9yo dd1 thinks mum's always grumpy and never smiles - she might be right

[tomps]

Seems like recently I'm constantly on dd's back for everything - getting up / dressed / eating / homework / blah blah blah. Sometimes I find her so irritating. I have explained that we waste so much time when she doesn't do things 1st (or even 3rd) time of asking, so don't have as much time for fun stuff as we waste so much time on boring stuff that just needs doing. Bit worried that we're getting into a negative cycle where I'm always grumpy so she doesn't get positive feedback so cooperates less etc etc. Feeling like a v crap mum lately, would love to her from anyone who's had similar experience and survived !

That's me to a tee, except my DD is 10. Currently she is on her fourth week off school (Belgium) and so we've been together more than normal. DH is away so she is undiluted if that makes sense.
My DD is a lovely, loving girl but has a really low boredom threshold. If we aren't doing something out of the house, she gets really whiney.
Last week I decided that we'd have a talk about it. She said to me that all I do is tell her off. I don't think that's true, but really made an effort to phrase things differently.
It did work, she is much less annoying and I am, or appear to be, much less naggy.

I feel like a sergeant major on school/work days, ensuring we get out of the door on time and homework/reasonably regular washing/teeth/hair etc get done. So I try as much as possible to let DCs do things in their own time at weekends and in holidays.

What's the reason she isn't doing things by the third time? Is she distracted by something that interests her? If so, surely that's 'fun stuff' for her?
Are there any siblings? Can you let her dawdle and potter and just not do whatever 'fun stuff' was planned?

Also, in what way are you on her back about eating?