Not AIBU but need advice

[imanastymummy]

Regular (pppp penguin, fruitshoots, mooncup, etc etc)

I know I am being unreasonable but figure this is where I am most likely to get a response.

Bit of background: 2 children (DS 4 & DD 3). I am really struggling with my son and feel crap about it. I do not know what to do. When he was born I suffered badly with PND and it was very easy to let him stay with my mum. Subsequently I truly feel we don't have a bond and I don't know how to fix it. He has very challenging behaviour which in turn makes it hard for me to bond with him.

I find that I have very little patience with him and tolerate a lot more from my daughter. She is much easier to be with and is very loving. Something is very wrong with our relationship and I do not know how to fix it. No discipline works with him and I am actually starting to fear what it is going to be like when he is a teenager. I want us to have a good relationship so that he will be able to come and talk to me. Today he tried to hit me when he was in time out :-(

I'm sorry this is waffly.. I just need some advice. How do you build a broken bond with someone that is (currently) difficult to like?

I'm not an expert so have no advice as such but remember that your DS is only four so there is a lot of time before he is a teenager, there is also a lot of time to build bonds with him.

Can you have some mum/son alone time, maybe if DD goes out for a few days can you try to do something special just the two of you?

I'm sure it'll get better. Do you still have any MH issues? anxiety or depression? could this be causing issues.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am slowly getting the chance to spend time alone with him. Due to circumstances (Mum's health) it was always easier for her to look after DS when DD was small. Now DD is bigger she is starting to spend the night there occasionally.

I do always start the day 'brand new', difficult when he has usually played up at bed time. DD is away tonight which was what made me start thinking. That and today we went for a walk, he made a wish ' I wish mummy was kind to me'. Broke my heart :-( I think I spend too much time disciplining him (for his challenging behaviour) and then we don't get any nice time together.

As for MH issues, can honestly say I'm in a good place now. Maybe that's why i finally see the damage that was done between us.

I know what you mean about feeling like you spend all your time disciplining. There are days when I really feel like I haven't smiled at DD all day. Do you think you might have got into a rut with DS - probably partly because of how things were after he was born? He feels it, and plays up so you're cross and find it difficult to love him. Maybe you could make a conscious change? That doesn't mean let disciplinary things slide, but perhaps make an effort to be sweet to him for a bit and see what happens? The change would have to come from you - he's too little to be that self-analytical about his behaviour.