How quickly can PND happen?

[michelleseashell]

Or is this just sleep deprivation and the effects of constant noise?

I was feeling top of the world for the first four months after having my baby. Now I've suddenly become a mess. I feel like I'm having a breakdown.

Every day he's started making this constant noise. I don't know why. He's not in pain. I think he's just realised he can make sounds. But he's easily frustrated too so unless I sit with him the noise gets louder and louder until he suddenly bursts into tears. He's stopped sleeping at night. He was only waking up once or twice and now it's every hour and he screams if I put him in his cot so he has to sleep with me and I can barely doze off with him there because of the awkward position I have to lie in.

Anyway, I've started to feel like I'm going insane. I've been hiding in the next room from him with both of us crying. The noise from him is making me feel ill. Even when he's happy now it's got the point where I just want to put my hands over my ears so I can't hear it. I've begged him to please stop. It's so bad that I've hit my head because I just can't stand it anymore. He won't let me put him down but he doesn't want me to pick him up either.

I don't get any sleep at night and I feel like crying every morning. The house is getting more and more untidy and looking at the mess is making me feel sick.

I can't eat. I don't have time. I get so hungry that I feel like I might pass out but whenever I go in the kitchen the thought of washing a plate and making a sandwich makes me feel so exhausted that I just leave without eating anything.

My husband works late every night and I don't have any family that can help. It's just me on my own every day. And now I don't even want to see anyone. I just want to hide. It's too hard to get an appointment at my doctors. I've called but they're always booked and say call tomorrow morning but I'm too tired to think about it in the mornings.

All this has happened in about ten days. Am I depressed? I just want the noise to stop and to lie down somewhere quiet and dark for a while. I've started to get hysterical over it and get thoughts about ending it all so I can sleep.

Please help someone

Just read your thread. Sorry you're up in the night. I have been struggling with PND too. Started on AD's last week after much deliberation. No improvement so far & I am just crushingly tired. I totally relate to everything you've said. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Good luck with the doc's appointment & hope you're feeling yourself again soon. Now go & get some sleep on the sofa!

OP :( You need someone you can talk to and sleep (it's so important IMO)

It is hard when you have good days, makes the dips seem worse, but make sure you remember this feeling so it will give you the courage to make that appointment. Do you have another bed you can set up?

Wheesht I believe it takes a few weeks for them to take effect.

OP, I didn't have time to read all the answers, but I just wanted to give you a big un-MN hug. I can relate so much to what you're saying, my DS1 is 15 weeks and I have very low days. I also started crying once when changing his nappy, and there are days when I feel so tired I could sob. And this is with a very helpful DH... no wonder you feel so overwhelmed.

I am also bf-ing but because DS is a snacker and only eats little and often from the breast, I am expressing and giving him his milk in a bottle. At night though he started to eat every 2 hours and we used to co-sleep all night, but now I'm getting so tired I actually worry I might suffocate him so try to settle him in his cot, which takes longer and means less sleep for me.

You are not alone and please be gentle on yourself. Is there any way you can get even a couple of hours a week without your DS, and just sleep/have a walk/sit on the sofa, or whatever you want to do? We love our DCs to bits, but no-one prepares you for the sheer exhaustion and the relentlessness of it all.

Sorry for a not very helpful post, but I just wanted to say that you are not the only one to feel like this. Is there a support thread anywhere on MN for PND sufferers? xx

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that others are feeling the same. It is just too much. Did things start off ok for you and then it suddenly hit you or have you been feeling bad since pregnancy?

For me, today still feels like yesterday and the day before and the day before. That bit where you go to sleep and wake up with a new day is gone. I feel like I'm alive forever.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but my husband thinks he is being helpful. That's the problem. He really tries but he does stuff like cook dinner in the evening, but then leaves the most extraordinary mess. Or he says he'll go and sleep in the spare room if he gets woken up so me and David can have the big bed and then he just lies there snoring all night while I'm up. He really thinks he's doing me these massive favours but he just doesn't realise how serious it is. Like last night I woke him up and started telling him I didn't have any room and I hadn't slept and he said yeah but this and laughed at everything I said like it was preposterous that he could've known that I was struggling. I struggle every single night. I don't feel like I can ask him to do more because he treats me like i'm being silly because didn't he do this and this and this. I feel like a right shit saying yes but that's not enough. Oh I'm babbling now. It's complicated. He's lovely and I don't want to hurt his feelings but he makes things harder for me by accident and then won't listen even if I do mention it is the gist of it I guess.

PND is not rational. I've never come do close to wanting divorce dh than in those first few months. Everything was wrong. I honestly thought everyone else had an easier baby, a more helpful husband, more supportive friends. It didn't matter a damn he'd get up and do a bottle, he'd do it wrong. It didn't matter he'd walk around endlessly with our screaming child. He wasn't doing it right.

