So scared of teaching DD new things

[Limy]

Hi All
I have just started weaning my 6 month old DD, it is going ok but I have found it has made me worried about all the things that I need to teach her in future. I am petrified of giving her lumps, although the HV has advised I should start giving her small lumps instead of pureeing everything I find I am putting it off as I am scared of her choking. I am also getting worried about potty training, teaching her to talk and how to behave etc. I have never been the worlds most confident person and as a result I don't find it easy to make friends because I am too quiet and don't talk to people enough. I don't want this trait to rub off on my daughter but don't know how to stop this coming across to her. Also I would like to be able to make some "mum" friends, the only friends I have are childhood friends who are mainly single and like to go clubbing etc which I no longer like to do but I don't know where to start. Any advice would be much appreciated.

i think the choking thing scares a lot of people, so you're certainly not alone with it.
i would try giving her some finger foods perhaps? the good thing about doing that is that SHE is in control of how far into her mouth she puts it and how much she bites/sucks off, meaning less chance of choking.
babies generally have a pretty good gag reflex too, which shouldn't be confused with choking, it's quite likely in fact that she may gag on the first things she eats... the gag reflex brings food forward again and actually prevents choking, so she already has an inbuilt mechanism there to help stop it happening :)

as for the other things... you'll find that generally they pick a lot of it up themselves and there isn't an awful lot of "active" teaching involved... just follow your child's lead, model behaviour you want to see and go with the flow.

what area are you in? perhaps there is a mumsnet local you could investigate? do you go to any toddler groups or anything like that?

Food worries - have you considered/ read Baby Led Weaning? The beauty is she'll teach herself and you don't have to faff around with purees, mashes etc.

Def think about going to a variety of different baby things - you could try baby classes if just sitting around talking fills you with dread. With baby yoga, massage, sign or swimming, for example, you'll meet other parents and go through an experience together so have plenty to talk about.

I totally empathise with the worries about 'what will I teach my son??!!!' But reading a variety of books with different perspectives helps, and asking others what they think. But what is mostly reassuring is noting that babies are so good at learning, they just need to be given opportunities to do it - you won't need to teach her to walk, for example, she'll just try to do so if you give her the opportunity when the time comes. My mum is a primary school teacher in a really desparately poor area - many of the parents are deeply troubled and ill-equipped for being parents at this point in their lives. But all the children are potty trainned, they can all speak and walk, and feed themselves and join in with school life. If you are nuturing, much of what your daughter needs to learn from you will be good enough, even if you are concerned about particular issues and not everything goes swimmingly.

Good luck

I remember having a similar overwhelming feeling of "OMG, I have to teach him everything EVERYTHING!" when he was probably younger than 4 months. However it is amazing how he picks things up and now he is going to the Childminder in the week he is learning stuff there too.

No tips on making friends other than the usual things like go to groups, get online and connect with local people and just put yourself out there. But then I am an outgoing person so this doesn't phase me.

Best of luck.

When you look at that tiny helpless creature it does feel like an overwhelming responsibility because you think you will be doing it all yourself. But a 1yo is already a far more active creature, doing more of her own teaching as it were. Really, unless they have Special Needs, children have to be very deprived not to learn to walk and talk; you'd have to lock her up in her cot and not let anyone interact with her- you weren't planning on doing that, were you?

There is no guarantee that your character traits will rub off on your dd: I was very shy until well into adulthood and am still perhaps a bit of a loner- my dcs are very sociable. I find it easier now they are older and managing their own social lives.

When they were little, one thing that helped me enormously was joining mums groups: my HV had a list of groups meeting locally and I made some good friends there. This was a great advantage when dcs came to start school as they already knew some of the families at the school gates.

thanks for all the messages I feel much better knowing I am not alone in worrying about things. I have thought about BLW it does sound good but don't know how she well she will accept it now I have started on the traditional weaning route, its worth a try though. I do go to a couple of mother and baby groups but go along with my sister in law so its easy to sit and chat to her and before I've had chance to talk to anybody else the session has finished, I think I will look for something I can attend on my own and hopefully that will force me to come out of my shell a bit more. I have signed up for mumsnet local but there does not seem to be many mumsnetters in my area. Thanks once again x

Mum and baby groups are great for meeting people and yes you do have to go alone to make you speak to people. Other people won't approach you either if you have someone with you as it's so much harder to approach 2 people instead of 1.

I must admit that I have a relation who doesn't really talk to people and it has rubbed off on her oldest so that they are both standoffish. When I look at the family I can see the same thing going back to the grandmother and even her mother was the same. You can chose to be different though if you want to. I did! My parents were incredibly introverted so I grew up isolated and shy. When I got to being a teenager I decided I didn't want to be like that anymore and made myself act confident and chatty. I found that the more I pretended the more I became like that. (sorry for the life story!) Now after a lot of practice I am a very outgoing person, slightly socially awkward perhaps but that doesn't matter.

Hey don't worry about the BLW weaing thing, don't think of it like that, just think of it as some food on a spoon and some in finger food format.

We did a lot of purees to begin with but I always offered at least a couple of finger foods a day and gradually increased it as we went along. The day he ate a whole meal in figer food was amazing.

Just treat it as a sort of game to begin and don't make it too complicated. A bit of your morning toast is fine at breakfast time and you have not prepared anything special then.

Have fun.

I agree with Tigresswoods. You don't need to follow anything for weaning. A bit of this and that is fine. You'll only stress abuot doing it right otherwise. And really it's hard to do it wrong (if that is even possible).

i started with blw then moved onto spoon feeding. the book is really good to reassure you and help you trust baby and follow baby's signals. you don't have to do all or nothing, or believe everything you read!

Parenting is so overwhelming, the amount of responsibility on you to do the right thing for your child is immense.

Take one day at a time and love your child with everything you have and you'll do good

Thanks for all of your responses. I am going to give BLW a go but will carry on with some of the purees as my little one loves them so much.

re meeting other mums I found playgroups quite hard but easier to do something organised/focused like baby massage or 'baby gym' cant remember what it was called.... as there was always something to do, so you didn't have to chat when you didn't want to - if you have a sure start centre or library anywhere near you they will have lists- also our library did 'singing' one morning that was great and you do often get the same faces there that are local and its a slower gentler way of meeting people...

Limy Mine loved pureed melon! When warm is smelt amazing!