Is the intensity of child rearing reduced once they start school?

[AandO]

My ds will shortly turn five and starts school in September, so he will be there all morning. We are moving to a house in a cul de sac with a green right in front of our house so I imagine he will play out the front once we get to know the neighbours. He will also take swimming lessons once a week. My question is, once September comes will I see my ds at all on week days?!!

In one way I feel now that he's off to school alot of the intense full on child rearing is done, and that instead I'll just be providing food for him to run in for in between playing with friends. Is this the case with your kids?

Yes you will see him and no you won't be just providing food. Ds1 is just finishing reception. I do see him less, but he needs me just as much and the interaction has changed. We read together twice daily and have long discussions about pretty much anything when i pick him up.
Play dates should imo, be strictly limited. School is exhausting and plenty of veg out time is required! You will also be needed to participate in increasingly complex games ,make costumes at short notice and attend school for all sorts of things.
Good luck

Hi. They do get tired to start with, and I found it best to limit playdates to maybe one a fortnight (we have swimming lessons too).

I do find that DS wants a bit of space, though, just to read or play quietly.

Mind you, I'm going to turn into a taxi next year, when DS1 starts juniors, and has clubs every day.

Swallowed a fly - thanks, that thread sounds great, I'l try to find it!

Weary and sitting - he has been in five day preschool for the past two years so his school day will only be half an hour longer a day than he's used to. He always just chills out and plays by himself when he gets home. We have never actually done playdates! I guess the only difference will be that he'll be the age kids in our village start to play out the front at, so I'm just wondering once kids are able to play out by themselves are they out all the while?

Just wanted to say, I remember being about 9 or 10 and we lived in a village where all the children "played out" together after school. My mum always wanted me in by about 5 and although I grumbled about it, I was actually quite secretly pleased as it meant I could read a book, chat to my parents etc as I quite wanted to switch off from friends after school.

Personally, I find the intensity increasing as they get older. The DC are more independent in the basics - getting dressed, baths, organising food, playing etc - however other stuff moves in. The homework, school stuff, needing lifts here there and everywhere, the social politics of the playground etc. etc. etc.

Ozzie - I had wondered about setting out the front limits. I am feeling a little sad at the idea of my ds running out to play all afternoon and my barely seeing him anymore. In our previous house we also lived on a cul de sac and all the kids were out until dark every day!! Poor ds was too little to go out and used to love watching them. It's good to hear that you were secretly happy with your time limit. Actually, when ds comes home from preschool and now summer camp he seems to really relish the quiet at home. I usually don't see him for an hour or more as he is sitting in his room reading or setting up all his animals ready for a game for ages. But he's in the house and I feel his presence and enjoy him being there but playing nicely by himself, if that makes any sense .

Nun - That's interesting. He won't have any homework until he's nine so I won't have to worry about that for a bit but lots of people say that the driving gets abit hectic as they get older. Time to force dh into taking driving lessons I think . I hadn't thought about playground politics!

In my experience, it just gets more intense, not less!! I was dying for DD to start school so that I could get on with something (like a proper job), but it hasn't happened. You still need to be there to drop them off and pick them up (or arrange for someone else to be there for them); then there's competitive parents and playground politics to contend with, along with the other stuff - costumes, money for trips, playdates, sitting around for hours after school in the park, pta stuff and so on. I hate it, personally, as you tend to get sucked in even if you don't want to.

I wouldn't worry too much about not seeing your DC - after all - bringing up kids is all about letting them go, isn't it? Seeing them developing a sense of self is, in my opinion, one of the best parts of raising children, and the years when they are little and dependent pass by so quickly. Personally, I don't see the need for them to be continually driven about either - i think they get more out of walking or taking the bus/ train. Good luck.

No, just as full on: just different - sorry!!