how to deal with contrary 9 year old son

[wimpybar]

it's really getting us down now. everything we ask him he takes the contrary view, for example do you want to go out to so and so, he says yes, then no and so we start to go without him and he screams that he wants to come.

it's like he enjoys messing us about. it's becoming really annoying now though and we just don't know what to do to get him to change.

any advice :(

Not sure, with your example, I tend to think he has time management problems and needs to be given cues to when he needs to do something, so he's prepared and not paniced. I think kids of that age, have no idea of something outside of their control happening. So maybe ,be more authoriative , its is something he does have to thnik about,just do, but give him a count down. "we are going to...at 2 this afternoon","in half an hour we are leaving to go to...".etc

it's like he loves to argue, this morning it was his birthday (which is on 27th) he told me for ages it was the 26th and he knows it's the 27th, yet he's willing to argue with me for ages that he's right. it's really wearing. kind of hard to explain but he'd argue that the sky was pink.

really not sure how to handle and trawling the internet last night didn't really give me any clues! it's really hard work

I suggested to my son (now 13yrs) that being a barrister would be good career choice. Might as well get paid for it!
He is seriously considering it.

I agree - give him less choices, state what's happening, and don't back down.
Most importantly, never get into a debate or an argument with him.

I have a 9 yr old boy too. He has an answer for everything.

Ds (8) does this sometimes. I refuse to engage with it on any level.

With the birthday thing, my response would be "I propose to celebrate it on 27th. If you do not want to do that, that's fine but that is the only date I will be doing anything on". After that, I would refuse to discuss it any further. Debate only makes his argument more fun.

With going out, if he had told be me "no", then "no" it would be. He has a choice in these things, but he only gets to exercise it once.

He's found a button to push, bless him! I totally agree with GooseyLoosey and think that refusal to engage with debate is a good way forward.

thanks for advice, i think it's hard to ignore him sometimes though, as he'll just keep going on and on until he gets a reaction. i try to ignore but i know dp finds it harder, especially with the going out thing

There is a difference between ignoring the child and not engaging with the debate. As GooseyLoosey suggests, answer him with an appropriate response, and if he goes on and on, you can answer with the same response.

I hope this all gets better for you soon...

Agree with Neverending - you don't have to ignore him - just don't engage in discussion. If he raises something again and again, I tell ds "I have given you my answer, there is no different answer and asking again and again will not change the answer". Actually sometimes I tell him that if he persists, he not only will not get whatever it is he wants but won't get what I have offered either. This only works if you do through with it.

ds1 has just turned 10 and we go through phases where he's exactly like that... he'll ask me an innocuous question, for instance "is it going to be sunny today?" and I'll answer "yes" and he'll say, aggressively, "well it doesn't look sunny to me" and start trying to have an argument. i think it must be something developmental, a need to assert his independence of thought or something. but bloody annoying!