Havibg you ever really RELISHED telling someone how BRIGHT and BRILLIANT your offspring is

[Eaney]

I have!!! When I went back to work after having DS some people actually said to me that my DS would be disadvantaged or others more subtly said that so and so's child was terribly disadvanaged cos their parents both worked.

Well DS was slow to crawl and walk and there they had there ammunition and I would get pointed questions about his walking/crawling. Somehow they missed the fact that he said his first words at about 8mths old.

I knew he was bright and knew I just had to wait patiently and eventually his light would shine. I now love telling certain people about his prowess. God I am sad I know but I do get satisfaction.

ANyine else have a story?

Message withdrawn

SIL has the tendency to say how outstanding her kids are at every opportunity. It doesn't endear her to me

I can see why you do it Eaney, but generally I think it is bad form

I agree with Socci.

Just a quick comment- there appears to be an opinion on mumsnet that children with SN in mainstream get adequate support whilst those who are g and t get ignored. Very, very few children with SN get adequate support in mainstream. Some schools are good at providing aid for say dyslexia, but anything more complicated forget it. That is why schools have to focus on SN, not because they are uninterested in G and T, but because they are struggling to meet the needs of the children with SN (where not meeting the needs will mean exclusion/ no education).

It is alo far easier for parents to provide the extra support necessary for children who are gand t than it is for parents to fill in the gaps with `SN. In the city I live in there are some very poor areas and the council g and t programme focuses on children in those areas- even though academically they may be less able than children who are identified as g and t in middle class areas. They do that because putting money into children who are academically able in poor areas will make more difference. It also gives children who may have troublesome backgrounds chances they wouldn't otherwise have (whereas in other parts of the city able children will have those sorts of opportunities provided by parents)

Totally agree socci. If people implied my girls were slow or underachieving I would tell them to bog off, then not talk to them any more. (unless it was their teacher of course).

Surely there's a huge difference between telling your kids they're wonderful and talented (as we all should do) and telling other people for no reason whatsoever?

You could be telling someone who's recently discovered that that their child has a developmental problem or more likely someone who's now going to see you as pushy and crass.

I agree with expat, it's tacky. Of course I want DS to be bright but much more than that I want him to be kind,considerate and respectful. I'd have no problem saying in the right context something like,'I'm so pleased DS has finally learned to say thank you.'

well I think that dd1 (3 yrs) is bright and clever, she can spot her name amongst all the others card names at playgroup when all the other children stand around shuffling. And her vocab is amazing.

But dd2 can't crawl and she is nearly 16 months.

x

Isn't been tacky and stupidly proud of your children, thinking they're both the brightest and best looking children in the world and telling everyone that, all part of being a parent?

Eaney, I'd stand up and say "I'm sad and I'm proud!"

Very true, I'mdreadingan...

DS1 falls in both categories and I have to say I'm a bit more worried about his ASD than his G&T!

I think you run the risk of looking like you have something to prove. Either that or a big chip on your shoulder.

I have no experience of having children with SN and even less of G and T () but I know which children I'd want to get more support at school. I think that was a good post Imdreadingetc.

I do secretly think to myself how fab my children are, but I would try not to say it. I expect I slip up sometimes, but I don't think it's a great idea. I can see why you've been drived to it though, Eaney.

I think my behaviour is in response to years of listening to the 'tacky' comments made by family members about their own children or grandchildren. one of the reasons I think my DS was largely ignored by his grandparents was because DP and I were rather shy at commenting on our ds's achievements.

It is only recently I have commented on DS's abilities and probably only a couple of times but I must admit to having enjoyed it. Two years running his birthday was completely forgotten by DP's family such is the extent of their disinterest in him. I worry as he gets older it will really bother DS. I agree it is best to have nothing to do with people you think don't have your or your child's interests at heart but it is hard to do when it is family.
Anyway thanks for letting me rant I don't know why it's bothered me today as it has been going on for years.

Poor you. I can completely see how you must feel driven to respond.

Also it makes me reluctant to ask for help about problems that DS does have. I have no family here so it would be great to talk to someone from time to time about DS's problems. Like I said in another post DS has problems with using the toilet when he needs to and has major problems with eating. Probably why I use MN.

Well exactly dino. "true" g and t do it themselves anyway. I know someone who was publishing papers at 14. Went to a large comprehensive, no g and t programme. Educated himself (and went to a club related to his interests).

I can see the point of identifying academically able children in areas of extreme deprivation and providing support there (although here that support tends to be provided out of school- part of the aim is to introduce the children to others like them in different schools- and therefore cut down on the impact of bullying and isolation etc). These children aren't geniuses (well some may be - but its not a requirement)- just academically able but at risk of going off the rails.

Eany rise above it. Just stifle a mental yawn- and avoid seeing them! People like that never really listen to what you have to say anyway.

You are right off course Imdread...

Will try.

There is nothing wrong with being pround of your children and I love nothing more than discussing this with DP or my mum and dad (they tend to enjoy it as much as I do) however I don't see the point with other people, I don't expect them to care and I don't really care about the capabilities of their children.

I am also surprised about how many people seem to constantly tell their own children how fantastic they are...give praise where it is due and all that, but doesn't too much make one a little conceited?

There is nothing wrong with being pround of your children and I love nothing more than discussing this with DP or my mum and dad (they tend to enjoy it as much as I do) however I don't see the point with other people, I don't expect them to care and I don't really care about the capabilities of their children.

I am also surprised about how many people seem to constantly tell their own children how fantastic they are...give praise where it is due and all that, but doesn't too much make one a little conceited?

better a little conceited than low self esteem imo.

I don't think praising you children when they deserve it would result in low self esteem.

I tell them I love them regardless of the need for praise, this probably contributes to self esteem far more.

I don't know cardy - I experienced a distinct lack of praise when a child. I think it matters

Agree totally with homemama's post.

I don't wish to start a row here, but I'm a bit cheesed off about the G+T parent applying for a statemnt. Can someone explain this to me? My DS has autism and he has been refused one.

Flanders- I suspect its a case of the G and T parent not really understanding the reality of statementing or resources etc.

I've been mulling over this. I think the stuff that our LEA does with the children identified as g and t in the very socialy deprived parts of the city to be excellent (these are children who may well be average elsewhere- but our city has some of the most deprived areas in the UK- basically they identify them and run some clubs on occasional Saturdays starting young). I really do see whay they do it and I think it makes sense.

If there was money rolling around in general though to provide say after school stuff I personally believe it should be spent on ensuring that there were after school clubs that children with SN could access. Currently there is nothing in the city that my son can access out of school hours, and the same is true of children with SN far less complex than him.

Stretching children who are g and t shouldn't cost that much- unfortunately schools are constrained by the national curriculum and the need to get children through GCSE's (which although perhaps not massively stretching for the most able still require lots of hoops to get through and therefore lots of time). Sustaining an interest outside school is failry easy, although of course it can be frustrating for a child to be bored in school. I suepct thats a problem of the exam system more than anything though.

IDAAX - Thanks, I've been seething thinking about that.

I can see the potential for a G+T from an under-privileged area to go off the rails or suffer social isolation/bullying, and while I know it's important to protect them I can't see the justification if SN kids aren't getting what they need first. We're in a deprived area too and I feel that my son is far more at risk of having no future than a G+T.