Leaving ds

[notevenclosetoreadyforxmas]

ds is 14months old and I have left him for up to 3 hours at preschool 3 times a week or with his gran so far. I am going through a bit of a rough patch with him again at the moment, both of us are bored and need some space. I have thought about increasing his hours at preschool but is this selfish, Im a stay at home mum and I feel like I should just be able to snap out of this phase and take care of him myself. I have gone as far as asking preschool if he can stay another hour but am partly tempted to put him in from 9-3 on one of his days, is this unfair on him, feeling kind of crap about things. Please advise.

What does the rough patch consist of?

What do you both do when you are together?

What do you do when you are apart?

notquiteready,
my children spent longer in nursery at this age, but I had no choice (work). I dont think he will suffer from the care, but it does sound as though you have some problems yourself (not meaning to be critical here).
Why do you think you feel like this? could it be post-natal depression?
I find it hard to believe that a 14 month old would need space from his mum!

Message deleted

I am pretty sure I am not depressed but I am a bit run down. When I say we need space from each other, he seems to cope with his day better when I am not there, at preschool and with his dad he is less demanding and clingy than with me which I guess is natural. During the day we generally do something like this:
Breakfast and dressed
Breastfeed
Play together with toys/books
Morning Tea
Sleep for him
Lunch
Play together inside or outside or go for a walk
Afternoon Tea
Stories and heaps of distraction
Dinner
Breastfeed
Bath, teeth, stories
Bed
During the periods where we play I try to vary his activities, toys, stories, playing with a ball, playing with the dog, pot and pan cupboard, songs, tupperware containers, water in a small pool outside if it is hot, swing or sandpit outside, messy activities like painting, soap flakes etc we do occcasionally. Mostly he is uninterested or interested for very short periods of time before he starts clinging to me and throwing or pushing the activities away. I try to encourage some independent play while I am nearby but this is very rarely successful, literally all he wants is to be carried around. I am out of ideas, I am really patient with him and when I do set limits to the clingyness I stick to it eg: "I need make some lunch for us to eat and I cant carry you while I do that. You can stay in the kitchen with me and here are some things to play with but Im not picking you up until I have finished." He usually is plastered to the back of my legs crying during this, I am plain old worn out and just wondered if preschool might give us both some time to chill out? but on the other hand I dont work so I dont HAVE to send him so feel I am being selfish and just need to upskill in order to meet his needs.

It seems you are cooped up together a LOT and also, if I may say so, really expecting far too much from a 14 month old. They have the attention spans of gnats and it is too much to expect them to be interested in activities for any length of time, no matter how lovingly you prepare them. And they ARE clingy and don't really play independently. And you sound really isolated too - just the two of you together all the time. It would make me feel frustrated and depressed too!
My suggestion is finding a lot of activities you can do TOGETHER. Toddlers LOVE to see other kids, and you will enjoy the adult company and escape from what can be a claustrophobic one on one situation - esp with your first. Try playgroups, mum and baby swimming, library toddler group and storytime, tea with other local mothers, one o'clock clubs. You need more social activities imo.

Also, if his grandma will have him, USE the time for YOURSELF. Get your hair done, see a friend for lunch, make sure you enjoy yourself and really have a break.

I'm a fan of whatever helps keep you sane, personally, and if it's an hour more of preschool, that sounds OK to me.

However you do sound as if you're feeling a bit stressed dealing with him which does need to be sorted out; agree with Aloha - do more "social" and outside the house stuff with him. If M & T really isn't your cup of tea/ baby swimming and library sessions are good - they are so structured that you don't have to worry about being "sociable" with the other mums. It is completely normal for toddlers to have the attention span of a gnat and be a complete clingon. If your DS is very cuddly, maybe he would like being in a sling (you can get surprisingly good cloth ones that will support whopping toddlers!!) whilst you do stuff in the house etc.

looks like your day is orientated around your DS - he is getting a lot of one-on-one attention. Not that that is ever a bad thing but when do you do your housework? when do you get out to the shops etc? How about giving him a damp cloth or a small brush and let him "clean" while you get your housework done, then use his naptime to read a little or watch tv or even nap yourself. You don't have to entertain him for all his waking hours - I can really see how tiring that must be for you. It is good for him to learn to entertain himself, and a valuable life-skill too.

Do his lunch when he is asleep and keep it really, really simple. Cheese/peanut butter/hummus sandwich, yoghurt and a bit of orange to chew on is absolutely fine.
You are trying too hard to be the perfect mother IMO. I remember feeling as if I had to entertain ds 24/7, but with dd, she just slots in and is as happy as Larry (Ds asked who he was the other day!)

So you are basically inside apart from maybe an hour each day - well that would drive me mad too.

Go out to the library and read books there.
Go to a cafe and watch the world go by.
Join some mum and toddler groups or start your own.

But most importantly buy a hip seat.

Personally I don't think he needs more stimulation - I think that you do.

Try netmums.co.uk for loads of things to do in your area. there will be swimming times for babies, storytime at the library, toddler groups. You need to get out or you will both be bored!

Try netmums.co.uk for loads of things to do in your area. there will be swimming times for babies, storytime at the library, toddler groups. You need to get out or you will both be bored!

Ds is 13m and the leg clinging is a bit of a feature in our house at the moment too. I would go with what the others have said. Try to get out every day, for whatever reason. He is old enough to start taking an interest in other kids now and you sound like you would benefit from meeting some other mums.

What about setting up a little box of toys in the corner of ther kitchen for him to play with while you are getting his lunch?

Please don't feed him peanut butter sandwiches as suggested as he is too young for them.

I would also try activities outside as suggested such as swimming, toddler groups etc

How are you feeling now?