'Is she good?' - what do people mean by that?

[emkaren]

Hi,
I have a daughter who is now nearly 8 weeks old, and when I'm out and about with her and people see her for the first time they always seem to ask 'Is she good?' and I just don't understand what they mean by that! Maybe it's because I'm foreign (German), but I'm just never sure how to answer that question. Do they mean 'Does she sleep well at night?' or 'Is she happy during the day?' or what?
Any ideas? What do you say to that question? (Apart from 'Yes, she's great', which is what I usually come up with)

now u mention it it is a weird thing to ask. i think it means 'is she a happy contented baby who lets u sleep?' or something like that.

I think I'm guilty of asking new mums this - mainly because my eldest son was such a nightmare. Yeah, I think pple just mean - does she cry a lot? Does she sleep well(ish)? Is she a difficult feeder? That sort of thing....I don't think its meant with any malice.....more a concern for how the first few nightmarish weeks are going!!

Yeah, people mean "does she sleep a lot and eat at nice intervals and sit in her chair / lie in her pram happily looking around while you get on with stuff". I hated this question - never wanted to say "no"! Here are some answers that I tried:

Yes, she's great
well, I think 'good' is a difficult concept for an 8-week-old to understand
yeah, she brought me breakfast in bed today and then did the washing up
No, she's awful (floods of tears)
Of course, what else could a baby of mine be?
Mmm, when she's good she's very very good ...
Oh yes, she's very good at getting her own way
We're working on it
She has her good days
Mm, she's completely adorable and I love her to bits although she's very tiring

Basically they're just making conversation aren't they? Like when they say "how are you?" and look shocked if you actually tell them.

The good news is that once she starts walking people no longer ask this question - they're sure the answer is no

Enjoy your good little baby!

I always just smiled and said yes. I didn't understand the question either - how can a baby be bad?

I found it an odd comment too. Never knew what to say

I think its a short hand way of asking how you are and how you are coping with motherhood

P.S.

Personally I think its nice that people bother asking...

My Grandma alway used to say "What do you know?" when I was little. I never worked out the answer to that one either.

i agree with lazyeye and lillysmum and is nice for people to ask

theres a pg woman at school due any minute and i was so cross with myself when I found myself saying "still here then" this morning.

ONly 6 months ago that was driving me NUTS!!

It is nice to be asked - I miss the attention I got when I was pregnant and when I had a newborn in the sling.

when people asked me that, I took it to mean "Does he sleep?" and the answer was at that stage definitely no, to which they always said, that's boys for you!

I used to get really worked up over my MIL who used to talk about how GOOD her boys were all the time. They slept through the night when 2 weeks old, potty trained by 3 weeks, cooked their mum a 3-course meal at 5 weeks and the list goes on and on......Of course, when you told her your baby was far from "good", she told you how it's all about showing them who's the boss and not let them twist you around your little finger.

Now, when people talk about their good babies I just smile politely and laugh an evil little laughter behind their backs....Just wait and see.....

ROFL

I hated that question partly because DD was a nightmare and I found it difficult to cope and adjust. I used to hate it especially from strangers or people I didn't know very well. It felt like I was admitting then that I couldn't cope and that I was a failure . I always took it to mean whether they cried a lot or how they slept - ie how easy going they were.

I found it really difficult with dd1 too, as people would say 'ooh, she looks so good' when she was slumbering in her buggy, ie stocking up on the sleep in order to wail at night. I used to say 'what do you mean, good?' or, on days when I was feeling particularly inferior, just 'no'.

I found it really difficult with dd1 too, as people would say 'ooh, she looks so good' when she was slumbering in her buggy, ie stocking up on the sleep in order to wail at night. I used to say 'what do you mean, good?' or, on days when I was feeling particularly inferior, just 'no'.

How about answering "Well, she's very good at being a baby"

Very rarely got asked 'is she good?' with dd as she was always crying. Instead people opted for the other favourite 'is she hungry?' which really used to get my back up but to which I always replied 'yes, probably' whilst sceaming 'no, she's just a miserable baby and I'm a rubbish mum who can't make her stop' inside my head.

This is definitely just a way of asking how the mum & baby are getting on in general, as specifics are harder. I suppose at times I could have run & slit my wrists when people said ds looked good, after being kept awake & feeding round the clock.

My grandma-in-law always said

• you've got to rule them, or they'll rule you.
• how could you hurt 'em, eh? How could you hurt 'em? (well actually, I try to avoid it)
• it's not spoiling 'em, it's loving them. seem to be a bit contradictory, but like all the other comments - meant with best intentions

I could have written metrobaby's post ... I took it to mean "Is he a contented baby?" and I wanted to scream "No! He is bloody awful ... and I want to send him back!"
No one can seriously think that it means 'good' or 'bad' can they??

I think it often means "does it cry a lot and not sleep" and is a hangover from when people thought these things were within a baby's control either way and indicated their basic nature. But it's probably also just a reflex "how are you doing with this bizarre motherhood thang?" code question half the time these days.

It has always struck me as a strange question to ask about a baby. I think 'good' here means behaving in a way that would suit you (ie not crying much, sleeping a lot), and is about as far away from a child-centred view as you can get. DD is 9 months old and I realise that I haven't been asked this for a while. Now the standard question is 'Is she X-ing yet?', where X is crawling, teething etc. Perhaps some people just don't know what to ask about when the baby is very young.

My solution emkaren - is to just give 'em all the details, it certainly teches those who just want a quick 'yes'!