Do not know what to say....

[Wossisface]

I'm struggling for words with my very good friend. I'm hoping for advice.

My friends baby has been found to be blind :( they arenot sure at this point if it's something they an correct or not. Not sure what's causing it. They know it's not cataracts. But now awaiting more tests. The gp has given them a pessimistic outcome and I guess rightly so as he has experience and false hope wouldn't be do any favours. She is distraught. I find myself coming out with all the clichès and nothing helpful.

What can I say of comfort to her?

I saw your thread and didn't want it to go unanswered.

I think it might help to post it in this section www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs

You have it posted in the section for parents with disabilities, but the one I've linked to is relating to children with special needs.

Hope that helps.

For what it's worth (sorry I forgot to say this in my last post) just you being there to listen to your friend will be a help to her.

I know she may feel numb, angry, sad and a whole range of feelings at the minute while things are still unsure, but she needs friends and support.

If you don't know what to say, maybe just be quiet, let her talk and offer practical help.

Maybe you could help with household tasks while she takes her LO to clinic or help her with shopping. Just whatever you think she might need.

If she needs space though, give her space.

It's amazing how much comfort and strength a person can gather from knowing they have a supportive friend.

That's truely awful. I guess just be there for her. I think often when things like this happen "friends" disappear as they can't handle it. So just try no to do that and be a good friend to her.

You are a lovely friend "wossisface". It must be so awful to find your child has something wrong with it. My mum said when I was diagnosed at 15 months old with Juvenile Arthritis,that people just dropped off the face of the earth because they didn't know what to say, felt that going out with my parents disabled child would not be cute or fun etc. All rather awful for them but actually often children with a disability massively accept it, I do not know one child friend of mine who has had arthritis or other disabilities who have just got on with life. Our difficulties become no more to us than what a paper cut is to any one "well". It doesn't mean children with difficulties are not aware they are different, they are but I really believe they just rise above it. You are aware as a child, that is ill, that you have two options in life, sit and moan or cry and not be popular with your peer group and get the help you want or smile, be the happiest child in your peer group and have a group of friends who love to be around you,helpful and make any difference you occasionally feel just slide away.

I doubt what I am writing is really much help but I am almost certain her child will be ok, maybe not be sighted but honestly if it is not curable her child will find super strength and power to overcome the difficulty. My father,this weekend, stood looking at my nine month old son babbling and smiling and said "your mother and I keep looking to see if there is a sign of him being ill but he is a strong cracker". I thought, if my son is ill he will be even more of a cracker and certainly more emotionally strong :)

Good luck, you are a lovely person x

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