Please tell me how your life is with 2 toddlers as I think DH needs to realistic.

[lannook]

We have 2 children, 3 yrs and 2 yrs (15 mo apart) and I find it very hard and it gets me down at times - the squabbling, noise and just general relentlessness of it. DH thinks it should be getting easier and he resents that we don't have time for one another and our own interests. We tend to mooch too much at the weekends (just moved so know no one/things where we are and it is a language neither of us speak). He feels that I am wanting to offload them on him at the weekends to get a bit of a greak myself (true).

I would like to know how you spend your weekends if you have 2 toddlers and it is just the 2 of you looking after them - no family/friends/babysitters etc.

Oh I really like tortoise's suggestion, I might nick that one...

I'd say arrange to go away for at least one day (if not the whole weekend) by yourself so DH has the DC. I've always found this is the quickest route to a bit of empathy. He may do loads with them or not, but he will be exhausted and will see things a bit differently.

We don't get much done at weekends, we aim to get out once together (local park if nothing else) and DH often takes them out once or I might go out by myself, just for my own sanity. It does get easier as they get older, but also as you fine-tune your co-parenting.

I don't think you sound lazy at all - god - I'd never attempt swimming on my own with 2. We only go with OH.
That book you've just read sounds interesting. Obviously, books aren't for everyone but I've just read Playful Parenting and that's really helped me, am no longer as 'shouty' as I was becoming. I've been trying to do some of ideas in the book. My older one 3.8 has responded amazingly well to many of the suggestions and it's making a big difference in our house. Good for stopping the squabbling too - of which there is alot in my house!

Its a tough time!! I have 3 and there is only 16mths between the eldest two. Both of us work and opposite hours to each other so at least DH knew things werent always as easy as they seem! but we used to have huge tug of war at the weekends over who got free time etc. What we settled on was both had time off on saturdays or alternate saturdays and sundays were family days. We found it easier to have friends or family come over during nap times and let us out for coffee or lunch together than it was to babysit at night.

I would def take a leaf out of tortoise book!!

I like Tortoise's idea a lot

Your DH is being silly. You can't lock them in a closet and pretend it's just the two of you lovebirds still, without a care in the world, spontaneous as all get out. Time has now got to be managed and there has to be compromise, the setting aside of resentment and the resisting of temptation to snip and be peevish -- beware of this building up as it can be very destructive. exH was the master of the selfish attitude and cutting remark. Now he is exH. At least yours is reading the book and seems willing.

The only way to have guaranteed time to yourselves is for each of you to do it separately for about 2 hours on the weekend or even on a weeknight, with the other taking the toddlers peacefully and enthusiastically for that entire time. It's no good if you come home and find the house looking like a bear garden after he has fed them dinner and bathed them, and vice versa for him coming back to chaos or a crisis.

It's true you really can't take them swimming together -- maybe you could enroll them in swimming at the weekends and each of you take one into the water. It would be very obvious to him that no single person could possibly manage two at a time, and pools also tend to have rules about adult:child ratios.

You need to find some amenities that are toddler friendly in the area though, even if they are just nice parks or hills the DCs can roll down. Look up toddler activities or places toddlers like in your area on the internet.

Or you could think about finding a teenager to babysit once a month while you go out for a meal or even just a long walk together. Are there babysitters around?

It's very hard to be on your own with small children away from family and friends -- I did it and don't recommend it at all even though I lived in a very child-friendly and walkable place where English was spoken. It makes such a difference to have even one relative nearby who can share the load with you. I really missed that.

Did he actually use the word "offload"? That'd piss me right off - he's their dad FFS!

They are hard work and he is unrealistic. However you could advertise for a babysitter-there is no reason not to get out on your own occasionally.

When ours were little we treated most weekends in quite a structured way. We divide each day into 3 sections- morning, afternoon and evening and made sure that dp and I each got one of this sections COMPLEtELY child free each weekend. It sounds a bit calculated, but it works.

Oh, and if he really used the term "offload" then I think you need to deal with his attitude to fatherhood before you start thinking about babysitters.

Why is he expecting you to change it, as if it is your problem? He is an equal parent-he could sort babysitters-or find a solution.