Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Have I ruined my baby?

48 replies

Natzer · 15/07/2011 20:12

I'm a first time mum with a 3 month old little girl, she is a fairly easy and laid back baby and always has been. We have been using a baby sleep plan to get her to sleep through the night, it has worked and she does now sleep through from 6.30pm until 7.30am. There was never really any real controlled crying maybe a controlled grizzle or 2 but she never proper crying.

I suppose I'm upset partly because I'm not with her for those 13 hours a day, she also has 4 hours worth of naps per day too. One other big problem I feel is that she no longer falls alseep on me, she has learnt self settle and she crys to be put down in her cot to fall asleep.

I know i'm really lucky that she has such a good sleep pattern, ( I know this wont always be the case, with teething etc) but when I watch her on the video monitor all I want is a cuddle , I see her wake and then suck her thumb and get herself off to sleep. I feel that at 3 months she doesn't really need me and it really upsets me.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sl1nkyMalinki · 15/07/2011 21:11

What MerryMarigold said. Karma is indeed a bitch :)

seeker · 15/07/2011 21:13

""when you want them to get into 'good habits'"

Sorry, not much better!

Ba8y1 · 15/07/2011 21:13

No I completely agree seeker - I've been very lucky with DS (touch wood now or I'm going to jinx everything!!)

I just wanted to reassure OP with my posts that's all - not get into the very boring 'routine is bad' which happens so often on mn. It seems the OP just needed some reassurance that what she has done is not a bad thing at all - I just didnt want her thread to be hijacked by the 'oh my god your baby is too young for a routine' brigade - guaranteed to exacerbate her worries!

OP I think you're doing brilliantly by your dd and I hope it lasts!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

ceebeegeebies · 15/07/2011 21:17

OP - you should be making the most of the time to yourself and be thankful your baby is so contented

FWIW, DS1 used to love being cuddled by me and DH and would happily fall asleep on us - and we used to love it too

DS2, otoh, has never fallen asleep on either of us as far as I can remember! Alway wanted to be put down on his play gym, moses basket and then cot and now bed - he is no 2.7 and asks to go to bed and will happily lie in bed for 60+ minutes staring at the ceiling chatting to himself before he goes to sleep. He also never gets up in the middle of the night either. This is a complete shock to DS1 who has to be told firmly to go to bed, lie quietly and go to sleep and still comes into our bedroom in the early hours about once or twice a week.

MissHairspray · 15/07/2011 21:18

It isn't the same I know, but when both of mine were around 3 months I used to get huge pangs about the fact they were no longer tiny tiny newborns and would happily sleep in their cots etc. Just do what feels right, if you want a cuddle then pick your dc up and don't feel bad about it, but nothing wrong with having a bit of structure if it seems to suit and doesn't cause distress. Totally echo what others have said about it being up to the baby though!

petisa · 15/07/2011 21:20

Don't worry OP, you're baby is just a v good sleeper. My first was like this too, and I understand what you mean about feeling she doesn't want or need you or something, but as others have said, of course she needs you and is happy and content. Dd1 slept for that many hours at night and put on weight fine, and still needs loads of sleep now at 3.3 years. Maybe you could try carrying her in a sling during the day for a while to feel more connected?

TheRealMBJ · 15/07/2011 21:24

See here.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 15/07/2011 21:26

ALL mine have been like this and i also had comments like seekers above
With dc1 i worried as you do and infact went to the gp because my sister said he slept too much 12-14 hrs a night and ant least 2 x 2.5 hours in the day. The gp said 'enjoy'!!!!!

Ba8y1 · 15/07/2011 21:32

RealMBJ - ROFL at that!!

NB: The baby's sleeping through it though.....

TheRealMBJ · 15/07/2011 21:37

Haudyerwheesht · 15/07/2011 22:48

Enjoy it. Dd was like this until 5m when she became whinger champ! She is now 9m and coming out of it. I never did any training or anything I was just realised she ever left my arms - ds didn't sleep until he was 3. Some kids are just like that. Even now sometimes if dd wakes crying I pick her up and she burps and my instinct is to hold her and comfort her but the only thing that really let's her settle is being put back down!

Although she whinges now (teeth) she still almost always sleeps 630/7-6am ish. She wakes early cos her brother wakes her which is annoying tbh!

thederkinsdame · 15/07/2011 22:53

Natzer, I think you should be congratulating yourself. Having a baby that self-settles at this age is no mean feat. If anything, I'd say you have got her into good habits and that when she's a toddler you will be really pleased!

