Need help in setting rules and routines.

[NickRobinsonsloveslave]

Yes, I know I've made a rod for my own back by being far too laid back regarding parenting.

I give in too easily and basically let them get away with stuff in order for an easy life.

Of course, now, as they get older, I am finding this 'easy life' thing just does not work.

My DCs refuse to go to bed at proper bedtime
Are very picky eaters
do not listen when I ask them to do /stop doing something
Do not take care of their belongings as they think they are in charge.

I have let them get away with too much and now need to set routines, boundaries and rules. Have I left it too late though? Can I really change their attitude and behaviour?

Any tips or advice or book recommendations gratefully accepted.

How old are the children?

They are 9, 4 and 3.

Blimey. You will have to work with your 9-year old to establish negotiated boundaries - the two younger ones will quickly pick up that things have changed. Some suggestions:

Belongings that get broken don't get replaced unless it truly was an unavoidable accident. Teach them how to glue/tape stuff.
You will repeat a request to do/not do something three times - after that there are consequences. Loss of pocket money (for the older one), loss of a favourite DVD, cutdown TV time etc.
Bedtimes are strictly observed and likewise there are consequences.

HOWEVER you need to balance all this with some positive stuff too - reward charts, extra treats if they're good all day/ go to bed on time etc. Your three-year old is just about old enough to understand reward charts. Getting a sticker every time they do something on the first time of asking will be good because they'll see results very quickly.

On the picky eating front, you may have to let them go hungry for a while until they get the 'no alternative dinner' message! But teaching them to cook will help too. My two-year old sits on the side in the kitchen and loves to be involved - I'm sure it helps with her readiness to try new foods as she likes to have a nibble of whatever I'm cooking.

Thanks so much, Octavia. Some great advice there. Agree that the 9 yr old will have to be more involved in setting rules. But the younger ones, as you say should be able to copy.

It's the constant "No" I get atm which is driving me mad. Everything from getting dressed to getting in the bath to leaving the park is a constant argument.

I have tried bribery, cajoling, offerring a reward if they comply....nothing works.

I hate causing a scene in public, so tend to just go along with their wishes until we get home then I errupt.

You need to throw a hissy fit in public - cause a BIG scene and do your best to embarrass them then! They know they can get away with it if you're out. Non compliance is the hardest thing to deal with but it's the only weapon they've got - in particular your eldest. The youngest two are just copying, I would think.

A couple of books with a lot of ideas you may find helpful:

How To Talk...

and

Positive Discipline

Good luck!

Thanks. Have already tried the 1st book, will take a look at the 2nd.

2 books. toddler taming and beyond toddlerhood by christopher green - just fab