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Can't decide whether to try for another baby.

4 replies

Manoo · 21/11/2005 17:17

I'm going round in circles with a big dilemma. Know no-one else can decide for me, but I would be interested in other opinions.

Currently have a 2.5 yr old. Am very lucky to have a supportive partner who shares care 50/50. Before (unplanned but very wanted) baby, I was just getting started in a promising freelance career. When I took time out for birth and care, I lost my regular contract, and since then my career has nosedived into nonexistence. I'm now working part time at a job I hate.

I had always imagined having two kids to have a lovely gang - but am shocked by a) how difficult it is to care for babies/toddlers and b) how doing the above can kill off your career.

So, my dilemma - to reinvigorate my career (and change direction slightly) I need (and would like) to do an MA. But to do an MA soon would mean NOT having a baby for the next few years - thus creating a bigger gap between the kids, and extending those gruelling baby care years over a longer period, and possibly interrupting any new career progress with maternity leave time in the future.

But if I try for a baby now, that means working a few more years in a job I hate (and being very broke for a few more years too), which makes me resentful and grumpy!

I also realise that I know little about how it is to parent older kids and thus find it hard to imagine life with two once we're through the ultra challenging baby years (someone please tell me it isn't all as difficult as this!). I find it very hard to see beyond these difficult times (my boy is still a frequent waker and very tantrummy at the mo) - if I felt confident that family life would feel different once the tantrums and broken nights have passed, then perhaps it would be easier to embrace the idea of another baby.

Anyway, any thoughts greatly appreciated.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mommie · 21/11/2005 17:23

i only have one (14 months) and one is enough for me. TBH, I think a good career (with the right flexibility and hours) and more than one child is like chasing a rainbow, unless you have an awful lot of money (for a nanny) and a lot of support (ie youngish parents nearby. I am sure plenty of people will disagree...

poppadum · 21/11/2005 17:35

manoo,

I really would wait. I was quite certain that I was going to stick with one child until my daughter was 3.5 and I realised she was very lonely. By then, she was past the tantrums and broken nights and I felt able and happy to cope with another. I do find two more difficult than one, so I would advice you to wait and perhaps do an MA so you won't be resentful and grumpy when you do decide to try for another. I really like the age gap I have ( 4.5 years) and don't think it's a problem at all. My kids love each other most of the time, and I am able to give them both individual time. The age gap, imo, disappears when they are in their teens or twenties anyway.

poppadum · 21/11/2005 17:35

manoo,

I really would wait. I was quite certain that I was going to stick with one child until my daughter was 3.5 and I realised she was very lonely. By then, she was past the tantrums and broken nights and I felt able and happy to cope with another. I do find two more difficult than one, so I would advice you to wait and perhaps do an MA so you won't be resentful and grumpy when you do decide to try for another. I really like the age gap I have ( 4.5 years) and don't think it's a problem at all. My kids love each other most of the time, and I am able to give them both individual time. The age gap, imo, disappears when they are in their teens or twenties anyway.

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Manoo · 22/11/2005 12:29

many thanks mommie and poppadum - great to have your thoughts. also nice to know that the 4.5 yr age gap is working well and not a problem.

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