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Parenting

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Original poster

Worst summer holiday ever

33 replies

LittleBoSqueak · 15/08/2011 16:41

I have a yr2 and yr7.

The yr2 is swearing, destroying property, biting wooden blinds, cutting chairs etc.

The yr7 is refusing to do as she is told e.g going to bed at midnight, stealing food, kicking holes in doors, refusing to do anything asked of her.

We should be on our holiday this week but I cancelled it because their behaviour has been so shocking. Lost the deposit obviously. Ebayed tickets to the theatre I had bought.

When we have been out to the cinema, park and restaurants they have acted like they are feral.

I have stopped taking them out and we are just staying in day after day. There behaviour is still awful. Constant shouting, swearing, door slamming, throwing things etc.

I am at the end of my tether. Timeouts, marbles in jars- nothing works.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

zookeeper · 15/08/2011 19:55

I sympathise - I'm a single parent and the holidays can seem endless.

where's their dad? Can he offer some help? Is he taking you to court for contact with them?

Original poster

LittleBoSqueak · 15/08/2011 19:58

Their dad takes me to court for all sorts of pathetic reasons.

OP posts:

zookeeper · 15/08/2011 20:00

my ex did too; it's very stressful.

does he have any contact with them? You sound as though you need the break - could he help?

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Original poster

LittleBoSqueak · 15/08/2011 20:07

No contact. Even indirect contact makes there behaviour worse.

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DollyTwat · 15/08/2011 20:18

I sympathize with you I really do, and I wish I could offer some magic cure for you. If I knew it I'd be using it myself.
My eldest is (thankfully) calming down a bit now he's 9 but I get a lot of chat back and some really hurtful comments sometimes.
Youngest is 6 and seems to be completely in his own world and impossible to get through to, winding me up in purpose.

We are going to France tomorrow and I already wish I'd never booked it. But I also have realized that unless I take then places we'll never go anywhere and they'll never learn how to behave.

I've got some great reward charts if you want them, I basically said they could earn up to £10 a week but made it quite hard to achieve. It did work for about 3 weeks and I ran out of steam and they got a bit complacent. But it might give you something to focus on whilst you wait for school to start. I also send them to holiday clubs for at least 2 weeks of the holiday as I couldn't cope with 6 weeks of just me and them.

Original poster

LittleBoSqueak · 15/08/2011 20:27

Thankyou so much for the replies so far- will be back in the morning.

OP posts:

negrilbaby · 16/08/2011 21:12

Have you tried Gingerbread
They have a freephone helpline and I'm sure they would be able to offer some practical advice and possible solutions.

Zipitydooda · 17/08/2011 21:02

I have every sympathy for you, we just left our holiday a day early as DH and I were fed up with our boys' behaviour and complete lack of care about consequences despite the fact that they were doing fab, fun stuff everyday; AND with 2 adults supporting each other (in our case I think new baby has had an impact on behaviour of the other 2).

I do think you sound depressed, having been there, I know how it's impossible to think your way out of it and see that things can be brighter, it's like a negative, blackhole. I felt like I was in a bubble apart from the rest of the people in the World, my friends, everyone who could help. ADs WILL help to bring you out of that place to a point where you see things differently without realising and feel more able to handle challenges and stress. If you had diabetes and needed medication for that, you surely wouldn't think a court could hold that against you? So how could ADs been held against you in court, it's to help an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, yes made worse by environment factors but then so is diabetes and many illnesses.

If you can manage to do it, how about drawing up an agreement with promises of rewards when your children do certain things e.g. if they get dressed, teeth brushed wth no fuss; you all go to park. If they wash their hands before every meal with no fuss, you take them out for a meal. If they behave in the park then you will take them to a fair/ice skating. Moving on to better rewards for longer periods of good behaviour. Sit down with them and get their buy-in on the rewards, take their suggestions of alternative rewards and all sign it. See if that helps.

Also can you arrage playdates for 1 child at a time giving you 1:1 time with the other one, this will lessen sibling rivalry for your attention, also they are quite different ages and you can just focus on the interests of the child with you.

You CAN get there, it just really sounds like you would benefit from some anti-depressents. I really hope things improve for you.

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