How can I start enjoying motherhood?

[toptramp]

At the moment I resent it. I am a single mum and I am hating motherhood right now. I feel resentful. I really, really miss my old life; the opportunities, the travel, my career and social life. i love dd more than life itself but I have lost me. My mum is dying of cancer at the moment and I am grieving. I need the energy for me and cannpt give all to dd. I am snappy and shouty atm. I used to enjoy being a mum but would love a supportive dp. Is my life over? Will I get me back again? I certainly don't want any more dc as one is hard enough.

Didn't want this to go unanswered. I am so sorry you are going through such a horrible time. But as you yourself recognise, it is about your grief for your mother, not about your general capacity to enjoy motherhood. You and your dd will have many years to make up for this unhappy time, you will have time to travel and socialise and develop your career. Children do not have the same level of dependency when they are older- but they are just as fun. There will be light at the end of the tunnel!

Sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Your grief is natural and you should not beat yourself up about it and add feelings of guilt to the way you already feel. Give yourself time. You are a mother but you remain a person too with needs of your own and you shouldn't ignore them.

I felt the loss of my old life too when the dcs were born. At my worst moments when I did not enjoy being a parent at all, I found that if I acted like super mum it helped - actually imagining an audience there and that I was playing a role. So when I was really angry, I would deliberately talk in a soft sweet voice. If the dcs were being really naughty I would ask them very calmly and nicely to go upstairs. After a while some of it became habit and because I had learned not to be so snappy, I enjoyed it more.

big hugs to you toptramp. i have had a hugely difficult time adjusting to my DD, and i have a wonderful OH, so i can only imagine how much more magnified your experience must be without a partner and your mother not being well. you are doing so well just to be alive and getting up each day!!! please don't be hard on yourself, it is OK to not be enjoying mummyhood right now, so please don't feel guilty. I am SURE it won't last forever. i think we do lose a part of ourselves to begin with, as we are so overwhelmed by the restriction and adjustment (oh the mourning for the simplest of things like being able to go through a door without man-handling a pram at the same time!!), and we forget who we are in the absolute chaos, but as time goes on I'm definitely finding my feet more and more and feeling like me again. I am sure you will do too. Thanks to cory for reminding us there is a light at the end of the tunnel (and love GooseyLoosey's suggestion, might try that myself!) Hang on in there x x