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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

How much do you do for your 8 yr old?

25 replies

Blossomgoodwill · 08/12/2005 19:13

Just wondering really.

For mine I :-

Lay out his clothes, pants etc

Brush his teeth after he has (as he is just no good at it)

Also wash his face

Get his drinks, food etc

Tidy up after him

DH says I do too much and am doing him no favours. He says I need to stop wrapping him in cotton wool I kind of agree but things like getting his clothes out of the wardrobe is so much better if I do it as he will drag the rest of the contents of the wardrobe with it!

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noddyholder · 08/12/2005 19:16

My ds is 11 and i am still doing a few of those At 8 I was doing everything too Dp says the same but I am getting him doing more now but hate the state of his cupboard when he has been in them but have to let it go Do you have other kids?

DingDongMaloryOnHighTowers · 08/12/2005 19:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stitch · 08/12/2005 19:17

i dont do much of that for my four year old.
even my two year old gets her own pyjamas and nappy out sometimes.

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frogs · 08/12/2005 19:18

I had dd2 when dd1 was 8 and frankly I not only expected her to be able to do all of the above for herself, I expected her to be able to do it for her younger brother and sister as well.

Ds is now 6 and does all of the above himself, apart from making his own meals. He does his own packed lunches under supervision, though, and can peel carrots etc. He also empties dishwasher, sorts laundry and tidies up bedroom.

I'm big on child labour, as you see.

Mincepiedermama · 08/12/2005 19:19

I get my 7 year old her food and some of her drinks. She does all the other things mentioned by herself. (I do tidy up after her a bit, but with gritted teeth).

stitch · 08/12/2005 19:19

blossom, let me tell you about my bil. at the age of twenty he did not know how to tie a tie. he never had to coz his mom always did it.
neither did he know how to take a mug down to the kitchen sink. let alone wash it.
dont get me started.......

stitch · 08/12/2005 19:20

o yes, ds, aged 8 is cheif potato peeler inour house.
he also makes his own cheese sandwichs if he wants them. and can get his baby sis a bottle of milk.

LIZS · 08/12/2005 19:21

For ds, who will be 8 in March,

Lay out his clothes, pants etc - leave school stuff accessible, he dresses himself including tie, but weekends he does himself

Brush his teeth after he has (as he is just no good at it) - he does it

Also wash his face - he does it

Get his drinks, food etc - fetches his own drinks and stuff from fridge and fruit bowl

Tidy up after him - depends, he clears his plates etc and packs away games and puzzles

Original poster

Blossomgoodwill · 08/12/2005 19:25

You don't want to know what I do for my 6 yr old dd

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Original poster

Blossomgoodwill · 08/12/2005 19:26

Stitch - oh gawd I am breeding a younger version of your bil !

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batters · 09/12/2005 10:14

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MIstletAOU · 09/12/2005 10:43

my 8 year old needs a lot of prompting and reminding, but she does the following:

gets her own clothes out (weekdays and weekends)
brushes her own teeth and washes herself
tidies her room
puts clean clothes away
makes toast and sandwiches (though we slice the bread)
can make bread rolls and traybakes unsupervised (we hover for the oven bit though!)
makes her own bed each day
changes her sheet and pillowcase (I do the quilt)

I do wash her hair for her as she can't manage that. And she needs to be told to do everything, or nothing would happen!

My 7 year old does most of these things too, though her tidying up needs supervision an d so does putting away clothes - yes it would be easier and quicker to do it myself but then she would never learn!

sorrelsleighbells · 09/12/2005 10:53

i think i expected dd to do too much at 8- i imagined she was much more capable of doing things than she actually was. it was not the practical side - she could do most of what was listed below, but the remembering to do it and the prioritising was much trickier.
now 10 she is so much better at getting herself sorted- getting PE kit together, remembering that
it is Friday , laying the table when tracey beaker is on Tv( sense of time)
She still has to be asked to do her teeth, but that is just because she can't be bothered!

Stilltrue · 09/12/2005 11:22

My just 7 yo

organises her own uniform inc PE/games kit
chooses her own weekend clothes
runs her own bath (though I rinse her hair as it's longish)
tidies her bed in the mornings
can make herself a simple snack
gets her own drinks I need to nag her to hang up the wet towel after her bath but that's about it really.

My 10 and 12 yo dss were the same. 12 yo can cook spag bol/basic curry (under supervision!). Both have made toast since about age 8.

I'd have thought an 8 yo could fetch his own drinks etc. If you are happy doing these things for him, then fine. Just watch you don't end up (as sil has) with a large teenager who drops clothes wherever and kind of expects to be waited on hand and foot because he genuinely knows no different.