Steeplearningcurve · 15/07/2011 23:02

I understand what you mean. I'm on my own and it makes me want to keep dd up with me in the evening, but all she wants is to lie flat! Sounds like you are doing a great job

LeonieDeSaintVire · 15/07/2011 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountBapula · 15/07/2011 23:55

Enjoy your lovely DD, OP. Sounds like you're doing a fine job.

sparkleshine · 16/07/2011 00:14

My DS used to always fall alseep on me and I loved it, those cuddles were great and I loved snuggling up with him. He also used to to go down easily in his moses basket and then cot. He started sleeping through at around 2 months and we enjoyed the peace and quiet.

BUT, my mum said I would probably be making a rod for my own back and I sort of have. At 19 months he still loves falling asleep on me for his 1 nap a day (if at home and watching tv, for eg)
He still goes to sleep fine alone in his cot no problem.....

The only problem I have is that he hates waking up alone. As soon as he wakes, he cries, whether in his cot or on the sofa, pram etc if nobody is there with him. If he wakes in middle of the night, I have to go to him or he screams and I end up just bringing in to my bed where he cuddles up to me. Its frustrating and annoying.
I hear about these babies/toddlers that can happily entertain themselves for ages in the mornings whilst in their cots, and I'm jealous.

now I wish I'd have just given him some independance at the start, just at the time you don't think of these things. Oh well!

Enjoy it while you can, you are doing nothing wrong....theres many years yet to go for her to disturb your rest

LynetteScavo · 16/07/2011 00:19

Natzer, be thankful...you may one day have another child who does not sleep so well!

If she is sucking her thumb, then she is self soothing, and of course she needs you! Wait until she toddles off into pre-school without a backwards glance...then you will really feel she doesn't need you!

WinkySlink · 16/07/2011 01:00

It sounds like you have a contented and secure baby OP! :)
I think sometimes in the early days its easy to either beat yourself up, or take credit for, your baby's ways, when in fact they have just fallen into their own ways...and the fact that you have not had to impose a 'regime' or struggle towards a 'goal' of her sleeping through etc., would suggest shes just doing what suits her, enjoys it! It could be that she is a baby who just gets too hot lying on you for hours, or likes to stretch out flat, rather than scrunching up on you.
I have a chilled out baby, and i used to worry that she had 'learned not to cry' like the baby in the NSPCC advert, because she settled herself well. I never ignored her cries, or had a routine, but thought maybe she was waking up upset in the night and i was too fast asleep to hear her, but in reality both me and DP always woke for the mildest sniffle, so we were just being paranoid!
Lotsof babies are like that, but i think if you read too much, you can expect the worst...i thought having a new baby would be a real struggle, but it was great. A lot of people feel they were never given an inkling of how hard it can be to have a newborn, but i was amazed at how (.relatively) easy it was compared to stuff i read. Having said that, people are probably more likely to post on MN etc if they are struggling, in order to get support, than if things are going really well.

frenchfancy · 16/07/2011 07:18

Sounds to me like you are doing a great job. Yes some of it is down to the baby, but not all. Your baby obviously feels secure otherwise shie wouldn't be happy. Enjoy this time, enjoy lots of cuddles when she is awake, and try not to talk about it in front of any friends who have babies who don't sleep:)

EverythingsNotRosie · 16/07/2011 08:02

My LO was exactly like yours OP- totally chilled, self-settled, slept through from 8 weeks until 5 months. Now, at nearly 8 months, she is demanding, stroppy, into everything, climbing up etc etc. Your little baby is secure and chilled- enjoy it! And then look forward to the next stage. I don't really get cuddles, but we play lots of fun games!

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 08:19

Self settling is good-I think she sounds secure and happy. She still needs you!

seeker · 16/07/2011 09:04

My dd slept on me or cuddled up next to me or being carried for ages. I didn;t mind - in fact I liked it. The ds arrived, and it didn't matter how long I carried and rocked - he was fretful and cried. My mum kept saying "Look at the way he's arching his back - he wants to lie down" I ignored her for ages, then finally to shut her up and prove her wrong, I put him down in his basket awake. He stretched out blissfully, sighed contentedly and fell asleep.
They are all different. The key is finding the system that fits the baby, rather than trying to fit the baby to the system. I tried to make ds into a freewheeling hippy and he was a natural born GF baby. He went on to need his lunch at 12 sharp, and even now, at 10 is happier when he knows exactly what's going to happen when.
Oh, and OP, pack in as much sleep as you can now, just in case this is just a phase!

exoticfruits · 16/07/2011 10:12

I have never gone along with the idea that 'all babies like.....' as if there is a way that is best. Being continually 'worn' ,which seems to be the 'in' phrase, is fine for the baby who likes it-but some just like their own space.

Flip

1 2