I don't know how to handle my daughter anymore........

[beatie]

........ and she's not even 3! (she's 3 this week)

I'm in tears writing this because we've just had an 'episode'. I don't usually write this type of post on Mumsnet for fear of inviting criticism. But I am LOST I moved house in the summer and dd has started Pre-shool so I have limited contact with parents of children the same age. I don't even know what is normal anymore.

I have a 2 month old baby so I do not know how much of her behaviour is attributed to age/the baby/the fact I had a difficult pregnancy so DH had to step in and do most of the practical and fun stuff with her. But, somewhere throughout this year I have lost my sweet little girl, to whom I felt so connected. I feel like I live with a stranger or an unpredicatble relative.

She's a delightful child in everyone else's eyes so her behaviour isn't an issue with anyone else but me and dh. When she's good, she's very very good... sweet and caring with loads of empathy.

Her worst point is her stubborness. Her refusal to get dressed, eat her dinner, put her shoes on, get in the puchchair/walk, get in the carseat. Every day we'll have at least one and sometimes 3 episodes like that. My mood is fairly good most of the time and I try all the nice approaches first, explanations, distractions - sometimes playing the empathy card even works. The nice approach works a few times but like I said, everyday she'll make sure the day is spoilt at some point.

I can see her mood suddenly switch. There is no trigger and no catalyst for the stubborn episodes. I leave enough time for us to get ready to go out of the house, so we're not rushing and she gets plenty of attention since our new baby is such a contented delight and doesn't demand much from me.

So, I need some practical steps to ride out this (hopefully) phase before my brain explodes.

I'm not even sure if it is a phase though. I hear about other people who never have to discipline their children and I wonder what's wrong with my daughter. I think she's always been like this since she got past her first birthday but I was able to deal with it and it never seemed like a problem. Now my methods are not effective and I don't know what else to try.

Oooh you're nicer than me . We have 3 warnings, and no warnings at all for violence.

Oh Beatie you just have to give her a smack ;)

Hmmmm.... I was wondering when someone would chime in with that.

Oooop s meant to sat 5 minute warnings not 5 warnings.

I should go - can't type with one hand.

Ahhh, thats better - thought I was just cruel!!!

ONLY JOKING

Well I thought it was funny

Those are the exact times where I have smacked, where all reason has gone out of the window and they are just being deliberately naughty.

Any way I'll finish with a classic MN mantra

IT IS JUST A PHASE, IT IS JUST A PHASE etc etc

We even tried smacking at one point... it did sod all good - she thumped me back!!!

Its quite good really - when I see all the moral "to smack, or not to smack" threads, I can do the old violence breeds violence theory and know that its true!!!

I just wanted to report that the week got better and we have had all good days since I started this thread. I've decided not to worry so much. I'm sure my dd1 is as normal as any other 3 year old and what I need to focus on is that most of the time she is a great little girl.

I think she has changed recently and it is probably a combination of the new baby's arrival and being on the verge of 3. But I am willing to accept that it's a phase. It sound slike I do all of the right things and that there is no one set method that can be used with 3 year olds.

Re stubborness over getting dressed... at the first sign of a protest I leave her to it now. If I show no annoyance and walk away, she ends up getting herself dressed and the comes and asks me to help her with the difficult bits. A much better system all round.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for your responses and give you an update.