"Bonding activities" for me & my girl

[Emsiewill]

My nearly-5 yr old dd finds it very hard to manage her anger - as I've discussed before on mumsnet. I'm trying to think of other ways to deal with her than just shouting/punishing, as that seems so futile sometimes (although v. necessary at others). Anyway, one idea I've come up with is to find some activity/hobby that she & I can do together - just the 2 of us. It would have to be outside the home, so her sister wouldn't "muscle in" on "her" time, and preferably something indoors, so we can do it all year round. So far so good, but that's where I'm stuck - we do do things like go to town shopping, go to the cinema together, but I'm looking for something that will get some communication going that isn't just me telling her off, and that we can both get something out of. I know you lot are full of helpful ideas, so I'm looking to you for inspiration. Help!

Learning to swim would be an absolute belter, because she will have to put her complete trust in you for quite a sustained period of time, which would build a strong relationship with you. If you're not particularly confident in the water this might backfire, but if you go to a club, explain the situation about your level, I'm sure they'd give you a helping hand. Good luck!

Hi Emsiewill, I know this sounds pretty obvious so I don't know whether you've tried it before, but how about going swimming or ice skating once a week? It's better if there's a 'leisure pool' nearby then you can just splash around like nutters rather than 'proper' swimming! As for ice skating I remember my Mum used to take me when I was about 4 or 5, and we were both as bad as each other at it- which makes it all the more funny!
Good luck and I think it's an inspiring idea you've had, I hope I'll be able to take 'time out' with my little one when she's older to help keep us bonded...

Posted at the same time there Kia! Ah well, great minds and all...!

How about a dancing class. I dont know if they do classes that you can do together, worth a look.

Great idea, Emsiewill. For non-sporty indoor activites, how about a weekly visit to the library, perhaps to include a story-reading event - some libraries have regular sessions. And, if the talking/bonding bit is difficult in a quiet library setting, follow it up with a visit to a nearby cafe to talk about the books, etc etc.

Also, is it possible to have staggered bedtimes? I try to give my oldest son (aged 7) a big dollop of bonding time after the youngest is in bed. He knows this is 'his' time and it's when we tend to chat over things.

Hi Emsiewell I sympathise with the issue of bonding with dd, I always seem to have the volume up! We both have a bit of a temper.. I have a short fuse and she just winds me up sometimes and she doesn't know when to stop at which point I screech Thats it Ive had it up to here with you... which ends in tears and mummy doesn't love me anymore etc. I also have the problem of being the worker while dh is the househusband, so time at the weekend togther is important. I would also vote for the swimming, leisure pool type thing, a good "Sunday afternoon" activity. Find a smaller pool though otherwise you get stressed with screeching Don't run/Wait for me/mind the little ones etc etc. We also visit the library on a Saturday, as has been mentioned by Tigermoth. Sometimes we choose a video - as well as the books - then on the way home buy some popcorn, then set up the living room as a "cinema" ie pull the curtains !! and send Dad off to do something else (ironing anyone mm well maybe thats a bit of a fantasy). Your other daughter could enjoy the film too.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions - I like them all, and especially the idea of us trying to learn to dance together LOL (2 fairy elephants, as my mum used to say) - but they always say that laughing together is good for a relationship. The swimming / library ideas are good, but we already do them both as a family activity on a Saturday morning. However, now the older one is at school, maybe I could do one of them with her at the weekend, and do one during the week with the younger one. I don't want to push dh out, though! (or give him an excuse to skive off!). Our library has a lovely museum/art gallery attached, I've been considering some sort of "project" (v simple, obviously), about local history. That would only work if she was enthusiastic, though. Ice skating is also a good one - don't know where the nearest rink is, but I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to find out.
Thanks everyone for your ideas, keep them coming .
Madmaz - your relationship with your dd sounds exactly like my relationship with mine. Sometimes the shouting never seems to stop!

Have you thought about pottery? Pounding and moulding clay can be v. stress busting if kids (or adults) are feeling angry and it gives lots of scope for chatting together while you make your sculptures or pots. Also you get lots of nice things to keep. I'm not sure how expensive it'd be though.

Another thought, some communtiy centres/evening class institutes etc offer one-day Saturday art and craft workshops for adults and children. In our area there are usually some at this time of the year with a christmas theme. The age limit for children may naturally prohibit your youngest offspring from taking part, so that could put paid to feelings of being left out.

And going on from Okapi's pottery idea - is there a paint-your-own-pottery cafe anywhere near you?

Or what about an adults and kids cookery course or one-day workshop? Fun and you are not messing up your own kitchen.