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Original poster

Should we take away her comfort toy?

46 replies

niamh29 · 11/08/2011 14:36

DD2 is 2 in September and sucks her thumb and has a toy lion that she loves, she holds his tag (which is now in tatters) and holds him close to her face while she is sucking her thumb, thing is in the last few months she has become very dependent on the lion and carries him everywhere and today her minders at her daycare said they felt she was too dependent on her teddy and they wanted to limit her use of it (today they took it away for a while and apparently got so upset she went for a sleep afterwards, which she's doesn't usually do)

I can understand that she does need to be able to be away from the teddy cause at the moment she can't be, but they seemed to be relating the teddy dependence to her social skills saying that she doesn't interact with the other kids, she interacts with other kids fine as far as I can see. I also don't see the harm in having the teddy sometimes, surely there are a lot of much older kids who need a teddy with them all the time?

I'm kind of torn on the whole thing, opinions please????

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BelleDameSansMerci · 11/08/2011 15:31

Agree with the comments re nursery, which must be quite upsetting to think about really.

StrandedBear · 11/08/2011 15:32

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Original poster

niamh29 · 11/08/2011 15:48

Ooopps I used the wrong word, I'm in ROI and we say Creche, forget ye say nursery. It's daycare in the US right?

It's actually a really nice place and DD loves it there, they don't want to get rid of teddy completely but I do think they are being a bit harsh about this. As I said I'm torn, I can see their point that she shouldn't "need" to have it with her 24/7 but at the same time she really love it and plays with it and talks to it. We even tried to get another the exact same cause it's looking a bit tatty but she's not having any of it!

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nethunsreject · 11/08/2011 15:50

Totally agree with all the posts saying tell the nursery to fuck right off.

Poor kids.

RitaMorgan · 11/08/2011 16:58

I work in early years, and while certainly with children over 2 we would encourage toys to be put in drawers or go in a special box most of the time/during messy activities, a child could still have it if they wanted to sit quietly or nap. We wouldn't tell the parents to get rid of it.

RitaMorgan · 11/08/2011 17:01

And I wouldn't just take the comforter away - more likely give a choice "you can't do baking with the teddy in your hand, either put him in your drawer while you bake or go and sit in the book corner with him"

SardineQueen · 11/08/2011 17:20

DD2 is starting nursery in September and has just turned 2. She has a variety of attachment objects - 4 of them but she doesn't have to have them all, all the time, she just likes to have 1 at any given time.One of them 1 is the dreaded dummy

When we went to look around nursery (my DD1 is already there) they said they would keep a box with these sort of things in for each child, and photos of the family, and give them to them if they wanted or needed them. I thought this was fine TBH.

Anyway my mum has been banging on about the dummy since DD2 was about 6 weeks old, and it was a pain in the neck for us as she would wake and cry if she lost it at night, and all the rest of it. So after she turned two we ditched the dummy. She asked for a day or two and then stopped, didn't seem very perturbed. We just said they were lost. So that was that. I'd been dreading it TBH and it was fine.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe if the nursery handle this appropriately (ie in a nice way) it won't be the end of the world? Of course I don't know your child though.

Incidentally I'm not sure how you stop them getting attached to toys. They can form attachments to anything, and constantly taking away toys as soon as they looked like they might be getting attached would be horrible. Also DD1 has never had any attachement toys - no dummy, nothing. Not even a certain bear at bedtime. Dd2, as I say, had 4. Down to the child I reckon, whether they do this or not, not the parents "letting" it happen.

stealthsquiggle · 11/08/2011 17:30

Rita - that's exactly how DD's nursery handled it - and after a session or 2 in the book corner, DD decided that was boring, and animal of choice got sent to sit wherever it had been told to go - but, crucially, that was DD's decision, not something that was forced on her.

Nursery actually said (and I believe them) they they would miss both DD and her favourite animal (who is, I have to say, very characterful) when they left. Said animal now goes to school, and has been left behind overnight more than once - we came in one morning to find him helping the TA with registration and sorting out work books (and he was in charge of the 'phone as well) - now that is the sort of thing which makes me really warm to early years professionals

donteatyourteawithnoknickerson · 11/08/2011 17:52

Interesting thread - my DD1 is 7 and still has her "pink bunny" - has done since birth. It's also very closely linked to thumb sucking as most people have said too (that seems to be a recurrent theme?). But I wouldn't dream of taking it away; she swears she will still have bunny at college and I don't for a minute doubt it :).

We do limit it now but only because she is so much older. She sleeps with it every night and wants it if she's upset or relaxing, and has a mental when I wash it (because she loves the smell).

DD2 is almost 6 and still has leopardy. Similar thing, but not quite so attached (just a bedtime thing).

So my overwhelming answer is no, don't take it off her, she's so young!!

