Working Mums: Am I alone in the guilt department?

[dublindee]

I've just missed my first "first". I've condensed my working hours as much as I can so I only do three 10 hour days as I wanted to make sure I was there for all the milestones. DS went to see Santy in his creche on Thursday - but work wouldn't let me take an extended lunch to be there, so I missed it. DP went and took pics and we ARE going this Sunday too in the retail park when my sis is over... but it won't be his first time. Feel guilty enough leaving him while I'm in work already without this too

Anyone else want/need to vent please join me - misery loves company!

Hi dublindee, easy to say but guilt is pointless unless you act on it SO create as many firsts as you can when you can be there, enjoy your time away working as much as you can and relish the time with them. Happy mummies etc etc

I've tried not to wallow, and am purposely bringing him this weekend to see Santy so I can make up for not being there. Trying to get as creative as poss figuring out new and fun things to do when I AM home. As for enjoying work, genuinely love my job but by nature it's tough at this time of year. Work for financial institution (who shall remain nameless) dealing with interest rate queries and account closures, refunds etc.

Don't normally moan - will be back to cheery self soon.

DP was there - if you share parenting you should be happy DP got to see it (you can't have all the fun to yourself !).

Also - in my experience - kids are often terrified by Santa the first time - not a bad "first" to miss .

just wanted to commiserate, ive just changed to working at home and I cant believe the pressure that has been lifted. I felt guilty about everything and was constantly racing against time. No advice but just wanted to sympathise. Keep your chin up

Dublindee, the real Santy, isn't in the creche!! He's up the chimney in Smithfield!! I know, I've been!!

Am chuffed he was there. As a daddy you get no options to change your work rota and paternity leave is useless so this does redress the parental imbalance a bit.

But I'm greedy! In my perfect world we'd BOTH have been there! Apparently he didn't cry, but was very bewildered in a "who-the-hell-is-this-dude-in-a-red-suit-anyway?-and- why-have-you-made-me-sit-on-his-knee-dad?" kinda way! When it got to the wobbly lip stage DP wussed out and bolted for the door with DS in tow!

Smithfield chipmonk? No way is he north of the Liffey!
Besides I'm living in North Wales now - so even if he was (which he's not ) that's no real use to me...

He is too! We went up in a glass lift to the top of the chimney and there he was! I thought the ds's would love it but they felt a bit sick and dizzy looking down. Great views though!

Dublindee - I missed my DD first crawl and first steps - heartbreaking - but if I wasn't at work then we would be on the streets. Took DD 3 today yesterday to earls court to see santa. She didn't register it really and as we left she asked are we going to see Santa?

Haven't actually been - keep meaning to go. Many fond memories of racing around the fruit market on the flat trolleys there giving me da nightmares!! Might bring DS and DP when we're home for Christmas and relive some of my mis-spent youth sigh

happy birthday to your little one Lasvegas good point about the streets!

I was just shedding a few tears earlier on today about this very subject (missing out 'cos I work). I work full-time and was feeling very sorry for myself earlier, thinking that I didn't envisage life being like this - me being at work full-time and not being with my babies at home... But I'm the sole wage earner so there's no choice - and I've got a really good job which I enjoy, so I can't have it all ways. Just some days are harder than others to manage it all.

dublindee - I'm presuming your DS is still a baby?

In which case don't worry about it - the best "first" visit to Father Christmas comes when they're about 3/4 - as they actually understand what's going on.

Even being at home full time you miss lots of 'firsts'. I speak from experiences - DS1 (who I was home with full time until he started school) hardly showed me any of his 'firsts' - it was either granny, a friend looking after him for 1/2hr, DH, everyone else at toddler group while I nipped to the toilet.

First steps where at at granny's house (while I was in the other room).

DS2's first steps - well I haven't got a clue - I walked back into the room and he was toddling very tentatively across the room DS1 informed me that he'd been doing it for a few "sleeps" (nights)- so no-one saw his first steps.

Try not to worry about it. -tbh I've found most of DS1's first I did see have 'faded' into my distant memory.

Oh no, you're not alone - I think every working mother, and a lot of fathers feel this. If you have to work (for the money/sanity/whatever) it comes with the territory.

The racing against time is very familiar to me...

nope dont feel guilty at all - they will always be firsts - always - you wont be there for first kiss.
firsts last a lifetime. and i dont get the specialness about them.

i was there when mine were babies can i remember the first tooth, the first carrot, the first footstep, the first shoe, the first crawl, the first roll, the first gurgle, smile, mamma, dada - errrrr no

because i have better memories than the first fkin tooth fgs.

Our creche is very good about "Not Mentioning" when they do a first, so you think you've seen their first time to do something when its more than likely the 2nd or 3rd time!

Dublindee, am probably not the best mum but I am not too bothered about being present for the "firsts" or milestones so long as I get to see them at some point. It was more if someone told me dd was doing so-and-so, I would get really excited and go "really???" and watch out more closely. Dd was latish for most of early milestones so happy she got there finally ...

Ok, feeling a bit more sane today. Got in from work DP had DS fed, in pj's and almost ready for bed with my dinner ready... Have I mentioned I adore this man?!

Anyway, I finished my dinner and DP was bringing DS up to brush teeth and have nappy changed while I cleared up. I waved at them and said "up in a minute - bye bye for now" when ds actually properly waved back!! Feck santy! That wave was just the coolest thing ever. And we tried again so it wasn't a fluke and he repeated it. Clever little boy

HRH - he's nearly 10months old can't believe that though - only seems like yesterday...

p.s. before the swear police accost me - feck isn't considered a curse in Ireland!

It is so a feckin' curse!

Nope! Promise you it isn't!

Dublindee-I was a SAHM for ds' first year (and am again-dd 5 mo). Ds did pretty much EVERY milestone for his daddy. Dd is going the same way. At least he waved at you first! Thats more than ds ever did. Mummy was clearly too boring even to be waved at.

Dublindee, don't you know that first's aren't real first's if mum isn't there to witness them. If you're at work on Thursday, and dd/ds crawls, then you see him/her do it on Saturday the true first crawl is on Saturday.

There are no exceptions. Doesn't count if you aren't there.

BTW, my nanny said she was taking taking the kids to see santa with another nanny and I said "No you're not. That's my activity." She looked a bit disappointed so I said she could go AFTER me. So, I do sympathise. But, hey, don't beat yourself up.