Am i wrong to expect help?

[GREATauntymandy]

not sure where this should go. but i am on my endless round of picking up tidying away etc.
I know i am very ucky to be able to stay at home. I also know i didnt have children to turn them in to slaves for me. But I am tired of picking up bun wrappers empyt drinks bottles, putting lids on things i havent used. pairing sox etc etc.
Am i wrong to expect them to do a bit around the house?

Not at all. I believe that as part of growing up (and in doing so, learning to be an adult) kids should learn to put things away. It's all about personal responsilbility and respect for others and your surroundings.

You're their mum, not their servant.

i think for them to pick upo after themselves and tidy is reasonable. not ironing or hoovering etc though! (unless the spilt the crisps on purpose etc!! LOL)

cx

No, you arent wrong and i think its good for kids to learn these things from a young age.

I do it with my DD (she is 2.7yrs old) and we play the tidy up game adn she loves me giving her stuff to do - especially if i ask her to put something in the bin for me - its a peddle bin so i think thats why.

She likes to pick up the cups and mugs and put them in the sink (clang/ouch sometimes!).

I hated helping my mum but i have to say i believe it to be that we were only given chores to do as a punishment when we had been naughty.

its the older ones. they just dont see why they should.
The one that is nearly 3 helps me unload dishwasher, helps tidy his toys (sometimes0 but the older ones always have something better to do.
Sorry feeling fed up today so haveing a moant to you nice people!

thats having a moan!!!

ah yes. the older ones. Does bribery not help?

sometimes! but I shouldnt have to should i.
DS2 emptied the rubish out of his school bag either into the car or the lounge floor and doesnt seem to get why i am upset about it!

I get annoyed about this too GAM. My kids drop litter, leave their cuttings and scrumpled up artwork and drop their clothes wherever they happen to be standing ... but only at home! They don't behave like this at school or at anyone else's house.

I'm on a campaign to get them to be more responsible for their own stuff, otherwise I spend my whole day picking up after them.

Mine are older too and I find it very hard to get them to do things without shouting at them first. I think the key to it is maybe to make it a regular thing, possibly even at a regular time (eg they always clear their dishes away after breakfast/always tidy up for 10 minutes before bed) and also, to get them to do things beofer starting the things they want to do. eg mine are alwasy wanting to go on the computer so I say they can, after they have done x.

I am going to have to ban TV pc etc. Maybe I need to toughen up.
I have let them off too often because...sigh .. no excuse, but, their Dad never showed much interest and was quite negative, so I was Mrs Softy when they were little. Then I finally leftt their Dad so I wanted to make home as nice as possible and thought if they mibehaved was my fault for disrupting family life. NJow i want them to do stuff theu just dont!

i look at it this way. its my absolute duty as a parent to socialise my children. they wouldn't throw wrappers on the street and expect somoene else to pick them up.

no reason why they should treat their home like a shithole. we all have responsabilities through life and i honestly dont think your doing them any favours in the long run.

i give mine a regular job. at the moment my daughter cleans the kitchen sides and my son cleans the fonrt room/dining room floor and sides. my oldest son hoovers the landing and stairs. they are the regular jobs. i ask them to do other things too.

sometimes they get pissed off with their jobs and swap with each other - grass is greener and all that they think that bro or sis has an easier job.

job shouldn't last more than 20 mins or they get pissed off.

sometimes we re - think the job so they may wish to wash the pans after tea instead of current job or something else - my job is to make sure its fair - that everyone has an equalish job.

also they each wash their plates and wash mine and dh's plate as we cook/wash the dishes.

NO
it is not wrong to expect them all to muck in.

I have specific jobs like dd3 puts dishes away
ds1 takes clothes piles upstairs

I try to be fair with the jobs around the house.

I expect their rooms to be clean and tidy and all dirty uniforms down by saturday lunchtime or they do it themselves.

You are not a maid.

I dont think you are wrong at all.... i expect my children (from about 2) to put their own things in the bin, and help tidy up their toys etc.

I figure, i do the "main" things... like make dinner / serve it / clear the table and load dishwasher.... BUt if they want a snack they can at least bring the snack plate to the kitchen as well...

If we have been playing playdough for example they are both expected to help put all the playdough in the pots, and tools etc in that box.... but i sweep the floor and dettox the table cloth afterwards IUSWIM

Im also not their slave.... if they want it they can go and get it themselves (unless they cant reach wherre they know they can ask nicely and i will pass it to them etc)

At the end of a play session we ALL help clear away the toys. My theory is they are only 2 and 5.... as long as they are genuinely helping and not messing around thats good enough for me, even if I put away 3/4 of it myself... I feel its the effort that counts not the end result.

We may also decide for example to do painting "after playroom is tidy", 1 may tidy away pens into pencil case, other dolls clothes and me tea set.

We are also quite tidy and dont normally have too many things out at once, (tho obvioulsy we dont restrict play.... if dolls are having a picnic we have the buggies, the dolls, the tea set, the toy food, the kitchen all at the same time etc!) this keeps things in order and makes tidying very quick and easy!

age-appropriate 15,13,11,2.5 and 13 mo9nths

It's time to get the black bin bags out for the older three!! If they refuse to do it, give them a warning then gather up their stuff in the bags and dump it in the garage/shed/bedroom.

ds 3 loves cleaning and tidying. He cleaned the loo while I was on phone last night unfortunatly without flushing it first ...

I'd have gone stark raving mad looking after so may children and clearing up after them!
Custardo is right-you are doing them a favour. The oldest three should be contributing significantly.

At 9/10 we were tidying,sweeping,washing up and even pumping water (seriously!) and bringing in firewood for the stove.

You make your childhood sound like Laura Ingalls Wilder's Moondog!

When I left home to go to uni, I didn't know how to cook food for myself (I'd never even made my own packed lunches), had never done the washing or ironing or hoovering or any cleaning. And looking back, I actually resent the fact that I was so unprepared for life. My mum did everything for me, moaned about it constantly, and failed to teach me how to do any of it. I'm not going to do that to my kids!

now I feel guilty!!
I do ask them to do stuff, we have constant rows about it.

When I left home to go to Drama school I was shocked at how little idea my flatmates had about how to clean, cook a basic meal, wash up and take care of their own laundry.

All of my children help around the house, obviously to a differant degree depending on their age and abilities.

Jamie 13 and Susan 11 take turns to wash up, they also both do a large part of their own ironing.

Rosie 8 often tidies the living room and bathroom, clears the table and lays the table.

Henry 5 (Special Needs) throws things away for you, clears his stuff from the table and makes his own bed.

They all put their own clothes away, help with hanging the washing out.

Its good for them.

I need to get tough!