When naughty children come to visit do you let their parents know of their bad deeds?

[LemonDifficult]

So if a child were to draw on your walls or similar, do you suck it up? Or do you think it's more responsible to let the parent know what's happened?

I can't decide. I am a wuss, though.

[sits on hands]
[whispers "social engineering"]

Who said that? Outrageous.

Hmm I'm a bit rubbish actually.

We have a lad who often comes round to play footie in our back garden - his behaviour is not great so I have started telling him so (eg, please don't hang off the goal/washing line) and once when I saw him kick a ball over the fence kind of on purpose I said something - he replied "it wasn't me it was " I told him I saw him and I didn't like people who told lies

I never said anything to his mum tho she is a pal of mine so maybe all the more reason but I can't bring myself.

just tell him off yourself, most kids will take that and understand where they stand and what's acceptable behaviour.

the kid will probably behave next time.

I would tell off a visiting child for major infractions (which would definitely include drawing on walls!) and if I had told off a child any more than a mild "stop doing that please" for a minor issue, I would tell the parents. Solely to get my version in first!

I'd do it in a low key way though, and as specifically but neutrally as possible "I had to talk a bit sharply to darling Horrenda when she was drawing on the walls". (Not "your child was a nightmare PITA all afternoon and she's never darkening these doors again!"). Then, after she'd gone, a nice big gin.....

I have a 4 year old DD. I'd like to know if she misbehaved at someone else's house, she's young, she's learning so I'd like to have been able to have a chat to her about it.

Generally I wouldn't. Probably because the other child is under the influence of my two (sometimes/often) mischievous boys! I would tell if the child, for example, used a banned word, or if he hit/pushed/smacked/scratched. But drawing on the wall - no, making a mess - no (although he would have to help tidy up before leaving), being generally cheeky - no.

not easy.

i would not tell mum.

but i would follow that kid around like glue and make sure he doesn't do anything. just say 'we don't do that in our house.' if he continues say that you'll have to take him home because you don't want your wall / stairs / priceless picasso ruined. and then follow through. and then tell his mum that he wouldn't stop stamping on picasso so he's come home.

The Picasso is safe. (I've lent it to an important National Collection, just for the time being).

Sticking like glue and following him everywhere is probably what I'll do. I resent it a bit though. I don't have to watch my 2yo that closely.

lemondifficult, i don't think you'll have to do it for long though. because as soon as he realises the boundaries in your house are strong and your threats will be carried out he won't push them anymore. but think also you have to try not to lose it and shout at him.

I have told parents in the past if their DC was badly behaved enough to warrant a bit more than a glare or a milk ticking off.

One of DS1's friends hit him on the head with a large stick once. I definitely told his mum! Plus I have never invited him around again... And I am still friends with the mother

we have a little girl who i wont have round anymore. I told her mum about her behaviour but she continued to do it.