DD is acting like a spoilt brat!!

[debsey]

My DD is 8.5yrs and every day we have to have a battle of one description or another. She can be really rude towards me and we have arguements daily. I've not spoilt her and yet if we are not doing something which she wants to do then we all have to suffer. She moans, complains, argues and then it becomes an arguement because I can't let her talk to us like that and get away with it (not that punishing her seems to help!). She says I don't love or care for her but I'm always telling her I love her, praising her efforts at school and encouraging her in everything.:( She wont help around the house, is constantly asking what are we going to do. At school she behaves well and is liked by the teachers. Her school report said she needs to start believing in her abilities. I just wish she realised there are other people in this family and it's not all about her. It makes days out and even days at home miserable because unless it's something she's chosen to do she's grumpy. I try to have 1-1 time where we go girly shopping perhaps or do nails and things but it doesn't help. I'm at a loss as to how to repair our relationship.

bumping this for you after a shitty day myself

That sounds really awful Op. 1 thing that stood out to me was yr sentence, sorry, can't c& p, along lines she moan, complains, argues, then it becomes an argument....' sounds like she's talking in a really negative way and you understandaly are getting drawn in and, well too much talking. Maybe have a chat and explain this behaviour is not on, it's negative and causes ill feeling all round and affects everyone and it has to stop. Then next time, After the moan, maybe try warning her, and if she continues she has to stop and or leave the room.

I got 1-2-3 Magic and i really loved this book. I recommend it. 1 thing that really struch me is the author saying we as paernts ( and possibly us women?) just talk too much, explaining, cjoling, responding to bad behaviour. And most of the time its too much, not necessary and even counter productive, as you've described, getting into arguments. Try breaking that cycle.

The 'you don't love me thing' sounds more like manipulation and trying emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty so you'll give in to her, rather than some genuine belief. I wouldn't stand for that either or respond to it.

Good luck. I'm having ( different ) fun and games with my 12 yr old, sil is having a nightmare with her 4 yr old. Kids, eh.

Someone once told me that you will always love your childrent but you don't have to like them! So true. Can you try ignoring when when she whines and explain that you will listen to her when she can discuss calmly. Hard to do but it can work. Even now my 17 year old DS1 can be an oik but now knows (finally) that I can't be bothered arguing with him and will not accept being spoken to like I'm dirt and will only discuss things with him when he can be rational. It took me a long time to work this out. Also, if you can, record her throwing a wobbly, play it back and see her reaction!