Posted that before finishing! Anyway little parts of the day got easier. There were little glimmers of nice things again, I laughed a bit more, slept a bit more, went out a bit more. I went back to work part time Then here we are 18 months on, and everyone sleeps 7-7. Dh is out at a fitness class, I'm off out tonight with mates. It's like I'm myself again. I definitely have bad days, but it doesn't consume me.

In answer to your last post my PNG came along after about 4 months or so. Up until then I?d been feeling quite good about it all. By six months I wasn?t well at all, luckily I was spotted by a HV and got some very good help.

I saw my doctor and ended up doing group counselling , terrifying but a life saver.

Things have changed a bit because new rules apparently mean that HV?s are no longer able to refer mothers to groups outside the NHS (at least that is how it works in this area), so it might be worth asking what is available in your area and making yourself self refer if you can.

The group I went to gave some support to DH?s too, luckily DH took on board what they had to say and he was better able to help me.

This web-site may help. Set up by a PND counsellor/adviser on PND. www.postnataldepression.com/home

I hope you have some luck with the Dr?s soon, if the receptionist asks if it is an emergency appt do not be afraid to say that it is.

Don?t feel guilty. We?re under so much pressure to provide the perfect environment for our little babies but the reality is that wee David won?t remember any of this.

Thanks the group sounds good. Bit scary though. I'm so used to convincing everyone (and myself) that everything is fine.

Today was a really bad day. No sleep last night. He's refused all naps. It's got to the point where he will only sleep while being fed and when I try to creep away afterwards. his sensors go off and he starts screaming for me. He's screamed himself hoarse today even though I only left him for ten minutes so I could quickly microwave some leftovers for myself.

I got hysterical again today. I just can't live like this.

Michelleseashell, sweetie, I wish I was near you so I could come round. I too have had PND and all the feelings you are having now, and it is just awful awful awful. I am better now and you will be too. There will be bad days and good days, and gradually the good days will get more and the bad days fewer until gradually you become yourself again.

You need some sleep. Is DH there now? Does David take a bottle? If it is at all possible, tonight is the night that DH has David all night in the spare room so you get some sleep, or at least to lie down on your own.

Have you been out today? Is there any way you can take a quick walk round the block? I used to do that when I was getting frantic- just needed to be out and without my baby.

I'm going to find some links for you too.

Hi. So sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.

I've got PND and started taking anti-depressants 4 weeks ago, which I didn't want to do but had run out of things to try. The first two weeks weren't nice, but now things have really got better. It's not all plain sailing but definitely more good days than bad. Do try and get to your doctors asap and accept the help on offer.

The most useful thing you can do to help yourself is get some sleep. Could your husband feed him using expressed milk for a couple of nights a week? I'm sure he won't want to, but it sounds like you've got to the stage where you need some heavyweight support. Does he know how low you are feeling?

Failing that, do you have the money to get a night nurse to look after your son for a few nights in a row? It's pricey, but it you really have no one else who can step in then it's a good option to help get you back on your feet.

And when you do have the opportunity to get even a short nap, how easy are you finding it to fall asleep? I would lie awake waiting for DS to start crying and found it impossible to switch off. The anti-depressants have really helped in that respect.

I really hope you're able to get some support and some sleep. Keep us posted on how you're doing. HTH.

Oh, and I also meant to say that crying will not hurt him. When DS had colic (9 weeks of it) I fed him, changed him, cuddled him and then sometimes put him in his cot (crying) , made a coffee and went to sit in the garden where I couldn't hear him until I'd finished the coffee. It saved my sanity and didn't do him any harm.

And another thing (sorry for the repeat posts!) maybe you should get your DS checked out by the doctor. Perhaps he has reflux or something that could be dealt with and then he might settle again? Worth looking into.

Sorry you had a bad day.

I was amazing at hiding my PND, no one except two very close friends knew until I was able to talk about it afterwards.

Is there any chance that you would be able to have the spare bed tonight while DH looked after the baby so you can sleep?

You could try and get an appointment for Monday, it might give you some progress to look forward to iyswim. Don't worry about preparing, your Dr will know what questions to ask. Tell them your score from the Edinburgh test, they will know where to go from there.

Alternatively could you book a telephone appointment with your doctor? The surgeries I have been at have done them, you don't have to leave the house then....

Waiting lists for counselling can be really long, so it's really important that you get on them ASAP. I totally recognise the bit about not wanting to go to the doctor because the surgery is too hectic and it's too difficult to get an appointment. I made excuse after excuse not to go. It is really important to go though to get yourself "into the system". What's the best way to do that? Is it to ring and ring? to turn up and not go away? to give the receptionist a letter saying "I have PND, I really must see Doctor X asap please". Please please do this on Monday.

