how did you get your toddler ready for another baby?

[mamaesi]

my toddler is extremely demanding and I just have this feeling that adjusting to the new baby who needs my attention will be difficult.

can anyone give me top tips? there will be a 20 month gap...so my toddler is still quite hard to reason with.

many thanks

Hi Mamaesi,

Congratulations on your pregnancy. When are you due?

Ds will be 19m when DC2 arrives in sept so I can tell you what I am doing in preparation for blowing his world apart... but can't tell you wether it works or not!

The main thing I guess is talking about babies. We look at them in books/rl and he knows what they are.

When the new baby is more obviously moving inside me, and he can see and feel it, I plan on telling him that it is a baby, and that it will come out and live with us one day. It's impossible to know how much he'll understand, but he often surprises me in this regard and it can't hurt!

We have worked on "being gentle". We stroke the dog gently and say, "oh Ds, you are being very gentle...doggy likes it" Same with being gentle with people, so he really gets an idea of what it is to be gentle and hopefully will be able to be gentle with the new baby.

Ds is still bf so I've been pretending to bf his toys, so he gets used to the idea of sharing his milk. He finds this hilarious and brings me things to bf, odd stuff like the telly remote and some kitchen tongs

We also do taking turns...like if we all share a snack Ds will have a turn, then DH, then DM...and back to DS. We narrate it using the word "turn" a lot. Hopefully when the new baby comes he will understand that if it is the new babies turn to, say be held, he will get a turn after...but I must remember to come good on this one for him!

Plan on using a sling a lot...

Erm that's all I can think of for now but am watching with interest.

Almost exactly 2 years between DS1 and 2, we bought this book- he enjoyed it and would point at my tummy after and say 'baby'. Also when baby was born he got a toy pushchair and doll (as well as a book about tractors which are his current fav!).

He is still quite jealous at times but I think it probably helped a little bit. It is always going to be difficult for a toddler when a baby comes along but as long as they still get plenty of attention they will get over it eventually !

LOve the push chair and doll idea...

I have exactly 2 years as well. The reality for me was that the toddler was still 90% of the work! The new baby was so easy compared to a toddler. To be honest, I realised what a complete fuss I must have made first time round!!

Maybe I was lucky though and got an easy baby .

For me getting a bedsite cot was a godsend - I got so much more sleep than first time round.

It wasn't till the baby started walking that there was a role reversal - then it was 90% of the work but by that time the older one was a nursery most mornings!

Also, very quickly they will not be able to remember a time when they didn't have a little brother or sister. My eldest in no way remembers what it was like to have me all to himself!

2 year age gap here between dc.
We talked about the imminent baby arrival a lot - but we didn't really start until just a few months before due date as thought the whole 9 months would be too long for a toddler to wait. Any opportunity to mention "baby" we did so. "What colour do you think baby will like?", "Will you help mummy with baby too?" etc.
Read books about having a baby and then talked about them.
Pointed out babies in street / at babygroups - another chance to mention "our baby".
Bought DS a small baby girl toy for himself and we used that toy as a physical demonstration of having a new baby, again a few months before actual DD arrived. We changed toy's nappy, put her in little seat carrier etc.
Continually pointed to mummy's tummy and talked about baby, reminding DS we had a baby in there and she was going to be here soon!

When baby arrived, bought present for DS from baby - actually I don't think we said this is from your baby sister, we said this is from mummy and daddy to thank you for being so helpful and understanding and helping us with new baby and taking care of her.

I read that when older DC comes to see you in hospital or comes to see baby for first time, you should try and make sure you're not holding baby but that they're in a crib or moses basket or similar - makes it easier for older child? I forgot this but fortunately baby was in the hospital cot anyway in the end at that moment DS arrived!

Oh I forgot all that - yes, we had an igglepiggle (he was a Nightgarden fan) in the baby's cot in the hospital - when DS1 came in for the first time he got the iggle piggle from the baby. We then sat him down in a wing chair, put a pillow on his lap and he "held" the baby and gave him a good examine! He loved this. We made a big fuss and took lots of photos.

It was very very nice.