I think I expect too much from my children and may have been too hard on them

[TheOriginalFAB]

This hasn't worked as I have no control over them, they have no respect for anyone or anything and I have long realised I am not up to the job. Where do I go from here?

Have you read How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk?

Thank you for the most recent posts, they are really helpful and I will use your ideas. Yesterday was a better day as I really tried to stay calm and I will do the same today. I know it is my fault and that it is me that is doing most things wrong and don't have a clue about kids, but I am trying really hard. Loving them is not enough and I realise that now. My parents didn't even like me, never mind love me, so I thought I was doing okay by loving them more than anything else.

This morning DS1 has trapped DS2's head in the door, DS2 has complained that DD is being ner ner na ner ner about him talking and the cat is hiding away from all of them.

How to talk... is fantastic.

I'm not sure how to describe a zero tolerance policy really, I think it's just that we are clear that any kind of fighting or violence is totally unacceptable so we step in and deal with it as soon as it happens (or before if at all possible!).

Something that has helped enormously for us is to really "big up" the kids relationship with each other. So since DS2 was a baby we have been telling DS1 how much his little brother loves and admires him and we are always telling them (when they are being nice to each other) what good brothers they are and how lucky they are to have each other.

Seems like they believe it too!

Good luck.