MIstletAOU · 09/12/2005 11:50

Blossom, if you want to try and change this situation, then I would suggest getting him to tidy up after himself first. It is a good place to start and once he has mastered this skill the others will fall into place much easier. It's a good lifeskill to encourage too - presumably he has to tidy up after himself in school so he will be used to doing it to some extent.

shimmy21 · 09/12/2005 12:18

Reading this makes me realise that I'm doing far to much for ds 9 too. i do all the things that you do Blossom. But if you're like me it's not as simple as just telling him to do it. I get his school clothes out because of clothes strewn on the floor if I don't but also because it's the only way I can get him dressed in time for school. I get him food and drinks because of safety (climbing up to high cupboards, using sharp bread knife etc not good with v clumsy boy!) Also I have to control what he eats and if he has free rein he scoffs all the treats.(fruit always within reach)I clean his teeth because the dentist told him he wasn't doing it properly. I wash his face and brush his hair because he 'forgets' every single morning. I also remind him to do his homework and get his bag ready for school because he not only 'forgets' every time but he also doesn't care if his homework is not done ad not handed in. I do! I also 'help' him to tidy his bedroom but he has to make a token effort too. If I leave him to tidy it alone everything gets stuffed under the bed or shoved in random draws and ends up lost or broken.

Yes, I know I need to let him do his own chores but how on earth do you make a 9 year old boy care if his room is untidy, his clothes crumpled or his hair a mess???

hercules · 09/12/2005 12:23

anything he can physically do.

MIstletAOU · 09/12/2005 12:27

Supervision is the key. Supervise him brushing his hair, rather than doing it for him. Supervise him tidying his room - even if you have to say "fold that up, put it in the third drawer down, pick up that book and put it on the shelf, there's a red pen there and a blue pen over there, pick them up and put them away" - verbal input only. After a while of doing this you can reduce the verbal input to a minimum.

Re making toast/sandwiches - we cut the bread for dd and she makes ham/jam/chocolate spread sandwiches for herself - no sharp knives involved.

Have to dash, ds is crying - but ask yourself by what age you would expect NOT to have to do these things for ds, and how you are going to reach that stage - he needs teaching how to do all these tasks, he will not suddenly start doing them of his own accord IMO

charlietherednosedpussy · 09/12/2005 12:29

My 8 year old knows she has to tidy up craft etc after herself if she has bombed the place...If she clears the table or paper cutting etc I will hoover the glitter off the floor.
I make the food she brings the plates into the kitchen for washing.
She can make cereal without making too much mess. She helps her 5 year old with hers too.
She remembers that she has recorder club on Monday and gets her recorder/music sheets herself.
I put the clothes in a pile and they(8 + 5)dig through working through whos is whos.
They need motivated to get everything together to get out the door...coat, shoes, book bags, lunch boxes.
I brush and wash and nit her hair and plait it although she can do it herself she doesnt often need too.
I will help them tidy their room. Its too small for 2 of them and has too much stuff in it and ends up a right pigsty. i get her to locate all playmobil/polly/soft toys and she sorts out those things while I sort out the rest.
She sometimes has attitude about it....but hey its not fun!

stitchcantthinkofgoodxmassname · 10/12/2005 11:49

jesus christ.
i am shocked.

why cant a nine year old handle a sharp knife???
why are cupboard s higher up dangerous for him?????
why do you brush his teeth ffs?

they cut the umbilical cord nine years ago. stop trying to pretend it is still there. you are doing NO favours to your kids by doing all this for them.
allow them to gorwo up.

SoBlue · 10/12/2005 13:09

My ds(17 now)could do most of the things mentioned unaided at 8 even with slight sn but needed alot of organising. He was also ironing the odd thing and washing up regularily. Unfortunately he left home not knowing how to use the washing machine one you might want to add to the list along the way.

hativity · 10/12/2005 19:09

my fil said to me (yonks ago) that there's a brief period when kids want to do helpful things and, to put it bluntly it's a pita, cos it's so much easier to do it yourself, but, that if you don't let them at that point when they would actually enjoy the independence of it they'll give up and you are dooming yourself to a lifetime of servitude. I think he's absolutely right. DD1 (5) came downstairs this morning and, entirely unbidded laid the table for breakfast (even I don't do that!) bowls and spoons and cups out for everyone and all the breakfast serial. won't belong before she's putting it on a tray and bringing it to me in bed, if I have anything to do with it.

hativity · 10/12/2005 19:10

cereal even

magnolianMistletoe · 10/12/2005 19:33

Eldest is 10 and she has made tea since age 8 and toast too although she heats it in the microwave to make it warm before she gives it out

She makes her sister a bottle, can do the nappy changing, walks the dogs up and down the road, cleans puppy pee from kitchen floor if needed . She puts all her clothes away and hoovers her room as well as cleaning the bathroom for extra pocket money.

My 6 year old twins try to make toast, they can put most of their clothes away, tidy up their rooms as well as the front room, lay the table, take the black bag out to wheelie bin, feed the fish, blimey loads more probably!!

My 2 year old puts her own toys away and puts her shoes in hallway as well as taking her cup/plate out to kitchen when finished.

They all clean their own teeth and brush their own hair although I help if needed with the younger ones

Can't you see how I manage to be on here so much

justacigar · 10/01/2006 18:48

Just wanted to refresh this thread as I am now working f/t and have two kids in school, 7 and 4. I never FELT like I was coddling them, but now I realise I do do EVERYTHING for them - except wiping their bottoms - and I want to change this! I don't want to pay them for chores, I just want to establish some good ground rules. Is it better to change one thing at a time, or is it better to do a big dramatic flouncy announcement "things are gonna change around here". All they do at the moment is very reluctant moany setting the table, if I ask them about a million times. They also take their plates the 2 metres from the kitchen table to the dishwasher, although this seems to be unduly stressful for them.

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