Good reasons for having DC2

[gomurray]

I have a DS aged 2.6 and am at the stage where everyone around me seems to be having a baby or falling pregnant. I have given DP the last few months to decide whether he wants another child and last night he admitted that he doesn't really want one. I am absolutely gutted

What are your best arguments for having DC2 ? Or reasons for not having an only child ? I really want to try and convince him, although I appreciate that he has a right to his opinion and it is not fair of me to bully him into it. His core reason is that he is happy with DS and can't be bothered with the hassle of starting all over again with a new baby. He doesn't seem to be able to think long term about this and consider the impact his decision will have on DS2. I know that DS is a very happy little boy and that we can try to ensure he will have lots of friends round to play but it is just not the same as having a sibling in my eyes. I am really sad at the thought of DS being lonely and growing up without a buddy. I personally have no broodiness or desire to be pregnant again - my yearning is purely to provide DS with what I think will be best for him. Both DP and I have a sibling, had great childhoods and are still close to our siblings. I just can't understand why DP doesn't want to same for DS. My greatest fear is that DP's decision has been made out of laziness and selfishness and he will live to regret it. Any advice would be much appreciated.

As a mum of 2 about to embark on a 10 week summer holiday, I'm bloody grateful I have 2, 23 months apart, so they can entertain each other while I jibber in the corner

I also think it's nice for the child to have someone to share life with from playing as a child to having children/getting married/dealing with the death of parents as an adult.

Here are some of the reasons I think it's a good idea, looking at the very long term!

When you're an adult you have someone to talk to who understands your family's unique perspective on the world.

When you and your partner get old, your DS will have someone to share the burden of looking after you, practically speaking. If your or your partner's health gets bad at any point it'll be much easier for you all if your DS had another DC to help. This is a very real consideration for me. Also on an emotional level it'll help your DS to gave someone to talk things over with.

From your point of view, if you have only one child, when you get old you will have more actual time seeing your kids, as they'll be busy with their own lives but if you're like any of the old people I know time with your kids will mean a lot to you.

Two kids means double the chance of grandkids, again something that can bring real meaning and joy to you when you're elderly.

Also there was research recently showing that if you have a sister it's good for your mental health.

HTH :)

FWIW I have one DS, who's 2.5. DP and I haven't decided whether to have 2 yet, but this year isn't right (we're both studying). A lot of my friends are having their second as they've gone for the 2 year gap thing, but some of them have found it really tough. I don't think a bigger gap is such a bad thing.

How old are you if you don't mind be asking?

So many reasons- like you, my main reason was not wanting DD to be lonely, wanting to give her someone to share her childhood with and hopefully a friend for life who will always be there for her. My mum died when I was in my twenties and having my siblings really helped, it makes you realise once your parents are gone they are your only connection to your childhood and your family (if that makes sense?).

My two are 3 and 1 now and they love each other so much it's great to see. They already play together in their own way and miss each other when they are apart. I'm looking forward to when they are around 6 and 4 and I imagine will play together properly so I can get on with stuff without feeling guilty!

Also the usual stuff about learning to share, to be more responsible etc etc.

So many reasons- like you, my main reason was not wanting DD to be lonely, wanting to give her someone to share her childhood with and hopefully a friend for life who will always be there for her. My mum died when I was in my twenties and having my siblings really helped, it makes you realise once your parents are gone they are your only connection to your childhood and your family (if that makes sense?).

My two are 3 and 1 now and they love each other so much it's great to see. They already play together in their own way and miss each other when they are apart. I'm looking forward to when they are around 6 and 4 and I imagine will play together properly so I can get on with stuff without feeling guilty!

Also the usual stuff about learning to share, to be more responsible etc etc.

Well, DS1 fed DS2 breakfast this morning, then cleaned him with baby wipes, (he insists on doing this, cause he's a big boy).
DS1 has bad tantrums being autistic, DS2 is the only one who can crawl over to him, laugh and snap him out of it.

Having DS2 is the best thing I could have done for DS1. I'm so proud of him growing into such a responsible and helpful big brother, and learning to share and be caring towards his little brother, he doesn't interact with other kids at nursery because of his autism.
DS2 is a god send. They play away for hours together.
Very loving towards each other, DS2 is a LOT easier than DS1 was.

They always have each other for entertainment, rather than pestering me, lol

My two are 1 and 2 and 19 months apart. They entertain each other, they are happy watching cbeebies right now while I mn check emails. They chat to each other and settle happily at night in the same room. They fight, negotiate, compromise, wail, squabble and learn to take turns. They both get to stare at DH and I in disbelief. And DS (1) is about to walk then run so soon they can tire each other out. There are two kids and two adults when we are all together which feels balanced to me. Time for 1:1 and time to team up.

I hope they will be friends when older, but I don't presume it, they might be very different. But they will have a unique bond and life experience that hopefully will help in dealing with the world out there.

I would like a second for the same reasons you give. I feel sad for DS when I think of him growing up without siblings.

smallpotato makes a very good point too. My godmother died two years ago and her only daughter has found it very tough coping with an aging father on her own, especially because she is single and without children too. It's very lonely for her, and her father.

I can understand how your DH feels, I feel tired at the thought of doing pregnancy and sleepless nights again. But it is a very short-term view. Better to get on with it asap IMO, the sooner you start etc...

I am in exactly the same boat, was about to start a thread actually (slightly more complicated due to starting a HND in Sept).

I really want DS, just turned 2, to have a brother or sister.
Feel like I have already left it too late as I wanted them to be close together like me and my DB (9 days less than a year apart).
DP had agreed, just to make me happy I think, then had a U turn last week =[.
I don't want to be pregnant, or have the 1st year of crying and feeding, but most importantly my DS needs a sibling I feel.

My reasons to DP were:

1. They can play together and won't be alone.
2. The sooner it is done it means that once they are both at school I could get a proper full time job and not have to wait another million years for this if had them even further apart.
3. Yes it does sound like 'getting it out of the way' but in my mind that is what it is. I want 2 DC's and to me now is better than later.
4. Hopefully you still have all the things from DC1, so that will save a lot of money, then if you only want 2 after you can sell it all =].

Probably loads more. =].

Ds2 often seems to bring out the best in ds1.

Some top memories:

1. Me sobbing with exhaustion, drying my hair with ds2 (6 weeks) screaming on the bed and ds1 (2.5) stroking his haid saying "Don't worry little baby, your mummy will get you soon."
2. At soft-play: ds2 trying to slide down, being blocked by an older child climbing up, ds1 "Oi, my brother's trying to get down!"
3. Now they are 2 and 4 and in bunks - ds1 takes over from me singing lullabyes very patiently but quite bossily: "Ok, last one now!"

They play together/alongside each other so well (most of the time) and life with a four and a two year-old is so much easier than when I just had ds1 at a similar age to what ds2 is now. Back then I had absolutely no time to myself and now I'm always having the odd 40 minutes here and there as they play. Partly it's because I was so paranoid then but it's also because they entertain each other.

DS is an only child and I can't tell you how much he enjoys it when someone else (a child) is around. I really feel he is missing this by not having a sibling. Children really do entertain each other. Other reason is that you do really want one. This should not decide it of course but should influence this decision as much as his desire to not have another.

Ladies, thank you so so much for these lovely messages. I am even more convinced now that DC2 is the right thing to do. I will pass on some of these reasons to DP and hope they help persuade him too.

threefeethighandrising I will be 36 later this year so am conscious that time is ticking on...

lecce love your top memories

MetalSian I am so sorry to hear that you are in the same boat, fingers crossed we are both able to persuade our men that our wee ones need a sibling xx