PND and dark thoughts.anyone else admit such things?

[brokensleeper]

i think i have some pnd and pts from very traumatic birth experience where i almost died.im getting some counselling at the moment but recently ive been having these very disturbing flashes,or thoughts to do with my baby.
Firstly i want to say that there is no way i would allow myself or my baby to come to any harm.just the thought of my baby getting hurt in any way makes me feel sick? But why am i having these thoughts????
Please dont judge me...im just freaked out by it.
Thoughts like...i could snap her neck so easily....stop her breathing...oh this looks horrific reading it and upsetting me. I dont want these horrid things in my head.
I dare not mention to anyone in case they think m a danger somehow.
My world is my baby right now but im also under a lot of physocal&emotional stress in my life.im not handling it very well.
Has anyone else had such dark thoughts?

Sorry to hear you're having these feelings - PND sucks but it happens to so many mothers - you really aren't alone. Saying that, everyone's experiences are different.

I had undiagnosed PND with DS1 but when it returned with DS2 it completely took over making any time alone with the children unbearable for me (unconditional love? Not in my case). I'd never hurt the children but in my worst moments I could quite happily pack a bag and walk out leaving them on their own. I've always got the thought in the back of my head that I cam divorce DH and leave the children with him. How awful does that sound? Every day is a battle and getting to the end is a personal victory.

I've been on ADs for 10 months and have a psych assessment tomorrow as things are still very difficult. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Yes, me too. I've struggled with depression for more years than I care to remember. I too would never do anything to harm my son, but sometimes I can't help but think how easy it would be to drop him etc etc. My health visitor is rubbish and just likes to give out leaflets on PND, but doesn't know how to deal with it in a constructive fashion. She'd probably have social services round here if I said anything. I've just come to accept my depression as part of who I am, it just seems to be the way I'm wired. I also suffered from anorexia in my early 20s so am really struggling with the weight gain my lovely little boy caused...

Glad I've found this thread. I've been having these dark thoughts since DD was born 6 years ago and I now have two more DC'S.

I thought I was going mad, I would never ever hurt my children but couldn't work out why I was having dark thoughts about doing so, very scary. Should I give my HV a call or do you think she would be straight on the phone to social services?!