I have a 5yr old and a 6 week old the 6 week old is driving me mad with crying and feel Im not doing enough with my 5yr old HELP!!

[Scruffyhound]

I have a 5yr old son and a 6 week old son. My 6 week old son cries on and off during the day this I can cope with but crying in the evening for 3 to 4 hours solid around 5/6 to 9 pm. I understand it might be colic but this is driving me mad its every day. And today I have had excessive crying in the day. I have tried soothing him and doing things like that. Tonight I resorted to leaving him to cry as I could not cope. I was loooking up things to try one was leaving him to cry for 10 ins then go back settle him down then leave for 10 mins again. This is not nice and I did it for 3 times. Then partner picked him up and brought him down stairs this then broke it. He made some milk but he did not get chance to drink it as he fell a sleep. Hes been up all day from 7am to 9pm with 2 20 min naps. He needs more sleep I tried to settle him today but he had none. I was concerned about over tiredness. In the mean time I feel like a shit mum for leaving my 5yr old son all day to entertain his self as I have been with baby all day sorting him out. Any breaks I got I made lunch and breakfast. Any suggestions would be great! I had none of these issuses with my first son accept sometimes crying but not everynight and a simple cuddle and sway worked before putting him to sleep. I also have the issue of making sure my 5yr old gets attention. Would be nice to say right 7pm baby a sleep and give my 5yr old some attention for an hour before bed.

Congratulations on DS2! Crikey the early days of little babies is HARD WORK so you have my enormous sympathies.

DS2 was very 'hard work' and it is only now at 10.5 months that he has blossomed into a happy, content child! I am not writing this to alarm you but to make you aware that, personally, I don't buy the 'colic' tag. A really believe that an unsettled baby is unsettled because there is something upsetting them. However, in my experience, GPs are very unsympathetic and unsupportive.

The most obvious reasons that a baby may be unsettled are: dry/wet nappy, correct temperature, well fed and well rested. If those are being addressed (you mention that he is not sleeping/napping well) then please bear in mind the symptoms of silent reflux.

DS1 was diagnosed at 4 months after 4 months of hellish 'colic' behaviour. DS2 was diagnosed at 3 weeks and his meds are finally established (in terms of the correct medicines and correct dosage), hence why he is blossoming.

Signs of 'silent reflux' are:
*Back arching while feeding
*Only able to consume a 1-2 ounces at a time.
*screaming
*needing to suck (both DC had to suck heavily on a dummy between sucks on the bottle)
*unsettled
*terrible wind (really difficult to wind)

Tips that helped DC to settle:
DS2 would only settle on his tummy (I bought an Angelcare breathing monitor for my own peace of mind)
Swaddling (although DS2 hated it!)
Dummy
Heavy bum patting to get to sleep!
Cot/moses basket on an angle (put book at one end or a pillow under the mattress)

I would say that at 6 weeks, a baby needs to sleep every 1.5-2 hours during the day. Perhaps you could get a rocker/swing and when you have fed him put him in a calm place in the room (i.e. not too much stimulation) and let him settle to sleep? Hopefully the rocking will calm him, keep him upright (important in reflux) and enable him to drift off.

Anyway, a few ideas and I hope some other suggestions come along soon xx

Hello there thanks for the info. Took him to GP last week he said there was nothing to be worried about. I think some of things you pointed out could be silent refulx. I took him to the GP to ask about refulx as he kept more than spitting up. We tried infacol and gripe water. We went back to infacol and he takes 4oz at a time. Today he seems like he has a cold so expect today to be different I guess but thought he would sleep more rather than less. He does cry every night without fail regardless of anything else he cries. This is what I find hard I can deal with other things. He will not give in. I dont by the colic thing either I do wonder if he gets fed up as partner comes home and I read somewhere babies sometimes cant settle if anohter child comes home then the partner this kind of disturbance can cause crying? Im running out of ideas now. I hope some other info comes soon too!! I have tried the books under one end of his moses basket too. I really dont know.... :(

really feel for you and just wanted to show support. my ds1 is 3 and ds2 is 9 months. i found the early weeks and months with ds2 really hard and felt ds1 wasn't getting any one on one attention from me, but as the months have passed and ds2 has got 'easier' to deal with, i have been able to spend more time with ds1. children dont hold a grudge and you will soon rekindle your relationship with your 5 year old. i dont know much about refulx but i do think small babies suffer so much with their digestion - whether it be colic/wind/reflux etc but they do grow out of it eventually (took my ds2 a good couple of years to sort his digestive system out). good luck and i hope things improve for you soon.

Poor you....newborn days are sooo hard, especially when you've got an older DC who you want to spend time with too! My first DC was an unsettled baby - lots of crying the 'witching hours' of 5-9 were a nightmare too. All put down to good old colic. Things I tried were the colic hold (sure you could google it...basically holding them with their belly on your arm, back up), swaddling for naps with rolled up blankets either side as bollards (Baby Whisperer technique to make them feel more secure), carrying in a sling alot or being in a swing alot, miles of walking over cobbles/rough pavement, infacol, baby massage for windy bellies. Could be over-tired/over-stimulated (try napping earlier than you would normally try?). I think a lot of the time when they hit 12 weeks things can magically get better on their own as they sort out their sleep a bit better and can stand a bit more stimulation and aren't as tired all the time.

BUT....for me, after it being brushed off as colic and it didn't get better after 12 weeks or 16 weeks, it was reflux. Which I suspected as much all along as he was inconsolable much of the time, very poor sleeper and would bring up milk alot, almost like a dripping tap especially when lying down. He was a different baby with the right meds.

Things you could try which might also help reflux are keeping your DC upright (over your shoulder,eg) for at least 20min after a feed, feeding them as upright as poss (obv tricky with a newborn and BFing I guess), elevating the head of the cot/moses basket, keeping them well winded.

You will get time with your 5yo again, no matter what whether it be just newborn unsettledness, colic, reflux or whatever. With my 2nd DC at the witching hour (which thankfully was just an hour), me and my first son would sing together to try and stop him crying or think up funny sounds - kinda just involving DC1 in the action. To ease the guilt of not being there for DC1 as much I also managed to help him make a cardboard robot and do sticking while BFing DC2 (beads of sweat dripped down my brow....but I felt moderately better about my ability to split myself in two!).

Hope your DS2 gets more settled soon!!!

thanks for the advise. Not sur if it is colic as DS2 seems to be ok now with milk intake and stuff. We wind he regular and make sure we wind after 1 oz then let him have 2 and 3 then wind then wind again after finishing. This is with infacol as well. I think he is over tired and just dont know how to settle him. If he is overtired then I think leaving him for 10 mins thne checking on him and so on might work? I feel bad for it but I cant settle him at all! So this seems like and only option right now as the crying is too much after 2 hours of it. Going to ask HV tomorrow and ring up xx