Sick to death of 10 year old WHINGING

[HowtoPullMyselfApart]

All he does is WHINGE. I mean, constantly bloody whinge, whinge, whinge.

He's 10.

I wake him up in a morning he whinges, starts shouting at me to "stop going on" when I tell him to get up, he whinges about his socks, when/if he eventually gets downstairs he whinges that it's cold. He'll whinge on for half an hour or so before finally going to get some breakfast, then he'll whinge about the choice of cereals. If he does manage to find some he wants, he'll whinge about the spoons because the particular one he wants to use isn't in the drawer. Fast forward to getting dressed - the whole "shoe" episode.

"My shoes are too tight/big. I can't do the laces, I hate these shoes, why did you have to buy me such gay shoes?" At this point the shoes occasionally get thrown across the living room floor. He gets his bedtime marked down 10 minutes - que more whinging about my bedtime policy.

WHINGE WHINGE WHINGE WHATS IN THE PACK UP? DONT LIKE THAT WHINGE WHINGE WHINGE - WHAT DRINK DO I HAVE? OH I HATE THAT WHINGE WHINGE WHINGE

Fast forward to hometime:

"what's for tea?"
I could say ANYTHING here and the reaction would be the same

OH FOR GODS SAKE I HATE THAT! YOU KNOW I DONT LIKE THAT! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO STUFF I HATE???? I DONT WANT ANY TEA AT ALL!!! I WONT EAT IT!!!

So tonight he bought himself a tech deck skateboard thing and later went off on one because he couldn't do the wheels "WHINGE WHINGE CANT DO IT WHINGE WHINGE THIS IS SO STUPID WHINGE WHINGE WHY CANT YOU JUST DO IT FOR ME???? WHINGE WHINGE WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP WHINGE WHINGE

Final straw tonight, I go into the kitchen to find him pouring himself a glass of dr pepper, he's already had a glass of it today and its a one glass a day policy on the sugary stuff. He hands me the glass immediately and says "here, I got you a drink" I said "hmm you mean you were pouring yourself a drink?!" and I said this in a calm, almost playful voice with a smile and he reacted nastily and loudly with

"NO I DIDN'T!!!!!!!" I totally lost it with him at this point and told him to get upstairs to bed, I've had enough of him.

I get sick to death of him to be honest, all he bloody does is whinge and moan and complain and shout and slam doors - I'm just absolutely sick of him. A few nights ago I had a dream that I tried to get him adopted. How awful is that? but he puts an awful atmosphere in the house, everyone tiptoing around him frightened of setting him off, I sick to death of it.

ignore it.

every time he does it just repeat "I won't listen to whinging, when you can talk to me in a normal voice I will listen to you" and then ignore

get breakfast stuff out the night before. if he has a problem with it, let him find whatever else he wants... don't pander to it, don't listen to it, busy yourself with something else

if he's moaning about his shoes... go into another room. remind him that he has to leave in X minutes and to put his shoes on. then ignore.

but just out of interest, does he spend much time with you alone? do you think this is a way of trying to get more attention or tell you he is in need of soemthing? constantly finding problems with things may be a way of saying "hey, what I actually NEED is you" but he just doesn't know how to tell you that or even know that's what he wants?

do you have other children too? can you spend some time with him in the evenings doing something just with him>

It is so hard but it really is the best thing to ignore the whinging as much as possible ... and I speak as a mum to a 10 yo who has suddenly gone into "whinge mode".

If I ask him to get up - he whinges. If I ask him to get dressed - he whinges. Breakfast!! Whinges. Hurry him up! Whinges. You name it, he whinges. I have done all the things you have done and the best weapon, by far, in my uber-arsenal of mum-weaponry is the smile, a "thank you lovely boy" and a quick turn away to carry on with whatever I have to get on with. I remove the shouting/irritation from my side of our contact and refuse to engage him when he starts to go into his whinging. After a few weeks he has improved and now doesn't even start to moan about those things he knows I will not negotiate on. I do try to also give him a forum so he can air his "gripes" (of which there are many ) and listen to what he has to say. So, if he doesn't like a t-shirt/shoes/shorts I have bought him I listen to what he says he does want. He doesn't particularly want to go shopping with me but I try to get him interested in showing me what it is he does want. That is not to say he gets everything he wants/everything his own way but he does feel like he is getting a say.

I do think that yesterday makes a good point - Is he an only? Is he competing for your attention with other DC? He may be being 'difficult' in an effort to gain your attention. I do recall reading something when DS was little that if a child will cause a negative reaction from their parent if they cannot gain a positive reaction - not to say you don't give positive reactions just that 10yo's are a difficult breed and often don't know what they want or how to articulate that need - they are caught between childhood and burgeoning teenagerdom ... god help us!