be big. He doesn't seem ready to grow up yet and still wants to be little. Have decided within reason to go with it as if he still needs that I guess that is fine and when he is ready he will take on new challenges. He can be very clingy still - hides behind me when I take him to nursery. It started when he was about 2. I am just trying to focus on making him feel more confident and safe and hoping the rest will come in time. I do worry that i have done something but then his twin is nothing like this. He had a very difficult start with 3 months in and out of great ormond st and lots of time in hospital so i wonder (though it's probably bull) if this made a difference. Good luck with yours - I guess some kids just take longer to develop independence and confidence and need to feel very safe a bit longer..

This sounds a lot like my dd1. Kicking off at the mention of going out, it dosn't matter where. Refusing to get ready and it all ending up in a fight. She is now nearly five and it is getting better. She was also a very shy child but has really come out of herself in the last 6 months, I dont know if the two are linked.
As a toddler she hated getting dressed/undressed and I think part of the problem was having to do shoes, coat etc so I tried to keep it simple.
What infuriated me more is she is not really keen on playing with toys at home and needs lots of entertaining to stop her wining for cbeebies, so getting out was important. Like some of the other posters children she wants/needs a lot of attention for me and dh.
THe only advice I can give is to be very clear that you are going and have everything ready in advance, and it does seem to be getting easier.

ladyintheradiator that does sound just like ds!!

I've got AF atm and last night there was a massive scene with me on the toilet wanting to do paperwork (without sending him into shock - it's niagara falls down there atm) and having to physically shove sobbing ds out door and lock it in his face.

My ds very similar. He just loves to be at home. We got to the point where we never told him what we were doing as we knew the way the discussion would progress ... No yes no yes you are no don't want to you'll enjoy it no I WON'T shouting screaming etc etc. We just told him to put his shoes on and whisked him into the car and started driving. With enough poor parenting techniques raisins chocolate etc he soon forgot about his worries (which I think it genuinely was). He's much better now.

Gosh, that sounds really cruel . It was done with lots of calm care! We've also talked a lot about him trusting us, that we do nice things with him/for him.

I'm with 40notTrendy.

Just talked things through once we were in the car, rather than having the seemingly endless arguments about shoes at the bottom of the stairs with DS throwing bags everywhere. Bags in car. Shoes on DS, out the door. No begging or pleading (it doesn't help anyway) and less stress all round.

Phew Jareth, not just us then

well I don't know how you guys do it but if he's really in a mood (this doesn't happen often) then I cannot physically wrestle him into his shoes or the bloody carseat.

DS has always been a refusnik, prob just used to it.

I also threaten removal of toys if he doesn't comply, and he knows ill bloody stick to it :)

Mostly now he's fine, but when we need to leave the house at 7am for nursery/work I just don't have time for messing about tbh