How do I make it up to DS and DD1

[GuiltyMumOf3]

Namechanged as this might out me. If you know me please keep it quiet. Thanks.

I've just had DD2 - 3 1/2 weeks ago. I always knew it was going to be hard for DS (4) and DD1 (2) but circumstances are just making it awful for them and I don't know how to make it up to them.

I'm knackered. I don't do sleep deprivation well, so knew I would be hard to live with for a few months. Actually DD2 is sleeping a lot better than I expected but she is newborn so doesn't sleep for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time. I'm bfing so glued to the sofa with DD2 a lot. When I'm not feeding DD2 is in a sling mostly. This is all normal and what I was expecting but ...

DS, DD2 and I have been ill. DS is getting better but DD2 is not. We spent today in hospital. They weren't worried but she is still ill and our normal day was cancelled.

And DH has had a major work opportunity come up. It means him going away quite a bit for a week at a time and also him working late so not putting DS and DD1 to bed. It was their favourite part of the day. They adore him. This opportunity is massive and could mean complete financial stability for the future. He's been working up to this for 9 years so there is no giving it up.

So not only am I basically away from DS and DD1, lots of my energy is spent worrying about an ill DD2, but DH is also away. So how can I make things better for them - or at least make things not quite as crap? Any ideas?

Let your standards slip- don't Hoover, eat ready meals, watch more tv. Hug them lots. Sometimes leave the baby to cry while you are with them. Take vitamins, get any help you can, and remember it will pass and they won't remember!

I know you are right. A few weeks of cbeebies isn't going to hurt them. It just feels so unfair for them. They can't understand why DH is away so much or why I'm so short tempered.

Try and take care of yourself! There are home help volunteer schemes, I think maybe called homestart? That I have seen recced on here. Could you afford a cleaner? Would your mum/ sister come for a day or 2- or take the bigs for a sllepover? Get in lots of cake!

Thanks for the suggestions. Homestart a no go as they just don't have enough volunteers but will certainly do sleepovers especially during the summer.

talkingnonsense has a good idea - we should all do that anyway :)

Just don't worry about the 'little things'.

Eat shop bought pizzas for tea and biscuits for pudding. If you can afford to buy some DVDs and board games from Amazon for them to watch/play with while you're all together. Have a rule that pajamas need to be on AT ALL TIMES! They'll think it's excellent! They'll remember lovely cosiness with lots of fun, their mummy and the new baby. And get them doing stuff - they can fetch nappies and wipes and cuddle the baby (with supervision).

Im going to suggest something that may not be mega popular;
Put the baby in a bouncer chair so she can watch you, (if shes not quite big enough lay her on a changing mat on the floor) then sit on the floor and play with your older two. Babies are much easier to ignor for a bit and really wont remeber, but your four year old especially will remember. Get your youngest used to being plonked in a bouncer watching her siblings for amusement. Worked wonders for me. I found my youngest much easier to look after as she was entertained by just watching me play with my elder one. I used to put her in a sling when i did housework, so she felt that closeness alot, ie washing up or running hoover round. But the rest of the time i used to aim her at DS to watch him play. Take any help thats offered, but try to structure it a abit so the older two dont feel like they are being dumped, Mondays they go off with nanny for the day or whatever, so its a treat. (my own bitter experience talking there!)

I hope things settle down for you, sure they will, its just the adjustment period isnt it

Jeeesus! sorry about terrible spelling - time for bed.