My 2yo won't stay in the naughty corner.....

[SilveryMoon]

.....so I have strapped him into his pushchair and told him he is in there for hitting me.

Is it really bad that I have strapped him in?

I've since been over to ask him if he is ready to come out and he says no and pushes my hand away from the buckle.

He's two. I don't suppose he'll have the faintest idea what you're doing/why he's there. IMO 2 is too small for a naughty step/similar. I'd just tell him 'no hitting' or similar and move on to doing something else.

You're probably right, but I think he does understand, I had already told him 3 times no hitting after I'd told him to stop throwing things around.

The straps are now unfastened and he is free to come out but says he doesn't want to

Distraction is all at this age - and teaching by example. Using your superior strength to force him into his pushchair doesn't teach him how to behave.
'We don't hit' is a useful line, also positive instructions rather than 'don'ts'.

Yes WWWY I do all of that, but he is so very challenging.
I jut get to the point sometimes where I feel really stupid talking positively to a child who is hitting me.

I know I shouldn't have strapped him in (why did I do it then?), just having a bad day.

And now he is screaming at me that he wants to sit in his pushchair and is throwing stuff (shoes, books, toys) around the place and I don't know what to do with him

Is he bored, do you think? Can you just take the heat out and go to the park or just a walk round the block?
Days do get long with toddlers.

I did it to my DS at that age too, either that or put him behind the gate in his room; for my challenging boy, a pleasant "we don't hit" or somesuch could get you laughed at and hit again or a bit harder and I too started to feel like an idiot speaking pleasantly to someone who was knowingly being unpleasant (my DS at 2 did know and understand).
Frankly I also needed some time out too and it helped from that aspect, sometimes you just need a break of some description so don't feel bad.

I think he is very tired. We have been out alot today and he has done much walking.
When I took him out of the pushchair he continued with his tantrum, I'm halfway throw cooking dinner and he started throwing theings at my 3yo.

I just really don't know what to do with him anymore.
I can't take this every single day anymore.
I know I need to break the cycle of the shouting etc.

Oh dear, you sound worn out by it all. DS2 is rather 'challenging' at times and I remember how exhausting it can be at that age (he's 4 now). Do you get any breaks (nursery/playgroups/family etc)? You sound a bit done in by it.

The shouting thing. This will probably sound a bit wanky, but it's honestly helped me. I read something in a book about acknowledging how you are feeling, sort of recognising and 'welcoming' the emotion (I know, I know...). So, when you shout, or (preferably ) just before you do, think 'I'm irritated' or 'Here comes anger' or just 'ANGRY!'. Just doing that, repeatedly has really given me just a moment of space that helps me to not fly off the handle and to be calmer when the DC are being annoying. And if I'm calmer with them, it does break the cycle of getting cross/them acting up.

midnightexpress Yes I am worn out/down by it all.
I don't get help with them.
My parents don't live local so no help there.
Dp rarely takes them out and when he does, it's for an hour so I can do the housework in peace.

the nursery run for my eldest does us all in too. I don't drive so everything is either walking or buses.
It takes us 45 minutes at best to do a 20min walk to the school for ds1. Ds2 refuses to sit in the pushchair so he walks too and tbh I can't take the constant screaming when he sits in it.
He is a really good walker, the delay in getting anyhere is down to my 3 year old who whinges and stamps his feet because he doesn't want to go.
I did have a buggy board but someone stole that and my last pushchair from the bottom of the stairs in my building.
Ds1 now normally ends up in the pushchair when he really creates but then that upsets ds2 who sees it as his pushchair and wants to sit in it if ds1 is in it.

They just both drive me insane, they both enjoy upsetting the other one.

Anyway, ds2 is still on/off creating and now I need to try to get him in the bath.

Oh that's tough. You have my sympathies - I have two boys with only 14 months between them and no family around here either, so I've been there too, and I feel your pain. It can feel just relentless, can't it? When will ds2 start nursery - when he's 3? Mine still fight like cat and dog, but it does get easier, honestly! Could you beg a double buggy from anywhere (gumtree/freecycle/friends/MN)? It's probably not worth shelling out for one as they are both good walkers, but perhaps if you could one for free/cheap it might help the sanity?

Or would a wee bike, perhaps a balance bike, be an option for ds1 and/or ds2? We got ds2 his when he was about 2.6 I think and he absolutely loved it. It certainly makes getting round less of a faff. They're quite lightweight some of them, as well - honestly the best thing we've ever bought them.

It sounds as if they get plenty of exercise, but I also find that with boys, if you can get them outside as much as possible, it often diffuses a tantrum, even if it's just a walk to the postbox or for a splash in a puddle or two.

I'd also suggest that you discuss how you're feeling with dp and see if he can take them out to soft play of somewhere for a few hours at the weekend to give you a break? If he's out at work all day and has never done the day-to-day childcare, he probably has no idea how exhausting it can be. I'm lucky in that Dp was the main carer for a while when he was unemployed so he knows exactly how hard it is, so will happily whisk them off to the park every now and then while I lounge around eating biscuits and reading a magazine.

