he will only sleep on my shoulder during the day...is this the clingy phase

[mum2sam]

My 15mth ds has atarted to refuse to go to sleep in his cot during the cot and just seems to want to sleep on my shoulder. Ive tried to rock him to sleep and then put him in his cot but he always wakes up and then becomes hysterical.

Have you tried rocking him back and forth in the pram? My dd stopped sleeping in the cot for her nap at around 15/16 months and the childminder started doing this, so that is what I do now. The childminder does it in front of the TV but I put the pram in her bedroom in the dark with one of her teddies - it takes about 5/10 minutes.

how long does he become hysterical for

have you tried just leaving him to it for ten minutes or so ?

he's a little old to be held to go to sleep and I would avoid it if possible

you could put him in his buggy for a few days and take him for a walk to sleep and see if you can then put him down in his cot

Lie next to him on a bed... does not have to be your if you don´t want to build up the association.

OUr dd has never used a cot... was on her own futon from 6 months of age. Its worked great for us.

Give him alot of in arms time before putting to bed which could help... he may be craving your attention. Also if the room is very dark he may be getting freaked out. Just some thoughts.

Slings are very good for bonding time.

I actually don't see much difference between cuddling to sleep and lying next to him to sleep TBH .. I think they both provide a crutch and habit that you really don't want to be doing for the next year or so

(sorry Papillon )

No worries twiglett - I have not found it a crutch actually and dd now can be kissed goodnight and I leave the room. Likewise during the day.. It is about building up security imho.

Also whilst major babies experts promote routine, I follow a diversity is bliss and be open to all emotional expressions type attitude in the Paps household.

Its all stages they go through and they are emotional beings and I would rather give them love reactions. Its my personal thang.

Oh to live outside the square

Where is your Xmas name btw!?? I am trying to make up mine... but failing thus far !

but if your want a baby experts opinion - one that I quite like... here is Dr,Sears

www.askdrsears.com

lots of info about sleep etc

mine is curmudgeonlett ... I trott it out when I'm feeling especially bah-humbug

I shall think of a name for you whilst I do the school drop-off (but as I'm coming back with more kids than I leave there I might not be able to post till much later)

ShallIplayForHimPaPaPaPapillon

check out the spirit board Twiglett.. the do you believe in Santa thread.. I want a Shaman Xmas Name. But that one is interesting.. come to The Yurt and tell me more about it so we don´t hjack this one.

Difficult aren´t I

cuse us mun2sam!!!

... tis scary over there with them hippies and bohemian types with their crystals and home-knitted muesli

IMHO Twiglett is right and I speak from experience! DS1 was a major league clinger. He would not sleep unless I cuddled him to sleep and he'd hold on to my hair which acted like a kind of trip wire so he always knew if I tried to escape. Most nights went kind of like this:
DS gets tired
Take to bed
Lay down with DS - usually took about an hour to get him to sleep.
Me try to get off the bed - DS wakes up crying
Get back on bed - repeat 4 or 5 times.
Eventually, he's exhausted. I slide off the bed as stealthily as a cat, crawl to the door and escape!!!!!! Freedom. The whole thing used to take between 3-4 hours a night. We made a serious rod for our back and spent about a year and a half trying to break it!! Please don't get the kids used to needing you to fall asleep, it doesn't benefit them or you and if they know they can do this to you they'll hold you hostage as long as they can!! They are devious and manipulative!! It's so easy to do it, they need their sleep and as their loving mummy you want what's best for them but I can say hand on heart that IMHO letting them use you as a 'sleep crutch' is definately not the best thing for them.

DS2 has rarely had the pleasure of falling asleep on me (only if he's really zonked and asleep before his bed time) and if I say to him are you ready for bed he goes to the foot of the stairs, I carry him up, a quick kiss and cuddle, put in the cot and I'm outta there!! He doesn't need me to sleep because I've never given him the opportunity to become dependent on it.

Think very carefully, please for your own sanity...

Well ive just felt his gums and he seems to have 3 new teeth coming through which could be causing the problems. On top of this dh has started to work away during the wk so maybe thats made him feel insecure. He def wont sleep in his cot and when i refused to allow him to sleep on me he ended up falling asleep in his highchair as he was so exhausted.Ive tried lying nxt to him but he wants to wrap around me anyway ive tried twice now sucessfully placing him on the settee onto a pillow which he wraps himself around.Do u think it might just be that he wants company?

You need to break this habit and quickly. He is too old for you to be letting him fall asleep on you. Have you tried controlled crying? How long do you actually leave him to cry for before you go into him?
I don't mean to be nasty, but he has learnt this behaviour from you. I made a rod for my own back with ds and he only started to fall asleep on his own at 4, when I had dd and he had no choice!
Dd has always, from birth, been put in her cot awake and fallen asleep on her own. It makes life so much easier and happier for me and for her. You are really not doing him any favours, as, as you said, he is exhausted. He needs his sleep.
When you say, do you think he wants company, of course he does, because he has come to expect it!

Meant to add - you need to put him in the cot awake! If you do it while he's asleep, then when he wakes up, he will obviously not settle, as you will no longer be there.
Where and how does he sleep at night?