Also I am picking up the bit where you say you don't have friends with babies. Social isolation is a killer. Here's someone else in Leicester finding it tough and posting on another forum. and here's the local Mumsnet in case you haven't found that yet and also your local NCT- you don't need to be a member and you can go to teas in other people's homes. Remember you only need to meet one person you 'click' with.

You absolutely must look after yourself Michelleseashell, please please promise to eat properly, without that it is going to get worse and worse.

Remember, leaving him to cry for a few minutes while you eat or pull yourself together, is OK. He is not on fire and he will cope. Imagine if you had an older child you had to attend to - sometimes David would need to wait his turn.

Here's a good leaflet too.

Hope tonight is a better night- let us know.

I've been admitted to a psychiatric unit twice for PND, with each baby. I stayed a month first time and two months the second time.

Can I just ask you - please don't be offended - can anyone else hear this noise your baby is making? Does your husband hear it? Has your MIL mentioned it?

I would also strongly advise you not to discount medication and medical help. You wouldn't dismiss taking medication for a physical problem would you? I tried three drugs before I found one which worked for me and it was as revelatory as pain relief. It's dangerous to listen to people who tell you what you do and don't need who don't even know you. You may not need anti-depressants. You may need nothing. You may need something else. I needed anti-psychotics for an acute period.

Please see your GP. Get your husband to phone them and ask for an emergency appointment and ask for an urgent referral to a perinatal mental health team. You need to be assessed and helped.

I saw my GP in the morning after my mum forced me there and was in hospital by the same afternoon. Not that I'm saying you need hospital but you can have access to services you just have to see them. Don't leave it up to a HV.

Also - and I know I'll get shot down for this - one of the best pieces of advice I would give to a mum struggling as much as I did and like you michelleseashell is to give up the breastfeeding. You've done it for four months but the best thing now for you and the baby is for you to sleep. You need to get your husband doing a good run of night feeds. Get yourself a decent run of night time sleep. Not snatches here and there in the day. This is serious stuff and you must look at the holistic picture. Sleep is paramount for a depressed new mum.

My first baby never slept. You had to be there to believe it. She just constantly fed, screamed if put down, cried that colicy cry for hours and hours every evening. I wished she'd die. I asked for her to be adopted. I thought she was some kind of vessel for evil spirits.

What is happening to you is not unusual.

Agree with razzle. Bf at this point sounds like it's farming you more by depriving you of sleep. This could outweigh any benefit David is receiving. He needs you to be well.

Farming you??? I meant harming, although tbh it's not the most innapropriate description!

No I don't mind the suggestion about quitting breastfeeding. It's physical contact more than actual feeding he's after. He falls asleep with me and then wakes up as soon as I try to leave, which has been getting worse and worse for the last few weeks. He's just desperate to be with me.

Other people can hear his noise, yes. I made loads of videos of him during the first few days of it because it was so ridiculous. It doesn't bother anyone else like it bothers me though. It's utterly unbearable to me.

How are you today?

How are you doing? Getting some sleep right now I hope.

My PND started when my DS was about 5 months, he is now 10 months. He's my second - DD is 2.9. I had been doing really well - we live overseas so no family nearby & friends all coping with their own second babies. Then DH had a really busy stretch at work & I think that's what triggered things for me. I stopped felling that I could cope with my toddler & the rest has been well described above.

I know what you mean about the doctor's waiting room - I was totally freaked out & in tears on two occasions. But make that appointment & go. I was surprised at the relief in being able to talk about it & I do now have hope that things are going to get better. I guess I feel like I'm the only one who can do something about my situation. DH is feeling very shut out right now but there's not enough of me to go round & I think I need to put myself higher up the priority list for a few weeks. Sorry, rambling!

BTW I think Oneof4 makes a good point - have you taken David to the GP to look into reflux?

Today and yesterday were much better. He's been much quieter and slept a little better. I feel a bit more stable. Today I managed to do some shopping and cook dinner.

It's definitely a good suggestion looking into whether he has anything wrong. He doesn't seem to be crying in pain but I'm going to take him in to see the nurse this week.

Good. But make that appointment for yourself too OK?

I will. I've spoken to the doctors and they've said they'll be doing prebookable appointments again in a couple of weeks. Thank you for worrying. How are you getting along?

How is everyone else coping too?

I'm actually feeling pretty good today. Hoping that the AD's are starting to help. I really didn't want to take them but felt I had reached a point where I had to try. Will let you know how I get on with them. Take care.