Thanks for your understanding ME
My dp works shifts, so he has been at home and seen what I have to deal with day to day, the only difference is that he takes ds1 to school in the car and never has to do a 45 minute pigeon-walk!
I've been thinking bikes too, maybe getting ds1 a proper one with stabilisers and ds2 a balance bike.
Ds2 will be 3 in feb and I already have him enrolled at a private nursery to start next April. I can't afford to do anything before his free hours kick in.

I do take them out as often as I can and am of the opinion that little boys are like dogs, fine, if they are walked 3 times a day

Don't even get me started on dp. I have been begging for help and time away from the dc's for years but he often works 6 days out of 7 and sometimes 2 full weeks without a day off so he seems to think that a day off from work can be a day off from life, although he is getting a bit better.

Even when I started working full time. i recently did 6 months as a SEN TA and even then I didn't get any child free time (as it was my fault for getting a job with children), or help with cooking and cleaning etc whilst travelling for 4 hours a day and trying to find enough time to spend with the boys.
That's where I messed up, thinking I could get back to working, I have too much to do without a job outside of the home, and a full-time job had to fit in around all the jobs I already have with house and kids.

But hey, I should stop moaning really, there are people wwho have it worse.

SilveryMoon I feel your pain! Although it is my eldest DS who is giving me the trouble at the moment - he's 3.3. I also have DS2 who is 15mths. I've had an awful day and am lurking around the parenting board to try and get a strategy for dealing with his tantrums and grotty moods. I totally lost it at the end of today and I just feel awful - DP has gone away for a week this morning (he also works shifts and sounds like he has the same outlook on his "days off" as your DP - but that's a whole other thread).
I just feel like i'm a SAHM so maybe I should know how to deal with bad behaviour but when he starts I can just feel the panic rising in me as I know I have nothing in my arsenal to control the situation half the time!
Anyway, sorry i'm not any use, just wanted to say you're not alone. Toddlers are awful sometimes!

chunk
Don't know what else to say. It's so hard isn't it?

What do we do? I know that DS1 thinks that he has control at the moment by behaving in this appalling way, probably because he has. I'm all over the place.
For now at least, I'm drinking a very large glass of wine . Tomorrow is another day.

It's hard going isn't it. We have good and bad days and i always hit the parenting books. Here are some of the things that have helped me.

I do two mins on naughty step and he rarely he gets off these days - if he does i just quietly/calmly put him in a boring room, strapped in buggy or in car seat for 3 mins. if he is still kicking up a stink i leave him longer till the drama is over. won't let them out till peace reins even if it means we end up being late. we have been late many many times in the past!!

Dr christoper green of the fab book' toddler taming' says that kids often kick off as a last min attempt to over throw any new found parental authority. Quietly stand firm and leave him in the buggy till he has a better attitude. Afterwards breifly explain why he was on the step and move on/change subject. Both my two year olds have understood the naughty step and responded well to it. I know 2 seems young but they do understand more than we give them credit for.

i think proffessionals say to ignore the bad - withdraw attention and then reward the good. Can you think of small rewards en route to nursery. Half a choc button or a fruit flake at every lampost to those that sit in buggy nicely/walk well?

Negative attention (shouting) is better than no attention from a childs point of view. Keep calm and try to catch/praise him being good. Talk to him how you would like to be spoken to and give good quality attention. Try to hold the kids in good regard.

Distraction and sillyness also work at times. Can you turn walking into a game? Pretend sons are nice pet dogs and you are thier mummy dog. Throw in the odd bowl of invisible dog food or chocolate dressed as a doggie treat enroute.

Get a micro scooter for the three year olds. Costs a bit but it's fab and unique in design. Please read reviews. I got one and my 2 year old whizzes everywhere now at top speed. I can just about keep up with him.

Also consider a bike maybe?

They do get easier honestly.

Thanks sky I did strap ds2 into the pushchair yeterday but then felt awful about actually restraining him. I did it becaue there was a risk he'd be hurt or he'd hurt my 3yo.
Anyway, we have a plastic motorbike thing that I'm going to let the 2yo ride today and ds1 has a scooter. Last time we took the scooters out, it went terribly wrong!
I think I've read every parenting book going, they have all merged into one.
I have not read the toddler tamer though, can't stand that guy.

Have you read the 'How to Talk...' book? It's frequently recommended on MN, and it's a classic which helps with all ages to get out of negative spirals.

I have WWWY might have to give it another look though, like I said they all merge into one and I forget what I've read.
I will start it again though

It sounds like you've got your hands full. Can I recommend just trying to tackle one thing at a time. So this week maybe it's the walk to nursery (but nothing else). Once you've cracked that (imaginery games / scooters etc... are great ideas) then look at the next issue, but don't try to do it all at once. Changing a child's behaviour is time consuming and exhausting, and I've found it really helps to focus on one single thing at a time or it gets too overwhelming and falls apart.

Really hope you manage to make some progress soon. Best of luck.

Thank you oneof4.
That does make sense. Will see how it goes, thank you