Moanna · 11/08/2011 18:00

We're in R.O.I too, DS started pre-school last year with his comforter and while they do put it on the shelf during messy play, there was never any problem with it or suggestion to get rid of it. He gradually grew less and less attached to it. Although if he ever needs any comfort or reassurance he still reaches for it.

He's starting his second year of pre-school this year (very young July baby) and while he's a lot more confident, I'm sure his puppy will be going on the first day.

He's just turned four, so not even two is far too young IMO.

Moanna · 11/08/2011 18:02

Sorry, meant to say DS doesn't suck his thumb. DD2 (2) also has her "tea towel" (a cot blanket/bumper cut into smaller pieces of the same pattern) and she isn't a thumb sucker either.

sittinginthesun · 11/08/2011 18:35

Both my boys have comforters, which nursery were quite happy to encourage, as it helps hugely with separation anxiety. I think our concern was that they would get lost, but nursery were always very good about keeping them to one side for naps, or if the child was upset.

When DS2 moved to the preschool room (at 3 years), I started to put the toy in his nursery bag, but nursery knew it was there if he needed it. We are preparing for Reception now, and the toy is left at home, on a chair near the front door.

Between the ages of 2 and 3, both boys took their toys EVERYWHERE! We have lovely photos of lots of holidays with the toys:)

(Oh, and the 7 year old still sleeps with his and plays monopoly with him).

wompoopigeon · 11/08/2011 18:49

My DD had a teddy in her left hand for the entire first year at nursery. Nursery staff understood completely how important it was to her as a transitional object, she was always a shy child and found it difficult to settle and teddy gave her great great comfort. Gradually teddy spent more and more time watching from the sidelines and eventually moving to live in her bag all day (at the age of three). The important thing is that she was in charge of this move. Ripping teddy off her at age one would have devastated her and I am shocked that your nursery staff suggest it.

Original poster

niamh29 · 11/08/2011 20:31

Ooooppps called it the wrong thing, I'm in ROI and we call it Creche, daycare is US right?

The place she is in is grand and she loves it there, they said they're not going to take it off her but seem keen for her to be rid of it. I'm going to tell the Creche that we are encouraging her to do things without her lion but we aren't going to force her and we don't think they should either and I'll tell them that they certainly shouldn't let her get upset about it!

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niamh29 · 11/08/2011 20:36

What actually annoyed me more was they seemed to be associating her carrying her teddy around and sucking her thumb with her not socialising properly! I really had a problem with that!

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cookielove · 11/08/2011 20:46

I also work in childcare, in a private day nursery, and up until very recently in the 2-3's room, we actually had 3 children that brought in specific comfort toys into nursery. When they first moved into the room they had said toys throughout the day, the only limits (toy went on shelf or in their draws) being at meal times, in the toilet and in the garden, and as rita said when doing messy activities they could choose to participate without the toy or choose something else to do.

This works really well in the room, as the children progressed in the rooms, the children often were asked to put the toys away when we tidy up in the morning, or before if they were fine without it. If the children were hurt the toys would often re appear but then put back away when they had calmed down. The children were fine with this, as were the parents.

wompoopigeon · 11/08/2011 21:19

I think they are fundamentally misguided in believing that if she didn't carry her teddy around she'd be socialising more. The other arguments I can understand eg. teddy gets dirty. But teddy stops you making friends? How?

She's not yet two. Not yet two! I know adults who comfort themselves eg. sucking pens, cigarettes, twiddling hair, lucky necklace etc. and they are in their forties.

BestNameEver · 11/08/2011 23:54

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happygilmore · 12/08/2011 10:43

The nursery sounds like they need to do some research on child development.

My DD has a bunny (well two as I bought a spare, dread the thought of losing it) which she loves more than us I think! Giving her the bunny was one of the best things I think we've done so far, we had to take the dummy away when she was only about 8 or 9 months as she waking every 15 mins for it, so I hugged the comforter for a while and gave it to her.

She absolutely loves her bunny, mainly has it for sleep - but crucially when she wakes in the night she just finds her bunny and it gets her back off on her own. When she's very upset, if we get bunny from her cot it calms her straight down, and we've only just found it's pretty much the only thing that can get her through a long car journey. She's 14 months btw.

I think it's amazing to see a baby form an attachment to something and get great comfort from it. Taking that away is just cruel.

PeopleCallMeTricky · 12/08/2011 22:15

Children don't really play together at that age anyway do they?
Do the nursery actually know much about children?

biffandchip · 12/08/2011 23:20

DS1 (10 this year) has 'ted' who comes everywhere and is part of the family, as does ds3 who has a companion that I often have to take to school so he can have a quick cuddle when he gets out of school then I have to hide it back in my pocket. They often join us for meals, get strapped into car seats, get asked for opinions on some subjects - sometimes speaking in the third person means you get far more info out of your child. I often think of Toy Story 3 and would hate for Ted and any other toys to be sidelined. Sentimental? Moi?

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