I have no idea how to discipline my children how do you keep them in line?

[NotInTheMood]

my children and 3 and 6 years and generally they are well behaved. When they are naughty i do shout and tell then why they have been naughty and why mummy is upset and they shouldn't do it again.This normally is enough to make them realise and say sorry . But lately my 6 year old is testing his boundaries, he never's listens and I mean never. I will ask him nicely to do something, then again more firmly but in the end I end up shouting like a mad women because he is so frustrating as he seems to do the complete opposite. I think i get angry even more for him making me shout i don't want to shout at him all the time.i do try to make things into a game like the first person to tidy up or get to the top of the stairs for bed but even that is having no effect on him.

newfashionedmum - I just worry so much I will damage my children. We have lots of good times and I do love them so much, it is so hard sometimes

My ds has taken to telling me he hates me and that I am a mean mummy. I know I should rise above it but it gets to me (I suppose I have always suffered low self esteem which doesn't help). I have friends who seem so relaxed about it all, I just worry, worry and worry.

I think with my ds there is a bit of jealousy surrounding my dd.

Yes she does chatter incessently

Just re-read your original post.
I understand the going to the park thing but perhaps you should vary your routine, and head home after school ?
The main thing is to be calm and at the point when you really want to scream (and I've got 3 kids aged 5, 7 and 9 and they do make me mad) you have to go and plump cushions or rearrange the curtains or make ourself a cup of tea whether you want one or not, just simply to diffuse the situation.
My star charts do not focus on things like 'Not fighting with my brother' but rather things like 'I come downstairs happily, I go to school cheerfully etc' and then somehow the bad things stop happening because they focus on the positive goals. My 7 year old commented that I didn't put on the chart 'I will not fight' and I said I didn't think it was necessary because if he got his stars for the 4 things I had written for each day, he wouldn't need to worry about fighting. I usually write 4 goals and then hope that they can maintain 3 each day but they are very simple goals.
And then a reward : ours is 15 stars (average of 3 over 5 days) = magazine from newsagents
Good luck.

In answer to the testosterone question - yes.
Biddulph says they have surges at various points in their development when they get unbelievably stroppy. I can't remember the exact details, but it goes on until about 14 years old I think.

My mother-in-law had 3 boys bless her, and she read the book and said "If only I had read this when I was raising my three - he has it exactly right".

But it certainly explains agression.

yes my ds can be very aggressive. I try to wake up with a smile for him but sometimes he just comes into my room in a difficult mood and whatever I say turns into a battle

aww addressbook don't judge yourself so harshly, that's what the mners on AIBU are there for !

My DD has said some really horrible things to me - but then 10 minutes later thinks i'm the best mum in the world. I have explained to her its ok to feel really angry with someone but you still love them - some children struggle with the idea that you can be cross at them (and they with you) but still love them - perhaps some reassurance on that?

jealousy must be hard - i've not had to deal with it - but there will be loads of others who can advise on that. the fact you're worrying means you're conscientious too - so all is not lost. We of course do shape our kids for better and worse but at least you can look back and know you tried hard - which is all you'd expect from them as they grow.

I know what you meana bout the How to Talk book. You just have to dop in and out of these books, not read the whole thing. SOmetimes it just helps to get a fresh start, and we all know it's not rocket science what they say, but sometimes you feel lost and I find that these books can ground me again.
Try the Christopher Green one - just the first few pages sum it all up nicely.
The main messages in all books are the same: kids need lots of attention, and attention of the right kind.
We all have bad days. The fact that anyone is on here writing about worrying about messing it all up shows that you care and you are a good parent.
About a week ago I was in same situation, but we've managed to ride the storm and are back into positive parenting again.
CHildren forgive and forget very quickly. You might feel terrible about your parenting, but they move on, and wake up the next day and it's a clean slate. Take a leaf out of their book and try to see tomorrow as a fresh start.

My 7 year old was coming into the bedroom and shouting most mornings.
I decided to have a new system.
5 mins cuddle in bed to start the day.
Fab new MORNING star chart with new stickers - goals were:
-get dresesd nicely
-come downstairs happily
-brush teeth carefully
-go to school cheerfully
I figured if we had a good start to the day then we would both feel better.
It's been really helpful. Now my other 2 kids want a star chart!

You must not beat yourself up. Parenting is hard.

babar might be right there - transitions are often triggers for strops, so once you've got them moving keep going. Or maybe could be a consequence 'if you don't come straight home now i won't be able to let you come to the park tomorrow because i don't want us to keep having these arguments' BUT you have to stick to it and show you mean it!!

sorry if you already do this but do you have a drink and a snack ready in the playground when you pick DS up? blood sugar really low at that time of day so water and a carb snack (not too sugary - breadsticks or fruit or something similar) can stave off meltdowns.

testing boundries - lets see if we can get mummy to shout, how many time will she ask me to do something before she shouts at me. I take the guess three times, now lets see

Oh shit mummy has moved the goal posts and stopped my favourite treat, silly me now thats not a good game, better to do what I am told as I don't want favourite treats stopped

yes off to bed now. Your kind words and tips have really helped and tomorrow is another day.

I did telly my ds that he will get angry at me and may not even like me very much sometimes, but it does not mean he doesn't love me. Sometimes it is hard to try and put yourself in their shoes and imagine how they are thinking, working things out.

I do need to work on my own self-esteem as well. I know I could be a better and more positive parent if I believed in myself more

Will update tomorrow

Yes, we have an emergency banana available at all times
Peanut butter bagel is my 7 year old's fav and he still always eats his dinner an hour and half later

I'm off to bed too. Night night

He may be really tired from school and then playing at the park. Maybe try to get home straight away, early tea and then quiet time in room reading and playing with both of them there. This is a new thing I am trying with mine as I actually think they are exhausted by the evening and need to calm down!! Also, I find if I get dinner, bath etc. done early then I am less stressed and we can all relax a bit together otherwise I don't get any quality time with them.

uh... your children are 7??? i am already having a hard time with my 2.5 years old!!!!! cant imagine how bad it will be when hell be 7!!

the shouting is giving him lots of attention for bad behaviour. best to give attention for good behaviour if you can. also stick to any time limits you give - don't give extra. give rewards for good behaviour - ie - screen time/ice cream etc .. agree he sounds exhausted though. early bed maybe?

i do try and give instructions (very calm and close up with good firm eye contact) and then just wait till they are followed. I don't leave but simply stand thier reminding them gently like a parrot.