Sporting children. How do we avoid being a pushy parent but encourage and support.

[nevergoogle]

DS1 is 6, I may be being PFB (it wouldn't be the first time) but he's very competitive and very able.
DH is ex semi professional cyclist so DS1 has been attending race events since he was a baby and DS1 has recently been asking to race.
So we take him to bmx races and recently road races on closed tracks.
He wears protective armour and a full face helmet, and so far hasn't had any injuries yet some gnarly crashes.

So the thing is, at these events i notice other parents shouting at their children to 'pedallllll!!!' 'it's a race!' 'faster faster faster' and i it's really awful to see the childrens faces when their parents are doing that.
I prefer to cheer on all the children and shout well done to any passer by.
So my issue is not the obvious shouting and ranting at your children that some parents are doing.

But recently he managed round a really difficult bmx track for the first time since they upgraded the track and made it really tough. So I said 'well done, that was great' then i told him i was proud of him. The thing is, the next time he fell off, he was devastated. Will he think i'm not proud of him if he doesn't manage it? Aaargh. Of course i told him he'd done well and how proud i was even if he fell. But he gets really disappointed and frustrated with himself! If he's had a bad day he says he's rubbish.

And of course, I'm the one who finds out the suitable events.

Ok, wise experienced mums. How do we deal with this stuff?

He wants to do this, but it's hard and a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

oh fun! DS1 did a season of BMXing racing age 6-7.
I don't see a problem with cheering, tbh. It doesn't sound like menacing or pressure, just encouraging.
I suspect the key is to just tell them you're proud of them for trying, praise the effort not the result. I hate riding on those tracks, myself, too scarey! Anybody who can get around, esp. at speed, deserves a clap.

DS1 fell out of love with bmx but is now keen on ERYRS -- by the way, my middle DS was the only rider in his age group (under 8s) at last ERYRS, so got an automatic gold medal. Was well chuffed... and he rode a BMX racing bike in that event, too.

sounds very similar bidibidi. he's just ridden a scottish cycling criterium. came 3rd in the under 8s. and on a bmx.

have you encountered the horrendous shouty parents or is that just where we are?

No knowledge of cycling, but big U11s athletics events bring out the very very worst in parents. Lots of dads (mainly) standing trackside, shouting aggressively, "WTF are you doing?" "FGS pull your finger out" or whatever as the kids race past. And shouting at kids after races as well, right in their faces, really horrible and quite threatening.

I'm quite reluctant to go and watch ds compete in big athletics meetings tbh, because I find it so upsetting. If I do go we tend to set up a picnic blanket somewhere well away from the main stand and the other parents.

Wrt encouraging them without making them feel that your love is dependent on their achievement, you just say keep recycling phrases like,
"You did your best, that's all that matters"
"Everybody has offdays sometimes, it doesn't mean you're rubbish"
"There will always be someone who's better than you, that doesn't mean you're no good"
"The only mistakes are the ones we don't learn from"
"Well, talk to XYZ and see if they can give you any tips on improving your technique".
"Well yes, maybe you can train harder next time, but no-one has a god-given right to win. Just do your best, behave like a gentleman and we'll be proud of you."
"If you've done your best that's good enough for me."

oh that all sounds like good stuff.

so is it possible to be a parent of a sporty child without being judged as a pushy parent?

I dunno, I wonder if you're over-thinking it. If you know you're not pushy, then no one whose opinion is worth caring about will think you are pushy, either. Must go...My DD is nagging me to go throw a ball with her, she's more sporty than either of her brothers.

You're not pushy unless you're forcing or blackmailing your child to do something that he/she isn't happy doing. Sure, occasionally you need to make a child go to a session when they'd rather sit on their backside watching the Simpsons. But that is because the child originally wanted to do the sport and has committed to attending the sessions/team practice/matches whatever and needs to learn how that you have to follow through on a commitment even when it doesn't really suit you.

The day when you fail to pick up on the fact that your child is no longer getting anything out of the sport overall (rather than just wanting to bunk off today's session), when you don't realise that the child is doing it to please you and that he/she feels your love and approval is conditional on his/her performance, the day you care about winning more than they do, that's the day you have crossed the line into being a pushy parent.

As long as the child basically enjoys the sport and needs no more than the occasional jollying along, if your own self-image isn't dependent on their success, as long as you can still view it all as a bit of a laugh, then you should be fine.

well he's gone to a coaching session tonight.
we told him it was on, he really wanted to go.
i'm just aware that he's only 6.

yes, i am overthinking this, it's what i do best

but picking up some handy tips along the way!