My Poor Dh!

[Gem754]

My Poor Dh is getting disheartened because everytime he holds our 9 week old Dd she starts crying and he hasn't found anyway of comforting her. After 15mins or so of trying he gives her back to me, and is even more frustrated to see her settle very quickly.

I am the main carer as he works full time and have suggested this may be the reason. Has anyone else had this problem? Does anyine have any suggestions?

Ds3 was like this when he was very small but not anymore - he's 15 months now. Still more of a mummy's boy but deffo runs to his Dad too, especially when he gets in from work.

Thanks Gobbledigook. At least I can tell him this stage won't last forever.

Has he tried holding her when she is contented? Also, try cradling her on his chest while he is lying down or slumped back on the sofa.

If it's because she's not used to him, try takin of your shirt and putting it on his chest before he holds her, so that she will be able to smell your shirt while he holds her.

Does he bath her, or do anything routine with her?

She is contented when I give her to him. I will suggest the shirt thing though as leaving it in her crib was the only way I got her to settle there. He doesn't do anything routien with her, although have suggested he does the bedtime routien from now on.

Thanks PC

DD was a bit like that too - I second the holding her lots when she isn't crying... DD loved daddy cuddles when she was happy, and would just curl up on his chest and sleep.

Again, you can assure him it doesn't last forever from this end too... he now comes home from work, and DD won't leave him alone til bedtime

Mens voices (the tone, pitch and volume of them) can be unsettling for a newborn. My ds used to physically jump when dh spoke sometimes. DD was never bothered though..

Both adore dad now

Does he sit down with her rather than stand? As we all come to know, babies (well the ones i know) like it only when people stand and i have known dads take baby, sit down, baby howls and they wonder why!!
Otherwise def. get him to do some one to one time with her! (while you go out)

Can he not do something with her such as give her a feed, or give her a bath? Perhaps read a book to her (never too early!). If he makes a routine of doing something with her, then she should come round!

Thanks FS & HMC, Will let DH know.My Dh is rather loud. {wink}

I had similar (though maybe not so severe) problems when DS was that age and it was very, very disheartening but didn't last that long and DS (7 months tomorrow) is now just as happy with either of us.

Sorry x-posted.

He does sit down popmum, but then so do I (though normally rocking even while sat).

I have mentioned him spending some more one-on-one time with her, and he gets all defensive like I'm accusing him. He is going to start doing the bedtime routien though.

Thanks too both of you.

By the way I love that name Cliff

Thanks pablopatito

They are often like this to start with. As she gets older she will bond more and more. Agree with PCs post.

Does he hold her wearing his work clothes? I have a pretty good sense of smell, and I can always tell whether or not dh has changed out of the clothes he went to work in, especially in winter. If your dh smells of other people or of another environment, that could also be unsettling.

He doesn't need to be upset, suggesting he do something routine with his dd is not an accusation of inadequacy. It can be very difficutl for the dad to get involved with a new baby, especaially if he works fulltime.

That's what I've told him PC, he just gets a little sensitive about stuff like this.

He doesn't hold her while wearng his work clothes as has a very dirty job.