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Parenting

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Original poster

DS doesn't smile at me when i pick him up from childminder's :(

6 replies

matana · 06/07/2011 16:29

I was on here a while back offering some reassurance to someone who had the same issue, but i'm now having a bit of a wobble - especially as i return to work full time in August.

My 8 month old DS has started going to his childminder for some settling in dates - one day per week. He's getting on great and really seems to love the interaction. Apparently he chatters, blows raspberries, laughs and smiles a lot. I couldn't have wished for a better reaction from him. This sounds very much like him - he's a really happy boy and always has been. Over the months he's given me the most gorgeous, heart felt smiles.

But when i collect him from the childminder he barely looks in my direction and certainly never cracks a smile. It's the same whenever i leave him with someone else, he never smiles at me or looks like he's even remotely interested in me when i collect him. I've even wondered if he remembers who i am.

When his dad gets home from work he flashes him the most amazingly excited smile, which i love to see. But i'm beginning to wonder if he loves or is even remotely attached to me. The rational side of me reminds myself that it's me who is able to calm him when he wakes from a bad dream when DH can't, so he must feel attached to me. But why won't he smile when i collect him?

Anyone else have any words of reassurance or something similar happen with their LOs? I'm feeling really quite and a bit worried about our relationship.

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RitaMorgan · 06/07/2011 16:33

Sounds like he is expressing his upset that you left him - he is probably feeling some quite complex emotions that the person he most loves/needs went awat. When mine first started nursery he was fine when I dropped him off but burst into tears the second he saw me when I collected him.

KnitterNotTwitter · 06/07/2011 16:36

He's probably a combination of tired and relieved....

Just make sure you keep smiling at him and approving of him and it'll come...

megkat · 07/07/2011 12:47

I often think mums get the raw deal with stuff like this - it's like it's taken for granted you're always there (even if you work - I'm a full time working mum). It's similar to first words always being daddy. I wouldn't worry - he's 8 months old; he loves you.

Don't put any more mummy guilt on yourself - it's hard enough going back to work :)

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PinkEmily · 07/07/2011 21:49

I'm going back to work in September and haven't left DD (8 months) with anyone at all since she was born, I'm terrified we're going to have tears and all sorts when she goes to her childminder even though she is lovely, the worry is stopping me from sleeping.
Although it's not an ideal situation yet, your DS is half way there, happy, settled and enjoying himself.

My older children would often go through stages of preferring Daddy/Grandparents - anyone really, and showing me little affection, it used to upset me at the time too - but that passes very quickly. As they get older the one that says 'yes' is often the favoured one, believe me!

I would feel such relief to be where you are now.

alison222 · 07/07/2011 22:05

it sounds like Ritamorgan hit it on the nail.

I worked as a childminder ( not doing it any more) and I had one little boy who cried when his mum went and when she came to get him. He absolutely adored her and was punishing her for leaving, however he lasted about 30 secs of crying when she left before he settled into doing something else and was happy again. I used to text her a photo after a while to show her, and made her hide outside the door once or twice to see that I was telling the truth and he was happy really.
I really felt for her she got such a raw deal from it.

He did outgrow this phase though and then used to run up to her with a huge hug when she came to get him

yawningbear · 08/07/2011 10:10

DD was the same although she was slightly older. At 14 months I started leaving her in a creche for a couple of hours at a time, she loved it although it took her a while to settle in. For the first few weeks when I would go and pick her up she totally blanked me, she didn't cry but didn't acknowledge me and basically appeared to be in a huff with me. As RitaMorgan says I was pretty convinced she was expressing her upset at being left by me even though she had lots of fun whilst she was there. I used to feel awful though, especially when other Mum's used to come in and their children always seemed to be jumping into their arms when they were collected! It was just a phase though and now when I pick her up from nursery she is delighted to see me and I always get big cuddles. I am sure it will be the same with your little boy. HTH.

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