mums of three yr olds please help

[carly82]

i have 2ds my eldest is three (only just in october) and i am having a nightmare with him. If i put him on the toilet in the night b4 bed as part of his routine he will go -only wee though. But if i try at any other time inthe day he flatly refuses. He wont tell me if he has gone or needs to go. And that goes for both wee and poo. Surely at three he should be able to tell me when he needs to go or at least when he is gone? It is getting to the point that i cant even put him in nursery or playgroup cos they wont take him if he isnt dry. The only playgroup i found that would take him said that if he 'soiled himself' i would be called and expected to collect him immediatley no good when the playgroup was twenty minute drive away. any help or advice would be greatly recieved as i dont know what else to do. Thanks for reading my v v long post

One thing I found that helped with my son was that I let him choose his own potty when we went to the supermarket. It was blue and had a monkey on it and so it became his 'monkey potty' and he seemed to take a pride in using it then because it wasd just his. I even got an identical one for nursery to keep for him to use there.

Could that work for your son?

Also - I didn't even try getting him to use the adult toilet until he'd mastered the potty. We let him use the potty anywhere he needed to and he particularly liked weeing standing up.

Hope this helps xx

thanks witchycat
he doesnt use the potty wont go near it for some reason so he just went straight on the toilet. (i bought a toddler seat to go on it) my 2ds is 17 months and is already aware when he has gone as he will lie down and say poo. I understand that children vary in development but this has been going on for nearly a year and am at the end of my tether

If you've only tried one potty I would definately see if he's interested in a new one next time you go shopping. My ds took an instant dislike to the first one we presented him with but loved the one he chose himself.

I assume you've done all the usual making a big deal stuff when he gets it right? I mean, making a really big deal of it - we even rang the grandparents so he could tell them he'd used the potty. He loved all the praise.

yeah every night i tell him how good he is and how proud i am but still if i try in the day he wont go and the second his pull ups are on he goes i even praise him for just sitting there but he cant wait to get off

Have you read books to him that feature potty's like "I want my potty!" - they worked subliminally on my dd

Have you ever just taken the pull ups off and used pants for a week or so?

OK my non-expert opinion! I believe you just have to DECIDE it's happening. So forget the pull-ups and for a good couple of days or even a week, leave him as undressed as you can so that he's not wetting anything (other than the floor!!). Then keep him in his big boy pants (not pull ups which I feel are too much like nappies)having talked to him to prepare him about how he's allowed to have them now he's three, etc.

When he wets himself or pants, just mop up calmly. I told my son he should use the loo for his pee pee but just in a conversational tone, not blaming or focussing on it.

And the main thing is just don't focus on it at all. It's REALLY not important. It's highly unlikely to be going on when he's five so it taking a little longer than other kids, so what. At three kids are quite contrary and attention seeking so it may have become attention for him?

Go to GP or health visitor if it carries on for what feels too long. Good luck!!!!!

Oh, also meant to say, perhaps try not sitting him on the loo at all. SOOOO BORING!! He gets to associate toilet training with feeling bored and forced to sit still!

Better to just let him play and yes I guess for the first while he will just pee himself - but then he has felt the sensation, won't like it and then may 'get' that it's better to take himself off when he needs it.

dexter

That's what I meant but you said it so much better than me!!

Thanks Clayhead xx I HATE pull-ups, I just think they confuse kids, and they're lets face it just a profit making exercise for the nappy companies! Pants were good enough in the past!!

Carly82, i was in the same situation as you in august, he was 3.1month and just not interested. In the end I just said "No more nappies" and for 2 days kept reminding him that he should sit (if he did sit he got a little haribo bear sweet, 2 for a wee, 3 for a poo) on the potty. After 1 day of no pees or poos in potty, day 2 was mostly in potty, day 3 he had the hang of it and 2 weeks later was in pants for trips out etc. For me, I had to just decide that it was going to happen and keep my cool until it did.

Looking back, i'm so glad that we waited because he has a much bigger bladder holding capacity, so can hold for ages. We managed a 6 hour trip in the car last week with just one stop, and have never had an accident whilst out.

I wish you all the luck, you will crack it, just like I did.

PS. when he turned 3, i was positive his 8 month old baby sister would be trained before him!

Just recently it was my dd who I trained within a week. We went shopping for big girl pants and vests that she chose, a toilet seat and I bought a potty training chart from ebay with characters on it, dd chose the stickers for the chart from ELC. We had about 3 accidents in total but we solved that by buying a portable potty from mothercare, which we have even used in the middle of the high st, lol I used to take her to toliet every so often and then after an accident she just started asking for pee pee etc. She is now nearly 30m and dry at night also. Good Luck.

some potty books for kids

There seems to be a problem with that link as it doesn't reference the page I want, but if you scroll down to the bottom and select the line which says potty book for boys by A Frankel it will take you there

Or rather "Once Upon A Potty - Boys"

ds3 is almost 3 and is exactly the same as yours carly. I spoke to the HV regarding him just this morning and she has said what another poster advocated doing. Put him in proper pants and see how he goes for about 10 days. He needs to know what it feels like to be wet and/or soiled beefore he gets the message. I am trying it from this afternoon....will let you know how it goes.

My DD seemed to be embarrassed about doing a poo in front of of anyone (me included).I found that if I sat he on the potty and said I'd wait just outside the door, she relaxed and would go no probs. . . . .also we made a Poo song (Cheesy but it worked)which went along to the tune of the conga!!!! Do you have any friends/relations with kids of a similar or slightly older age? If you have it can be really useful if your ds sees them use the pot/toilet and get praised for it .. . .it might help them feel a bit less embarrased. Good luck Anyhoo

first of all just wanted to say a huge thanks for your messages
i think the idea of wearing normal pants is a good one. You are so right about them, i hate buying them cos they are so expensive and dont really do the job cos to the children they feel the same as nappies.
I will buy some pants this week and let you all know how i get on

carly82

Why don't ypu try joining or starting a potty training thread here? I lurked on one in the summer and it was fantastic help for me. It helps if you can see how other people are going on too.

I honestly don't think it's worth the upset of pushing them if they really are'nt ready. I put ds3 in proper pants today, he woke up from his nap dry but then did 2 wees in his pants and wasn't in the slightest bit bothered. I got really stressed with it and put a nappy back on him and he promptly did a poo in it.

I have decided to leave it til after xmas when he will be 3. It's too much hassle and I can't be doing with it.