No smacking? Do you allow them to learn violent sport?

[Anniek]

Been reading the other thread, and opinions were people have stated violence sets the example of violence being OK, how do you protect your child from bullies?

Do you allow your child to learn a sport such as martial arts, boxing or others that I know do not teach violence as a solution, but give you the skills to defend yourself which could involve hitting another human being?

My DS only 5 months, haven't really made a firm decision either way on how I will discipline would like to think I could use calm discussion based methods, but worry about the bully aspect, would not find it acceptable to allow my child to be bullied.

Yes I would allow this. Totally different IMO. Self defence skills are not the same as hitting/smacking.

DD will learn judo at school from Prep age (about 7 I think). I am happy for her to do this entirely.

Well I am such a bad mum

I do smack occasionally and my daughter does Kickboxing

Being violent to someone to stop them from being violent to you is completely different from hitting them to get what you want or stop them being irritating. No comparison at all. If my kids get hit I tell them to try to not hit back, tell an adult instead, but I don't expect my kids to be perfect about it (they're only human).

I wouldn't be wildly happy if my kids ever took up martial arts/boxing/whatever... but I'd let them if they were keen. All of those "disciplines" are disciplines, they have rules about how the "violence" should happen, and more importantly, the participants have agreed to accept the blows/"violence" under those rules.

Besides, martial arts especially, are mostly about how not to be violent, how to turn the other person's aggression back onto themselves -- how to deflect their anger & violence so that it doesn't hurt you & maybe even doesn't hurt anybody.

One of the most violent and aggressive boys in my son's year 1 goes to a Karate Club every weekend and uses what he has learned in the playground.
Hmph! So much for karate being about self control.

try aikido

You don't think the karate makes him violent, do you spidermama?

I reckon kids who are violent may be more interested (than average) in martial arts/boxing/similar... but if you want to achieve in boxing or martial arts (get the belts, all that) it takes a lot of discipline; & these activities can be a good way for aggressive kids to channel their anger constructively (& so can boxing, for that matter). Also, often these environments give the kids their only role models of men who can control & channel their "manliness" in constructive ways, too.

No zeb I think he's violent anyway. The Karate just gives him more tools.

The best person to address a trainee who is using his karate in that way is his teacher as violent use of the skill is frowned upon and he may respect his teacher

teaching your child to stand up for themselves, to have the confidence to say NO to bullies, speak up for their friends when being picked on etc can all be done without smacking your child or telling them that violence solves violence ffs.
Personally, I think suggesting that parents who do not smack their children and teach about the importance of non violence will have a problem teaching their children to stand up to bullies is just plain stupid - and possibly even an excuse used by some to help them feel better about their own behaviour. Violence is always a poor method of resolving problems - often creating more than it ever solves.
Anniek - I will not ever find it acceptable for my children to be bullied and hope that we teach them good enough life skills to help them prevent most bullying scenarios to ever happen and if they do to handle them effectively - without violence. I don?t believe I am naive or ignorant to think this. From years of teaching, I believe that hitting back is not successful by any means. Often leads to revenge and continuation of problem, complications of who is to blame - harder to resolve etc Also is downright dangerous as much bullying involves group bullying where one person responding in violence is sure to end in tears - or worse.
It is a sticky problem but don?t go thinking an old fashioned "punch them back" will make the bully go away. Much better to teach them about being safe, learning not to be a victim and how to say no, talk to an adult etc

DH is a black belt in karate and aikido and I have done both at a far more basic level. It's not about violence, it's about self-defence - there is no way that either of us would use what we know unless seriously threatened (and I've forgotten most of what I know anyway!).

DH says if a child's using what they have learnt at karate in the playground, the karate teacher doesn't command much respect or the child doesn't have the mental capability to understand it and should be removed from the class. Hard to do when not your child though!

He also said aikido wouldn't be much good for a young child - and I'm inclined to agree - it's too technique-oriented and can be very hard to get right if you're little.